HIV/AIDS in Africa

I want to encourage everyone to come learn more about the AIDS/HIV epidemic in Africa tomorrow. United Nations Secretary General Stephen Lewis will be speaking at a public forum on the Villanova campus and it's bound to be a thought provoking and informative event. The evening is free and open to the public. Let's recognize ourselves as citizens of this world, not just this nation and open our eyes to this tragedy ravaging an entire continent. I think the vastness of the problems in Africa-disease, famine, and war-can be somewhat overwhelming, making us want to keep our distance, but the first steps toward change come with a recognition of a need for such. Hope to see you all there and if you have any questions, or want to come with me let me know :)

10 Ways I Know I'm a Nursing Student

I've been thinking lately about how subcultures can become as much a part of us as we become of them. Sometimes consciously, but more often not, I find myself adapting the ways I speak, think, and act to the subculture I am immersed in. The extent to which this happens varies, but it's always interesting to step back and see the ways I have been changed. My most recent cultural immersion has been into the world of of a Villanova nursing student. Here are a few of the things that have made me aware I have fully embraced this role:

1. I am fully comfortable talking about whatever bodily function you want to throw at me (and likely have already had to clean it up)
2. I can't help but assess the gait of people walking in front of me and mentally note anything outside of normal limits.
   
3. I ask people to tell me about their feelings and will often tell you about my own on a scale of 1 to 10.
4. I think of Villanova as one very old building (St. Mary's---where all of my classes are) and forget that it's actually a large, beautiful campus
5. I speak in nursing diagnoses: " blah blah blah related to dooby doo as evidenced by this, that and the other thing"
6. Every time I go to the bathroom I have a moment of appreciation that I get to do it by myself and no one needs to come in to measure it.
7. I was really excited when my roommate had surgery and asked for my help in assessing her drainage and swelling....on her butt (and by the fact that she unabashedly asked me to do this can you tell she's a nursing student!?!)
8. I think it's fun to give shots
9. I wear ugly white shoes because they're comfortable
10. Every time I stand up too fast and get lightheaded (which usually happens at least once a day) all of my friends yell, "ORTHOSTATIC HYPOTENSION!!

Grace and Strength

And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Lately I'm finding a lot of peace in just how screwed up I am. I spend so much of my life trying to be my own Savior; trying to prove my righteousness to man, carrying the weight of all of my failings on my shoulders. I think I'm in charge of making my life good and if I don't make things happen, no one will. I let myself get sucked into the lie that God's plan for me might not be enough. And in it I underestimate my sin and in doing so give God credit for very little. But lately, I've really began to see anew and maybe even on a whole new level how incredibly huge my sin really is and with that have been able to recognize how much bigger than that even is God's grace. I am preaching the Gospel to myself again and am standing in awe of my King. I am broken. And it makes my heart burst with joy. His strength has come in my weakness and in admitting I'm in pieces, not at all together the love I feel is overflowing. Funny that it's such an epiphany to remember I'm not the center of the universe :)
So what's all this coming from? I just got back from liberti's in-covenant retreat this past weekend. I don't think I've really blogged about liberti, which is somewhat shocking considering the incredible blessing it has been in my life during my time here in Pennsylvania. I originally attended because it was close to where I was picking up the bed I found on craigslist for $50 (probably the most comfortable $50 purchase ever, thank you couple moving to Arizona). It's in the city, so a big part of me wanted to not want to go there. But I don't think I've ever felt so drawn to be part of a community. The heart of the church seems to match the desires my own heart seeks to live out Gods love and the pull to be a part of what they are doing is enough to make me want to stay in Philadelphia. So the retreat this past weekend was for people looking to find out more about the church to to determine if they are going to join....yes, much cooler than the traditional church membership classes. About 30 of us went up to the Poconos where we not only learned about liberti, but about each other, attempting to share ourselves in real ways. My pastor Geoff urged us to share our "spiritual journeys" and what brought us where we are today rather than just sharing what we do and "the lies we like to tell about ourselves." I don't think of myself as a liar very often. Truth be told I'm pretty crappy at lying. But I was made aware of how often I only present parts of my story, my life, the feelings behind my circumstances in a way that makes me look good...or at least better than I really am. I'll give the parts of me that I think are easy to deal with and hold back the rest. I feel like I'm having to retrain myself to offer people the broken me. The one so in need of grace. And at times it strikes fear into my heart. But the sense of liberation from the feeling that somehow I'm going to be found out, the loving grace that is shown, and the realization that my brothers and sisters are just as broken as me, well, it's showing me how very worth it it is. It's late and I have an exam tomorrow, and I'm not even sure if this is making sense anymore so I think that means it's time for sleep. Goodnight.

Swirling leaves and breathlessness

The colors have become so amazing around here that as I was driving to class today the sight literally took my breath away. It's been awhile since I've had that happen. Been so taken in by the beauty surrounding me that I felt breathless. Usually that's just my crappy asthma/allergy combo making me feel that way. But Fall has fallen and it in incredible. It is an area in which Pennsylvania far surpasses California. The air has become crisp and cool, wind swirls the leaves up around my feet and blows my hair back, and I find myself fighting the urge to find a rake and make piles to jump into. The trees around me reach beyond brown and golds to striking crimsons, scarlets, mustards and ambers. And yet, while the world is so alive with color, there seems to be a tinge of sadness in the air because everyone knows that those beautiful leaves will soon be on the ground and winter will be here. But for now it is just gorgeous and fresh and I am loving it. And I'm sure when there are snowy blankets covering eveything I'll be loving that too. To think this is all merely a glimpse of God's beauty!

Random

I don't really feel like writing anything, I just want to list some thoughts.
I like...
Sitting on high places and swinging my feet.
Drinking through straws
Laughs that are so great you can't help but smile
Anything in a bread bowl
Friends that get me
Being broken and feeling like God is right there beside me
Being warmed by the sun
Realizing I could really be happy almost anywhere
Songs that bring overwhelming emotion

I wonder...
at how the world can be so huge and so small at the same time
how much coincidences are just that
when it becomes overanalyzing
at how much God loves us
at how quickly I forget to love others
why we would rather stay in unhealthy patterns that we know than try better ones that are unknown
if I really want life to make sense

God is holding me close these days. Life feels like a big question mark, but his peace surrounds me. In him I find rest. And it's good.

Happy Halloween!!

So the past couple years I admittedly haven't been super stoked about dressing up for Halloween. But try as I might to NOT do it, I just can't! It feels so incredibly unspirited of me and so against my very nature not to put on a costume when I'm told they are optional. I always end up enjoying the dressing up, but it's finding motivation to get creative that is the struggle. If I'm not inspired, it just seems blah. So I ran through the last minute options in my head, trying to figure out what I could do without buying anything. My brother suggested being cereal or snack crackers, but even that required a grocery store trip. While I was pulling my clothes out of the dryer this morning, I thought, "Maybe I'll be laundry?" I ended up going with "Static Cling." It was great. I got to wear my sweats (plus the socks, underwear, and dryer sheets I pinned all over them), my hair was SUPPOSED to be messy, it was free, and nobody else showed up as the same thing. Stay tuned for tomorrow night when I'll be dressed up as "Procrastinator Girl" frantically studying pharmacology. Oh well :)

Congratulations Leigh and Matt!

This quick blog is dedicated to the delightful Leigh Lingnofski. My lovely roommate Leigh got engaged this past weekend! In reality we haven't been roommates for over a year and a half now, but once you've earned the title, you never lose it. Congratulations Leigh and Matt! May God bless you bunches!!!

Mechanics

My car broke down this past Saturday. It was one of those mornings that seemed bad to begin with then just got worse. I was supposed to be at work at 6:30, but thanks to my alarm clock setting incompetence and the fact that I was going on a total of about 10 hours of sleep for the previous three days I didn't wake up until 7:15. It always a horrible thing to be an hour and a half late for work, but infinitely worse when I'm still in the training orientation period. I fought back the tears and tried to calm my irrational fears of being fired on the spot after being deemed a totally useless employee. I was out of the house in five minutes flat, pulling back my hair in the car and trying to appear less like I had just jumped out of bed. I called staffing and explained my situation. Thankfully they were very understanding and even apologetic for not calling since apparently my name hadn't been listed on the schedule. So I continued on, eyeing the clock as I drove. As I turned onto the highway, I pushed my foot down to accelerate....and pushed down some more....all the way to the floor. I mixed out at 40, then horrified watched my speed slowly begin to drop. "Please God, not now," I screamed internally. I pulled into the slow lane and began praying I would make it to the exit in time. By God' s grace I did, cruising down the highway at a lovely 20 mph, praising the Lord everyone else appeared to be sleeping in and the usually busy road was mostly empty. But to realize I was not only late, but was going to have to call out on my third day on the floor was somewhat traumatizing and the tears I had been holding back came. (remember to account for the no sleep factor here). I gathered myself back up, figured out towing and ended up having a pretty restful afternoon. Life happens I guess.
So anyway, all of this was to bring me up to my current point. My intense dislike for taking my car to the shop. Doctor's office? Sure. Dentist? No problem. Mechanic? NOOOOOO!!!! There is no where else in life where I feel so likely to be screwed. I am an assertive, confident, and educated individual, but put me in the realm of auto mechanics and I feel like I might as well walk in and say "Hi, feel free to try and rip me off, Im sure you can." And this ignorance frustrates me more than I can describe. I'm sure my pride is a part of it, but I like being an educated consumer and in this world I just don't have the knowledge, or diagnostic equipment to do that. I try to use the situation to recognize what it must be like for individuals when are uneducated to deal with many of the situations I approach with confidence and ease....but mostly I just hate it. The mechanic wants to charge me a 1000 bucks to fix my car. I wish my dads were here. The little to work or the big one to bargain. However, as that's not about to happen, I instead recruited a male friend to come with me to counteract my femaleness, and hopefully bringing a little more respect and some price reduction. When we went to the shop I fought my urge to be sweet and apologetic, really not even smiling (of you know me the not smiling is BIG) trying to act tough and confident. I think I did I decent job standing my ground, but I'm not sure how much good it did... at least the guy said he would talk to my original mechanic and see if they could work anything out (oh yeah, I actually found one I don't feel like is trying to screw me and they sent me elsewhere... awww man!). So now I'm waiting. And for the future, anyone living in the greater Philadelphia area want to be my handy friend?

Because pictures are FUN!

So I thought I'd give you a few Fall Break pics since I know some of your aren't that into reading...it makes it more like a picture book. It's me and the padres in PA and DC...pretty self-explanatory! Ok, I better do some real work. Ciao.

Possibilities

I often find myself in wonder when I look at individuals that have spent their entire lives within a 20 mile radius of where they were born. I know back in the day there weren't always a lot of options as far as travel was concerned and spending one's life in the same place was pretty much the only way to survive. And for many today, families, jobs, and a million other things make up and going hard. But to the young and unattached, in a world where plane tickets are cheap, access is easy, and possibilities seem endless I wonder how so many never go explore it. Even more shocking to my wanderlust soul is that they don't have the DESIRE to! I know my view is biased and everyone was not made with the same desires as me. I sometimes wonder why I'm so obsessed with the next adventure and I think it is partly due to the fact that I haven't found my place yet. I've been able to visit a number of great locations, but I want the one where I sink in and feel like it is where I'm meant to be. I think I adapt pretty well to my new locales, but I'm always looking forward...Where to next? And I wonder if I'll always be this way. Is it because we were made for a world beyond this one that is doesn't feel quite like my home? Or because I haven't found that person that makes it home? Or maybe just because I thrive on adventure and challenge, the new and exciting. Likely some combination of all three.
What I do know is that it makes me both love and be totally overwhelmed at the thought of becoming a nurse. One of my favorite ways to procrastinate as of late is to look at pediatric grad nurse programs across the country. And I'm realizing even more now than when I first began that I can work anywhere. That is mind boggling. How do I even begin? It it thrilling. I can begin anywhere. Anybody have any suggestions? (Mom, I know, UCDavis)

On a more concrete note, I'm back in school after Fall Break and life is good. I made it through classroom training and onto the floor at my new job and am fascinated by the traumatic brain injury patients I'm working with. Rehab is proving to be an entirely different world from acute care, with lots of independence promoting activities and the opportunity to see patient's condition improve rather than digress. My psych nursing skills are coming in handy and my biggest challenge so far seems to be in remaining serious when patients respond in very silly ways. At the same time, it pulls on my heart strings to see patients that have had their lives changed in an instant. Twenty-somethings that will never again have their eyes shine and smiles flash like they do in the photographs that adorn their walls. This past Friday, I was feeling the weight of loss, anger at the injustice after reading the chart of a young college student who had gone into cardiac arrest while playing a pick up game with friends. Seeing such young potential snatched, I found myself asking, "How does it happen God?" I didn't get my answer, but I did get my reminder that God was there. Fifteen or so students, friends of the patient came through the door. They had taken their fall break to fly across the country to visit their friend. They gathered around the bed with love, laughter, and compassion. Then they took turns visiting personally while the rest went into the therapy room, one with a guitar in hand, to sing songs of praise to our God. And He was near. In another room I found a family praying. And He was near. And we bathed a patient that night with Jesus tatooed on his arm. And He was near. And the sadness subsided, when I remembered yet again that there is a world beyond this one in which we live.

Orientations

Today was my first day of my new job. Well, really let's rephrase that. Today was my first day of orientation for my new job. Day-long classroom-based hospital orientations are pretty much torture for girls who can't sit still. Eight hours of lecture classes are rough, but at least there is some valuable information in there, or at the minimum stuff you know you'll be tested on later. But hospital orientations, like many job orientations I'm sure, only give you tests with the kinds of questions you could answer without any real knowledge. You know, questions like:
If you are getting ready to cross the street at a crosswalk and see a car speeding toward you, you should:
a) continue crossing since you are a pedestrian and have the right of way
b) stop and wait for the car to pass
c) send the largest person out first so the car will stop to avoid body damage
d) both a&c

And if by some chance the question is actually going to require some thought, don't worry because it most assuredly will be discussed and worked through as a group. So what do I do? I squirm and change positions about a million times, I try and find things to take notes about just so there's something to do, I doodle, and I daydream my way on out.... but today I was in orientation with just myself and ONE other person! Daydreaming and doodling are out the window. Sigh.
I'm trying to keep with my usual positive outlook and remember that there are only 2 more days of this (ok, so that's a lie, there are 4, but only 2 more this week) then I get to do a great job. The place I'm working at is a rehab hospital and the facilities are amazing. On top of all the typical hospital stuff they have huge training gyms, a greenhouse where patients can go plant flowers and do projects, aquatics, hair dressers, and all kinds of environments and devices to help people regain and/or relearn skills. The staff are friendly, the environment soothing and while I might not learn tons in orientation, I certainly will on the floor. Yeah, it's gonna be good :)

Friendliness :)

I wonder a lot lately about the loneliness of our world. In some ways we have the ability to be closer to the people in our lives than ever before, but I think in a lot of ways we are more disconnected than ever from the people around us. I notice this a lot on campus. Students are no longer capable of walking around by themselves, even just from class to class without pulling out their cell phones. It's like we're almost afraid to just walk by ourselves. And I think it's really becoming detrimental because no one strikes up conversations with strangers anymore. With college kids I think this is huge because rather than get connected to the people physically in their lives, they continue to invest all their time in their old friends and family, making their current surroundings a pretty lonely place. I know not everyone is super outgoing like me, but I think a lot of the time we avert our eyes and pretend we don't see people because we're afraid how people will react if we reach into their world with a greeting. That or we're just too into our own lives to take the step to make a connection with someone else. Admittedly, the East Coast can be a much tougher place to be friendly than the West was. It's just not "normal" to smile and wave at people you pass by. But tonight I decided I wanted to reach beyond it and see what would happen if I really made the effort to greet the people I passed. Now me saying hi to passersby really isn't something new, but this time I made it a challenge. I was going for a walk with my parents (who are out visiting for my fall break) at Valley Forge and I decided to keep track of how many people I could get to say hi to me. In the 5 mile loop we made around the park I managed to get 33 people to say hi and a few more to smile. That's about 95% of the people that responded verbally and of those who couldn't muster up the words I think all but 1 smiled. How great is that?! And after the first couple, my greetings got more confident, my smile easier, and it was just....nice. People want to be reached, to be recognized. And we hold back because we think someone might think we're crazy, that they might be caught up in their own thoughts, that they might take it the wrong way. And really, someone probably will think that. But really most of them will be glad. Through simple gestures we can touch people in a way they may be dying for. When we were finishing our walk it was getting dark and almost no one was left on the trail. But we were running up alongside a road and a girl stuck her head out the window and yelled hello to ME (or more accurately to US) into the wind. And it was my turn to smile. :)

Ethiopian Food

Tonight was my first experience in Ethiopian cuisine. I've been wanting ot go for a long time for two reasons:
1) You get to eat with your hands
2) It's served on communal platters

We've been doing a series on community at church lately, so when we were discussing options for a social night, it seemsed like the perfect call. And it turned out to be a blast! Our home groups are done by location and an Ethiopian restuarant was half a block down from where we usually meet. I'm a little bit sad because tonight was my last night meeting in West Philly since I've moved and it is no longer the closest to me. That group has been such a huge blessing in my life since moving out here, and we have grown especially close in the last month or so. A few other girls are moving as well, so it was a night of farewell's for more than just me. I say this like we're moving across country, but we'll still be seeing each other every Sunday and hopefully hanging out on top of that :)! Tonight we laughed and chatted, shared the good and bad going on in our lives and ate lamb, chicken, beef, and veggies with our spongy bread and our hands. Good times.

Pain and Escape

Today I am in a quiet mood. Not something that happens very often. We've been talking about substance abuse in all my classes today and it's put my in a thinking mode. We watched a movie in psych called "When a Man Loves a Woman." Have you seen it? It's such a real, heart-wrenching story about alcoholism and what it does to families...but also a story about screwed up people who really love each other. I find my heart aching for all those people who need to dull their minds and hearts to escape from reality. I wonder about the fairness of life that mine has been so good. So much potential for dysfunction, and yet I was protected from most of it. Of course there have been heartaches and times I wished I was elsewhere, but to be afraid to live life fully aware, I can't really imagine. I want to pull those people close and tell them that they are loved, that there is peace, that life doesn't have to be so hard all the time. But I know that is naive. You can't make people change anymore than you can change the weather. I'm in my psych rotation for clinical right now and sometimes when I find myself listening to patients stories I wonder if I would have ended up in the same places they did. I'd love to say no, I'm stronger than that, but given the same life they have lived, who knows. Now I'm not excusing the behavior, far from it, but I guess it just seems more understandable that it occurs. I think about how God's heart must be breaking for his lost children. I guess what comes along with the gift of love and compassion means that you have to deal with the heartache that others endure. I find myself on the verge of tears just thinking about all the suffering in the world (yes, I'm the little girl who cried when I saw the homeless guys with signs). And yet I know I was made this way for a reason. Life is hard, but God is here and we are his hands and feet. I pray will all my heart I will never become hardened to it all.

My blog vacation

So I started this blog to let people know what I was doing in Peru and just sort of continued it as I left South America and headed across the US for school. While sharing the news of my life was the initial intent, it soon became kind of a therapeutic thing for me, to get my thoughts, deep and not so deep down on paper. Then the second half of my summer came on strong and my neighbor, who's internet connection that I conveniently "borrowed," moved away and I inadvertently took a little blog vacation. You know I sometimes wonder who would want to read the random thoughts and occurrences that are my life, but during the month or so that I've not been writing, I keep having people asking me when I'm going to post already. So here I am! Back with my little life for your pleasure. I could try and recap all the you've missed, but I think I'll just pic up where we are now. I moved this weekend into a new place with my friends Melanie, Meg, and Donna. And I'm LOVING it. I get to cook for people, and hug them whenever I want. Which basically means my Kallie needs are met :) I'm closer to school, to friends, and I feel like my whole self is just relaxed and happier. Then again, that might also have to do with the fact that the weather has gotten gorgeous. Fall is creeping in and I love it. We've had an amazing combination of rainy days that make me want to snuggle up with blankets books and movies and beautiful sunny, weather that makes me want to run outside. I can hardly wait for the colors to turn here. There will be some major picture taking for sure. Ok, well this is random and not super exciting, so I'm going to say goodbye for now, but hello to all, I'm back. And if you're one of those who's been wondering where I've been, post some comments already and I'll keep in touch!

Pics as promised!

So here is the visual record of some of the adventures from when my sister was visiting.

It's been awhile!

So life has run away with me and I haven't been on the blog scene for almost two weeks now. Huh, well I'm back in school, back among those getting a full night's sleep, and there is even a glimmer of hope that I might be able to do some things outside of school this semester. Summer classes ended well and I thoroughly enjoyed my week and a day off before getting back on campus today. Turns out there are more than just 38 people that go to Villanova. It seemed like we had the whole place to ourselves over the summer, so it was kinda crazy to see a campus alive with activity. The undergrad$ were running around with their Gucci, Burberry, and Coach handbags and I'm realizing how Villanova gets away with charging so much. It was kind of fun to watch all the freshman seeking out their classes, remembering the exciting feeling of being on my own for the first time and also realizing I'm glad I'm where I'm at in life. After sitting through 8hr lecture days all summer, our 2 1/2 hr clinical overview seemed gloriously short. I guess it'a all a matter of perspective since my 90 minute classes used to seem painfully long.
So my sister cam out to visit me on my break and we had a great combo of relaxing and outing filled days. I'll post some pics, of our adventures to spice this place up a little bit. We had a great time hanging out and playing tourists.
So I've decided I'm going on a bit of a spending diet. Not that I've been spending tons since I got out here but I think I'm going to simplify even more and avoid extra treats until I find some employment. It's actually kind of fun. Is it weird that I sort of like being poor? Of course there is the occasional anxiety, especially with all the big checks for school, insurance, and 100+ degree air conditioning that I've been writing lately, but there is a lot of pleasure in living simply. Yeah, it probably a good thing, since I also like working with poor people and as a result don't expect to make a ton. There's a special about Operation Smile on tonight, and it just makes me feel so inspired. The organization sends medical staff all over the world to operate on children with facial deformities. So Cool! I'm not quite sure where exactly I'll end up nursing, but I just dig that I'm going into a career where I can spend my whole life helping people.

Movie moments...or maybe not :)

So I'm wondering if I'll ever get used to this Pennsylvania weather. It seems like we're in a constant state of influx with humidty coming and going and the heat raising and receding. This morning was one of the best rides to work I've had thus far. The air was cool and clean, the sky blue. A great day to be riding my bike. But in typical PA fashion the weather changed and by 2:30 when it was time to leave the skies had turned gray and it had begun to rain. It was still warm out and not coming down very hard, so I decided to bike home anyway, turning down the ride offers made by friends. I got on my bike and pedaled out and found myself really enjoying the cool rain on my face, enough to make the humidity bearable. I was getting a little wet, but seeing that I was just going home, it didn't matter. I was having a Singing in the Rain moment. The world was good, I was carefree. And then the skies unleashed and I was in the middle of flash flood-style rain. It was coming down so hard I was instantly drenched, with water dripping in my eyes so fast I could barely see. I found myself laughing out loud at how incredibly unromantic and un-fairy-tale-like my ride had suddenly become. People in their cars looked at me like I was crazy, my shoes were beginning to squish and I was praying the papers in my bag and the MP3 player in my pocket would survive until I got home. Well, the electronics survived, but the papers looked like they'd been through the wash. Oh well, thank goodness I didn't have to write up a care plan this week! I stripped off my clothes in my entryway, confining the puddle action to one area of my house and took them staight to the washer. So I made it. And I'm pretty sure I'm gonna drive tomorrow :-)

A break from the heat

Last night I went out for a drink with some girlfriends and as we left to head home, the night air actually felt good. It was such a refreshing feeling to actually enjoy being outside after the incredibly oppressive heat wave that's been hitting this area. With my roommate, the lover of AC gone for a few days I took the liberty to shut off the air and throw open all the windows. And I slept like a baby with my fan blowing in the cool night air. Ahh, respite! I then had the pleasure of sleeping in til I woke at 9 (AWESOME for a girl who has had 6:45 clinicals). When I realized it was still nice out in the morning, I threw on some workout clothes and went for a jog, OUTSIDE! I don't really think I can emphasize just how great it was to actually hang out outside without wanting to die. I think my favorite thing about great weather, even greater than having a lower energy bill or an excuse to put off studying, is that it just seems to make everyone friendlier. This morning I got hellos, smiles, waves, and even a little casual conversation from the others enjoying the beautiful morning. Maybe that's why Californians are so friendly; an abundance of good weather.
It's afternoon now and it has heated up a bit outside, but the humidity has resided for now at least, so I'm still a happy camper. Maybe the good feeling will remain through my study session...let's hope!

Busyness and Peace

My friend Becka came to visit me this past weekend. It is her first trip back to the US after living in Chile for the past year. And I think it was God's way of forcing me into taking a full day off from any sort of school work. If I thought school was my life when I first got here, it has become even more so! But I think I'm over the toughest part and should be heading somewhat downhill from now on...trying to stay the optimist:) Because I hate to talk about school as if it were some sort of torture or something. I really love what I'm studying, it's just the sheer quantity of it with no time for rest that has made me, like everyone else in my class, feel so burned out. But this Saturday was a wonderful break! Becka got into town on Friday night and after waiting at two different bus stations on the same street for an hour and a half, we found each other :) It was amazing to realize it had been my first trip into center city Philadelphia since I arrived in May! However did that happen? I got to church in Philly, but that's near the Art Museum, right on the outskirts of the city ( as evidenced by the fact that I don't have to pay for parking). We spent the day doing touristy things, walking around, eating cheesesteaks, taking a carriage ride throught the old city, basically being tourists and catching up after a year apart (except this time in both Spanish and English!). Playing tourist reminded me that this city really is amazing and I'm so glad it's where I ended up.
Everyday I discover more and more things that reassure me it's where I belong for the time being. I kind of wondered before I arrived what it would be like and if I was making the right decision going to the other side of the country, and the same city where my ex lives just for nursing school. While he wasn't the only reason I was looking into Philly, it was a hugely influential factor at the beginning...but I think it was in the plan for me to get out here and the means God uses to accomplish his will rarely make sense to me. I actually talked to Mike for the first time since I've been out here just a few days ago. And admittedly, I was taken aback that I could enjoy talking to him without being overwhelmed by any feelings, good or bad. I think we might actually be friends. Funny that it happened just a bit of time after I became absolutely certain that wasn't a possibility for us.
In so many areas of my life, I think I'm tired of asking why, what if, and dwelling in the past or thinking tons about the future. I feel like lately, I'm too tired to do anything but trust God. Things have worked out for His glory and my good thus far, so I'm just trying to dwell in his promises and laugh liberally at the weirdness that is often my life. We read this psalm last night and home group and it brought peace to my soul. I don't need all the why's, I just need
Him.

Psalm 131
My heart is not proud, O Lord,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.
O Israel, put your hope in the Lord
both now and forevermore.

Awe, rest, peace, and trust...Amen to that.