Being Far Away

Today I'm wondering why it is I moved so far away. I'm having a twinge of sadness as I realize that I've started this new life, one that I really love, so totally separate from my family. And my girls are only phone calls away, but we are no longer doing life together. At times I find myself wondering at friends who were born and raised here in Pennsylvania, who went to college locally, and now raise their families within an hour or so of where they grew up. "Don't they long for adventure? Something...ANYTHING different?!" I ask. But today I find myself envious of those very same people. Those have all of their brothers and sisters and childhood friends within an hour's drive. Who can return to the places that carry memories of life's milestones when they are having a nostalgic moment. I know that is not me. I would be going crazy by now if I hadn't left El Dorado Co. (and I'd likely be married with a kid or two, as that seems to be the trend...though not necessarily in that order). I know I'm where God wants me for now. But I wonder how permanent this change is. I miss my wide open spaces. And yet right now, I can't imagine leaving this place.

Happy New Year!

After a very relaxing trip home to California I am back home in Pennsylvania. It sometimes confuses me as to which I'm supposed to call home, but I've decided since they both are I'll just roll with it. It's kind of like my two dads. They are about as different as night and day and have played different roles in my life but they're both my dads and I love them both dearly if not for the same reasons. Ok, before I go too far off on this tangent, let's redirect. So I'm back home and as the holiday feeling winds down, I'm starting to look forward at 2007. I turn 24 in a couple weeks. I look at that and for some reason think I should start having my life figured out. For the record, I don't. And for this small moment, I'm ok with it. And I wonder if maybe it is, in fact, a clear picture of what my reality will be like. My plans have changed so drastically from those intended, that maybe it's not so much that things are less clear now, but that I'm realizing my most clearly laid plans are just as subject to God's tweaking as any. I CAN'T figure it all out. I can only seek His will, and repent of my many failings along the way.
While I'm not one to really go gung ho on new year's resolutions, I do appreciate the opportunity to reflect on where I've been and where I'm heading. I like fresh starts that come with tangible symbols of new beginnings- crisp notebooks, empty planners, cleaned out files and organized closets. A new chance at doing life better. I will study harder, sleep more, put more into my relationships, offer more justice, grace, mercy, love, hope....or at least that's what I hope and pray. I am filled with good intentions, a few of which I may actually achieve and many of which probably won't. But like all growth it must happen in steps. I went out to dinner last night with a group of friends and at one point we all shared were we where at this time last year. Somewhere completely different from where I am now that's for sure. Some of my desires, dreams, and struggles are the same, but many have changed. I have so much room for growth, but I guess that is life. If we are not seeking, struggling, growing, wondering aren't we just stagnating? I will never reach a state where I don't need Christ. I'm always going to kind of suck at this life thing. But the good news is, I'm never going a place where's he's not. Phew, huh?

Happy New Year Everyone! I wish you all the best in your endeavours!

Today I:

• Had an interview in a car
• Ate a pomegranate that turned my mouth purple
• Thought about how much people's feelings toward me affect my feelings toward them
• Lost my glasses and couldn't find them because I didn't have my glasses
• Had an 87 year old patient tell me I was old when I told her I was 23
• Talked to the people in my elevator
• Was asked how tall I was and if I play basketball 8 times
• Ate dinner with a family
• Had a missing package delivered to my house
• Contemplated why we so often fail to love each other well