Do you fit the bill?

Ok, so if you know anything about the Emerging Church, and/or Calvinism check these posts out for a laugh. They're about a year old, but new to me and, I thought, worthy of sharing since I am still cracking up (and will admit they are pretty darn true)!

You Might Be Emerging If...

You're Probably Obsessing About Calvinism If...

Thanks for sharing Becka :)

Today I:

• Had an interview in a car
• Ate a pomegranate that turned my mouth purple
• Thought about how much people's feelings toward me affect my feelings toward them
• Lost my glasses and couldn't find them because I didn't have my glasses
• Had an 87 year old patient tell me I was old when I told her I was 23
• Talked to the people in my elevator
• Was asked how tall I was and if I play basketball 8 times
• Ate dinner with a family
• Had a missing package delivered to my house
• Contemplated why we so often fail to love each other well

My Primetime Addiction

I've never been one to plan life around television. I mostly find myself disillusioned with society when I see the stuff that counts as popular entertainment. Who's sleeping with who, cheating on who, buying what, degrading their spouse, disrespecting their parents, etc.... I don't get hooked on shows so intimately I talk about the characters like they are my best friends, or decline offers to hang out with real people for those living in the box. At least I didn't. And then came The Office. It's an addictive combination of painful awkwardness, romance, and hilarity that I just can't help but love it. I DO want to talk about what's going on between Jim and Pam, what unbelievably stupid thing Michael managed to say that had me cringing, the rivalry between Dwight and the new guy, and why it is that Roy is suddenly endearing. I DO try to figure out ways to be home Thursday nights, and find myself downloading episodes and searching youtube for them when I'm not. I think there's no denying it...I have become "hooked on a show."
And what's more, I want you to enjoy it as much as I do. Two of my roommates watch Survivor instead. I don't understand. I mean, The Office has Alliances PLUS Scranton, Dundies, and Bird Funerals. I do get that some of you might not have had the chance yet to fall in love with this American treasure (ok, maybe only half American since we stole it from Britain) which is why I'm offering you the opportunity to experience the awkwardness that has us loyal followers starry eyed. Dinner and seasons 1 and 2. My house. Friday. Level of experience required: none! Faithful viewers welcome. Ok, so most of you reading this are probably not in PA, but if you want to check it out, I'll bring my dvd's home at Christmas and catch you up :)

Overwhelmed by Love

Today I have spent much of the day feeling overwhelmed by love. Thanksgiving is tomorrow and my family is far away. Like most hospital employees, I'm required to work Thanksgiving or Christmas. I volunteered for Turkey Day and thus, from 2:45-11:15 pm tomorrow, will be serving the lovely folks at Bryn Mawr Rehab Hospital. Yet, the number of Thanksgiving invitations I have received has been astounding. Some from people who know I'm not heading back to California, others just making sure if I'm in the area I have a place. Some from friends I know well, others from people I've barely met. Some to be with families here in PA, others to travel out of state. Unbelievable. Then, when I've shared with my inviters the news that I have to work, come the follow-up invitations to join families the night before, or come by afterward for leftovers. I am touched. I praise God for all the blessings in my life, but at this moment I am brimming with thanks for the wonderful people he has placed in it. When I moved out to Philadelphia last May, part of me wondered if I was making the right call. I arrived alone, unsure of why I still felt so called to the area when what I thought was one of my main motivations no longer existed. However, since the moment I unpacked my few belongings into an empty apartment room, I have had few doubts that this is exactly where I belong....maybe not forever, but for now. I came here for reasons far bigger than my own and fit into a plan far grander than my life. Things have not happened in the ways I would have thought, but they have happened in extraordinary ways. I have entered into new families amongst my church, my classmates, and my roommates. And my heart is full. I have been all over the world these past few years, and yet the love of God continues to surround me. To my friends and family in far away places, California, Europe, South America, and to those close by, thank you for the million ways you bless my life! My God bless you fully! Happy Thanksgiving.

Some Funny Pics

So in addition to being a full time super mom to four of the most beautiful kids I've ever seen, my friend Julie also does some pretty excellent photography. Here are the latest photos she sent me of her youngest, Luke. They were so great I had to share!Click on the pics for a better view

The attraction of FREE

Why is it no matter how much money you make, no matter where you come from, FREE is so irresistible? I got back last night from a two day trip to Harrisburg for a student nurse convention. We left at, no, before the crack of dawn Thursday morning and made our to the lovely capital of PA. Through the course of the convention we talked about our future involvement in the medical field, heard motivational speakers, and addressed the formal business of resolutions and elections. But the part of the convention that really got everyone excited was talking to recruiters and collecting free stuff. We came home with bags of chapsticks, pens, hand sanitizers, blankets, alarm clocks, key chains, calculators, water bottles, etc. Now lately I've really been working on simplifying my life. I realize I'm much happier without quite so much STUFF. But this weekend I failed miserably. I accumulated. And while I'm pretty stoked to have a new stock of pens and think the keychain hand sanitizers and chapsticks are pretty cool, I definitely came home stuff I'll probably never use and surely don't need simply because I didn't have to pay for it. Shall I show you my loot? Kind of ridiculous huh? In addition to my collecting, it was nice to talk to recruiters and hospital reps. Admittedly it was a bit overwhelming since a simple smile had them trying to sell me on why I should come work for their hospital. How insane to go from graduating with no clue what job my degree even worked for to having employers selling themselves to me. Still, it's a role reversal I'll gladly take.

The Right to Die

We are blessed in a country that has some really superb medical care. Our ability to save lives is quite astounding. But I wonder lately if we have forgotten that along with a right to live comes a right to die. When does our ability to "save lives" become something more harmful than helpful? Between my clinical rotations in the ICU and my work at a rehab hospital, I've been thinking a lot about dignity in life and death as of late. Today I took care of a patient in the ICU who had her wishes to be allowed to die denied. She had DNR (do not resuscitate) orders on her chart, but when it came time to make the call whether or not to intubate her, her wished were overruled by her family. And it only takes a few minutes in that room to feel your heart break for her. Because of the tubes in her mouth and nose leading to her stomach and lungs it is impossible to talk to her, but one look in her face and you know what she wants. She is totally with it, oriented, and still she has no say in what is happening to her. Tubes, wires, and fluids are entering and exiting her body from all sides, a ventilator is breathing for her and modern medicine looks anything but heroic to me. As I walked up to the side of her bed, she tapped her hand on the rail and I reach my own down to cover hers. She gripped it tightly, as if holding on for dear life, silently screaming for help. Her expression was pained as she shook her head. And I can't help but wonder how things like this happen. The whole point of advanced directives are that people can determine what kind of heroics they do and don't want and can make the decision to die naturally. But fears of lawsuits, and family members who can't let go keep medical providers from truly keeping the Hippocratic oath to "do no harm."
I'm learning that it is often more heroic to let someone go than to try and save them. When life has lost it's quality and there is no longer any goodness and dignity why do we continue to prolong the inevitable? And when does medicine move from using the gifts God has given us to playing God? However did man gain the ability to not just to decide when to take live, but also when to give it? I've always known, or at least for some time now that I wouldn't want to be kept alive when my quality of life has deteriorated to the point where everything that makes me ME has gone away.
Yet as much as these circumstances bother me, I also feel I must recognize that saving or ending lives is not nearly as cut and dry as I once thought. And it brings me to questions like, "How do we quantify life?", "What is the greatest good we can do?", "What would I be willing to put upon my family and what would I undertake if it was one of them?", "Is there a reason to be alive if one can no longer LIVE life?"
I don't have the answers. I am finding that my views of death are changing though. It is always sad, especially for those left behind, but I recognize that it is a natural event, a necessary part of life...and that for many the right choice.

HIV/AIDS in Africa

I want to encourage everyone to come learn more about the AIDS/HIV epidemic in Africa tomorrow. United Nations Secretary General Stephen Lewis will be speaking at a public forum on the Villanova campus and it's bound to be a thought provoking and informative event. The evening is free and open to the public. Let's recognize ourselves as citizens of this world, not just this nation and open our eyes to this tragedy ravaging an entire continent. I think the vastness of the problems in Africa-disease, famine, and war-can be somewhat overwhelming, making us want to keep our distance, but the first steps toward change come with a recognition of a need for such. Hope to see you all there and if you have any questions, or want to come with me let me know :)

10 Ways I Know I'm a Nursing Student

I've been thinking lately about how subcultures can become as much a part of us as we become of them. Sometimes consciously, but more often not, I find myself adapting the ways I speak, think, and act to the subculture I am immersed in. The extent to which this happens varies, but it's always interesting to step back and see the ways I have been changed. My most recent cultural immersion has been into the world of of a Villanova nursing student. Here are a few of the things that have made me aware I have fully embraced this role:

1. I am fully comfortable talking about whatever bodily function you want to throw at me (and likely have already had to clean it up)
2. I can't help but assess the gait of people walking in front of me and mentally note anything outside of normal limits.
   
3. I ask people to tell me about their feelings and will often tell you about my own on a scale of 1 to 10.
4. I think of Villanova as one very old building (St. Mary's---where all of my classes are) and forget that it's actually a large, beautiful campus
5. I speak in nursing diagnoses: " blah blah blah related to dooby doo as evidenced by this, that and the other thing"
6. Every time I go to the bathroom I have a moment of appreciation that I get to do it by myself and no one needs to come in to measure it.
7. I was really excited when my roommate had surgery and asked for my help in assessing her drainage and swelling....on her butt (and by the fact that she unabashedly asked me to do this can you tell she's a nursing student!?!)
8. I think it's fun to give shots
9. I wear ugly white shoes because they're comfortable
10. Every time I stand up too fast and get lightheaded (which usually happens at least once a day) all of my friends yell, "ORTHOSTATIC HYPOTENSION!!

Grace and Strength

And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Lately I'm finding a lot of peace in just how screwed up I am. I spend so much of my life trying to be my own Savior; trying to prove my righteousness to man, carrying the weight of all of my failings on my shoulders. I think I'm in charge of making my life good and if I don't make things happen, no one will. I let myself get sucked into the lie that God's plan for me might not be enough. And in it I underestimate my sin and in doing so give God credit for very little. But lately, I've really began to see anew and maybe even on a whole new level how incredibly huge my sin really is and with that have been able to recognize how much bigger than that even is God's grace. I am preaching the Gospel to myself again and am standing in awe of my King. I am broken. And it makes my heart burst with joy. His strength has come in my weakness and in admitting I'm in pieces, not at all together the love I feel is overflowing. Funny that it's such an epiphany to remember I'm not the center of the universe :)
So what's all this coming from? I just got back from liberti's in-covenant retreat this past weekend. I don't think I've really blogged about liberti, which is somewhat shocking considering the incredible blessing it has been in my life during my time here in Pennsylvania. I originally attended because it was close to where I was picking up the bed I found on craigslist for $50 (probably the most comfortable $50 purchase ever, thank you couple moving to Arizona). It's in the city, so a big part of me wanted to not want to go there. But I don't think I've ever felt so drawn to be part of a community. The heart of the church seems to match the desires my own heart seeks to live out Gods love and the pull to be a part of what they are doing is enough to make me want to stay in Philadelphia. So the retreat this past weekend was for people looking to find out more about the church to to determine if they are going to join....yes, much cooler than the traditional church membership classes. About 30 of us went up to the Poconos where we not only learned about liberti, but about each other, attempting to share ourselves in real ways. My pastor Geoff urged us to share our "spiritual journeys" and what brought us where we are today rather than just sharing what we do and "the lies we like to tell about ourselves." I don't think of myself as a liar very often. Truth be told I'm pretty crappy at lying. But I was made aware of how often I only present parts of my story, my life, the feelings behind my circumstances in a way that makes me look good...or at least better than I really am. I'll give the parts of me that I think are easy to deal with and hold back the rest. I feel like I'm having to retrain myself to offer people the broken me. The one so in need of grace. And at times it strikes fear into my heart. But the sense of liberation from the feeling that somehow I'm going to be found out, the loving grace that is shown, and the realization that my brothers and sisters are just as broken as me, well, it's showing me how very worth it it is. It's late and I have an exam tomorrow, and I'm not even sure if this is making sense anymore so I think that means it's time for sleep. Goodnight.

Swirling leaves and breathlessness

The colors have become so amazing around here that as I was driving to class today the sight literally took my breath away. It's been awhile since I've had that happen. Been so taken in by the beauty surrounding me that I felt breathless. Usually that's just my crappy asthma/allergy combo making me feel that way. But Fall has fallen and it in incredible. It is an area in which Pennsylvania far surpasses California. The air has become crisp and cool, wind swirls the leaves up around my feet and blows my hair back, and I find myself fighting the urge to find a rake and make piles to jump into. The trees around me reach beyond brown and golds to striking crimsons, scarlets, mustards and ambers. And yet, while the world is so alive with color, there seems to be a tinge of sadness in the air because everyone knows that those beautiful leaves will soon be on the ground and winter will be here. But for now it is just gorgeous and fresh and I am loving it. And I'm sure when there are snowy blankets covering eveything I'll be loving that too. To think this is all merely a glimpse of God's beauty!

Random

I don't really feel like writing anything, I just want to list some thoughts.
I like...
Sitting on high places and swinging my feet.
Drinking through straws
Laughs that are so great you can't help but smile
Anything in a bread bowl
Friends that get me
Being broken and feeling like God is right there beside me
Being warmed by the sun
Realizing I could really be happy almost anywhere
Songs that bring overwhelming emotion

I wonder...
at how the world can be so huge and so small at the same time
how much coincidences are just that
when it becomes overanalyzing
at how much God loves us
at how quickly I forget to love others
why we would rather stay in unhealthy patterns that we know than try better ones that are unknown
if I really want life to make sense

God is holding me close these days. Life feels like a big question mark, but his peace surrounds me. In him I find rest. And it's good.