Moving to greener pastures

Hey everyone, I've decided to join the bandwagon and move my blog on over to Wordpress. It basically is just easier to operate with more fun features. So if you want to check my blog out, from now on the URL is: http://kalliesmiles.wordpress.com

Hope to see you there!

Snow Day!!!

I had my first Snow Day since first grade today. They are really beautiful things, especially when you think you're getting up at 5 for clinical and get sleep in til 9:30. I lounged around the house in the morning, reading my Bible and drinking coffee and taking care of some things that have been on the "to do" list for some time. I then got the call from that my nanny services were needed for a bored little girl, stuck at home while Dad did work. So I braved the roads to venture out and save the day. My roommates gave me lots of tips on handling snow and they watched on amused as I attempted to clean my car off with a teeny tiny ice scraper. After a few minutes one of them offered up a more appropriate tool :) After my car was de-iced and defrosted, I threw my snow gear in the passenger sear and headed out to play! And man, was it a blast. Olivia's friend Hayden came to join us and there's nothing quite like enchanted kids to make playing in the snow even better. We sledded, made snow angels, built forts and had snowball fights. And when our faces were frozen and our legs were too tired to keep going we went inside to eat homemade chocolate chip cookies and hot cocoa with marshmallows. After our cozy snack we snuggled on the couch and played charades. All in all a very good day. Here are some pics so you can see some of our fun (taken with my new incredibly awesome camera!) Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day!

The Cold "Snap"

I'm starting to learn about REAL cold weather. As the weather folks say, "we're experiencing a cold snap." I always thought of a snap as something quick. This is a biting, painful windy chill that came suddenly and seems to be hanging around. For those of you who blame this on my weak California constitution, I'd like to point out that all the born and raised East Coasters around me are at least as freezing as me. I have been the warmest of my roommates for the past week (albeit the one carrying the most body fat) and the only one not to complain about our apartment's lack of ability to heat itself. With 11-feels-like -10-with-windchill type temperatures, this doesn't seem surprising to me. I'm learning the value of appropriate dress and am starting to feel like Randy from "A Christmas Story" every time I leave the house. Today I actually screamed out, "I can't put my arms dowwwwwn!" as we walked to the exit of St. Mary's. But it works and even though we resemble puffy marshmallows at least I don't have to worry about losing my fingers, toes, ears, and nose.
But really, the persistent thoughts that have been on my mind for the past few days haven't been about my own chilliness. My heart is burdened for the homeless of this city, and really those without shelter in any of the places hit by the 'snap'. For me the cold is merely something to endure until I walk into the next heated building. I can fill my body with hot drinks, soups, chicken pot pie, and snuggle under warm blankets. But there are so many here who have much less appropriate dress than me that are bearing these cold days and even colder nights outdoors. Please join me in prayer for them. And if anyone knows of any ways I can help, or wants to join me in finding something, please let me know.

Dear God,
A lot of your children are cold tonight. My heart breaks for them, and yet Lord, I am not sure where to even begin to help. So I'm pleading for you God to deliver them. Help those who are outside to find comfort and warmth. Fill them from the inside out, taking care of not such their physiological needs, but their spiritual needs as well. Warm their bodies and their hearts. God I admit that I struggle to understand why such suffering still exists; why there are people out in the cold, harsh streets in a land of such wealth. Forgive me for not doing all I can to look out for my brothers and sisters Lord. Forgive me that even amidst all that you have given me in the world, I am not satisfied. I have done nothing to deserve the life of privilege you have given me. I so often look at the blessings in my life as things I have worked for and earned. But God, all of it is from you. Lord, help me to use all that you've given me to serve those in times of need. Guide my heart and show me how to love the world as you do. Amen

The Joys of Wawa

If I'd have heard someone mention "wawa" 9 months ago I probably would have thought they were referring to someone's baby learning to talk. Then I came to live in Pennsylvania, land of a Wawa on every corner (sorry Starbucks). Wawa fever is rampant here and at first I just didn't get it. From the outside it looks like your ordinary convenience store. "Isn't it just like a 7-11 or something?" I asked in my ignorance. My friends were appalled and taken aback by such a statement. Kelly decided it was her job to educate me on the goodness of Wawa. She explained to me firstly, that there were two kinds of Wawa's. "There's your everyday Wawa's Kallie, and then there's what I like to call your Super Wawa's. Super Wawa's are the ones that are gas stations. As if Wawa goodness wasn't enough, they've gone and made them even better." She was quick to point out the the gas was always cheap and the pumps well-lit....yes I'll confirm this is true. Kelly then told me she had something for me to read. She brought to class the next day this gem written by her friend Erin on why Wawa's are the best convenience store ever. I came across it when thumbing through some papers the other day and was reminded of my previously ignorant state. I couldn't let my readers suffer from the same lack of knowledge. I think she expresses explains the joys of Wawa with more passion and experience than I possess, so I've decided to share her writings with you. It's somewhat edited for language to keep this readable for the kids, but here we go...Erin whoever and where ever you are, all the credit to ya! (The bold comments are my own thoughts on the issue)

Well my friend,
You are in great amounts of luck...I have some free time on my hands and can't think of a better way to spend it than to write my larn and spout my praises of a little slice of heaven I call- WAWA. Here is a numbered list (in no particular order):

1. Wawa is clean and nice. 7-Elevens and most other convenience stores are in a consistent state of dirty shadiness - whether they are located in the nice part of town or the slummiest slum ghetto they seem to retain their relatively shady nature. Sooo true! I have been struck by the cleanliness of Wawa's statewide. I mean, I can even use the bathrooms without thinking about all the delights I could probably culture off the surfaces.

2. Wawa has the best hoagies ever in life that don't come from a 'specialty' hoagie shop - such as Lee's - Helloooo - touch-screen-build-a-hoagie?!?!? Touch-scree-build-a-hoagie rocks my world. And the speed and options for sandwich creation make me want to give Wawa a standing ovation.

3. Wawa almost always has my most beloved Doritos - the Salsa variety. And in addition, it's not just Salsa Doritos - Wawa is almost always equipped with whatever I need - my honey wheat pretzels, Frank's hot sauce, mountain dew code red, etc. Very comforting. Ok, so I've never actually had Salsa Doritos, but I can always find what I'm looking for whether it be a pick me up coffee or study break snack.

4. Wawa has SUPREME lemonade iced tea (my sister is addicted) - rivals Tea Cooler my friends - rivals Tea Cooler (actually I think it might be better - it seems a taste test is in order). I will gladly perform that taste test (as I am an avid fan of the Arnold Palmer) and get back to you.

5. Not only are their hoagies and lemonade iced tea orgasmic, but all other Wawa products totally beat all other convenience store products. Weird, wrinkled, strangely red/brown Sunoco hot dog - or plump Wawa dog?? Bagels, breakfast sandwiches, those specialty meat things, potato/macaroni salad - it's all good. Oh what, Dunkin Donuts burned in a fiery blaze (another East Coast phenomenon to be detailed on another day) - Wawa is there for you, ready to please. It may not be ol' D&D but it's still good. Like 7-11 creates things that don't even really exist in life - like weird rolls and stuff. Seriously, I never thought I could like convenience store food. I usually think it = nasty+salmonella. Wawa has shown me there is a better way.

6. Employees gotta mention employees. With the exception of one former Wawa employee who used to work at my Wawa til it closed, all Wawa employees that I have encountered are relatively pleasant nice people. You know they speak clear English, they move fairly quickly, they are not scruffy men that smell like gasoline and cigs, and they are not outwardly rude...not that I really care about any of the stuff, but you won't find those types at Wawa my friend. Being a friendly Californian, this actually does make a big difference to me. I've met some super friendly Wawa employees who ask how my day is, smile, and even give decent directions.

7. They have frozen cappuccinos that are SO good. And their regular cappuccinos and coffee isn't half bad - I know a lot of people who don't go without their Wawa coffee man. As do I. It's pretty good and there's like 1 million different kinds to pick from. Unlike Starb's it won't cost you as much as a meal.

8. One time they caught me stealing a candy bar. No cops were called - I was just banned for awhile - then I came back and like a loving parent, Wawa opened their arms back up to me. I wouldn't recommend trying this...but it sounds like love to me.

9. There nothin like a Wawa fountain soda. Fountain soda tastes different than canned which tastes different from bottled, just as Wawa tastes different from 7-11, the Mobil store thingy, Sunoco, whatever you can think of (I'm not that great at thinking of other stores b/c I am adamantly trying to only patronize Wawa). I've always been a fan of the fountain and the freshness of the Wawa fountain is one to be rivaled.

**This is all off the top of my head - I am confident with more thought I could delve into the subject further. Plus, I am an expert on this subject being that I have lived in other states and visited MANY other proclaimed 'best' Wawa-esque stores. There is one rival I will concede the statement that they are equally good as Wawa and that is Sheetz. Sheetz is VERY good. And 7-11 lays claim to the Slurpee - the ultimate drink. Mmmm, Slurpee....

Thank you Erin. Ok, so I hope this provided those of you previously unfamiliar with Wawa goodness with some valuable information. For those of you already in the know, well feel free to add anything that you think should be shared. I'd like to note the free ATM's...where can you find that these days?! And that the coffee comes with any and every possible add-in. I like mine with just a little milk or half and half, but it's nice to know if I wanted Sugar in the Raw that it's there. If only I had one within 122 steps of my house...some of us are just luckier than others.

Being Far Away

Today I'm wondering why it is I moved so far away. I'm having a twinge of sadness as I realize that I've started this new life, one that I really love, so totally separate from my family. And my girls are only phone calls away, but we are no longer doing life together. At times I find myself wondering at friends who were born and raised here in Pennsylvania, who went to college locally, and now raise their families within an hour or so of where they grew up. "Don't they long for adventure? Something...ANYTHING different?!" I ask. But today I find myself envious of those very same people. Those have all of their brothers and sisters and childhood friends within an hour's drive. Who can return to the places that carry memories of life's milestones when they are having a nostalgic moment. I know that is not me. I would be going crazy by now if I hadn't left El Dorado Co. (and I'd likely be married with a kid or two, as that seems to be the trend...though not necessarily in that order). I know I'm where God wants me for now. But I wonder how permanent this change is. I miss my wide open spaces. And yet right now, I can't imagine leaving this place.

Bum Bum! Bum Bum! This Is The Sound Of Settling....

I thought this "love story" from The Onion was hilarious, so I'm sharing it with you. To all those lonely singles out there, all you need to do is find some who is as desperate and fearful of being alone as you are. It's like a fairy tale!

Couple Brought Together Through Mutual Desperation

Sweet.

This Week's Thoughts

I haven't been very good about keeping this blog up lately. As I look at my recent posts, there really hasn't been anything substantial for awhile. It's definitely not because there's been a lack of things to talk on my mind. Quite the contrary, I feel like my head has been so full of thoughts that I am not quite sure how to put them into any coherent kind of post. So every time I've pulled up my dashboard during the past week my attempt has failed within 5-10 minutes with me realizing that I'm exhausted and that I can't put anything together clearly enough that it would make any sense.
I'm still tired. I still probably can't make sense of things, but I'm determined not to close my dashboard until I've posted something and caught y'all up on a few things. So here we go.

Thought 1: Pride
How often do you find yourself tempted to fall into self-pity? It happens to me way more than I'd like to admit. And I mean, I have a really amazing life. If there were someone who you thought had a right to feel sorry for themselves, it wouldn't be me. And yet my pride over and over again produces in me this sense of entitlement that inevitably leads me to the thoughts and feelings that I "deserve" certain things. I've been doing this World Harvest study called Sonship with a group of girls from my church ( I should probably write women since we're all in our 20's and 30's but I still have a hard time thinking myself as a woman...women have kids and mortgages). It's quite possibly the most convicting study I've ever been a part of, but at the same time, the most hope instilling. Last night's study was on self-pity and pride. The combination of the study with Steve Huber's sermon on Genesis 28, plans and dreams and following the Lord Sunday morning left me extremely conscious, yet again, of how little I really trust God with my life. I constantly revert back to picking up the reigns over my own life, like I can somehow do a better job than God. As part of last weeks study, we had an assignment to identify a common surface (notable) sin that we fall into, then cite a couple recent examples of it. After recognizing the sin, we then looked into the motivation behind that action and how we were using the action to compensate in an area of our life where we weren't truly believing the Gospel. The sin I noted since it seems especially prevalent of late is my worrying about things in the future. I worry about things that are out of my control. I worry about silly things that really shouldn't even be a concern. And I recognize that at the root of that anxiousness is a fear that the future God has for me isn't going to be enough. That it isn't as good as the one I could plan for myself. I place my hope in my dreams above Christ and then find myself crushed, or anxious when life isn't working out the way I plan. How do I get over this pride of mine?! I feel like I could give myself the Sunday School answer- through prayer, being in the word, having accountable relationships....but I think the truth is, I'm always going to struggle with this. I'm daily going to have to recommit myself to believing God's promises. Any helpful thoughts on the topic are appreciated though!

Thought 2: The Disconnect of Worlds
After a meeting I attended with some folks from church on Monday and some thought provoking discussion, I've been thinking a lot about the disconnect of my many worlds. I live a compartmentalized life. Unless you're intentionally trying not to, I think it tends to just happen in modern day middle/upper class America. Once upon a time people worked in their hometowns, sent their kids to the same schools as their neighbors, shopped at local stores, and had cookouts and hangouts with those that lived around him. This isn't my life. I never see my neighbors. Only a couple of my "nursing school friends" and "church friends" have even met. Nobody in my life knows the families I'm babysitting for and I fill up my gas tank weekly to drive all of my many places. Money and transportation make it possible for the worlds we live, work, play, and study in to be almost completely separate from each other. And I think it also make us lonely, busy, and leads to that feeling of disconnectedness. With all these worlds we fit in, how easy does it become to lose track of one another? With all of these worlds to attend to, how easy does it become to lose track of ourselves? I struggle with knowing how to divide my time, how to pour into all my relationships, and how to live a life of simplicity when I have so many things going on in different places with different people. Thoughts of this have been on my mind all week. I want a life of connectedness. I want to have the energy to serve those around me. I want real community. So I'm gonna take some baby steps to try and bring my life together a little bit. Because of the fact that I have a lease, I'm not planning on dropping out of school, and I can't really bring my friends to work with me, there is not going to be a total convergence of things. But I would like to at least like to merge my friend groups a bit.

Thought 3: Finding my Calling
I began my peds clinicals at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia this week. I love it. Just walking into that building makes me happy! I've been in a lot of hospitals in the last few months, and usually after a couple of days I find myself thinking, "yeah, I wouldn't really want to work here."...such is NOT the case with CHOP. The hospital is light, colorful, clean, and full of things to play with:) Not to mention full of tons of cute kids. It is a welcoming cheerful environment, clean without feeling sterile, professional, while still being fun. I'm doing my rotation on a general pediatrics floor where we see kids from 28 days to 18 years old. Taking care of a totally adorable 7 month old yesterday I found myself enjoying the tasks that felt mundane and laborious when performed on 87 year old men during my med surg rotation. I'm in my element with the kids! Now I'm just trying to figure out where in the hospital I belong. The flavor of the week that I'm leaning toward is the Emergency Department. I've been wary of the ED because of the fear of seeing kids who've suffered serious trauma, but I keep turning back to it, reconsidering the possibility. Excitement, variety, challenge, and the chance to show God's love to bunches of kids. I can't wait to be a nurse!

Thought 4: I love my people. However did I get blessed with so many amazing folks?

Thought 5: It's time for The Office and I am stoked.

So there's a few of the things on my mind these days. Maybe my next post will be a little more focused :)

My Accent

My friend Denise had this on her blog and being curious about how I'd turn out I thought I'd follow suit. Glad to see I'm accurately representing my home state :) Word is us westerners don't have an accent! I guess it's the "dude" and "stoked" that give me away as a California girl....or maybe the fact that I get so giddy about the snowflakes and consider 30 degree weather freakin cold.

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The West   Your accent is the lowest common denominator of American speech. Unless you're a SoCal surfer, no one thinks you have an accent. And really, you may not even be from the West at all, you could easily be from Florida or one of those big Southern cities like Dallas or Atlanta.
The Midland
Boston
North Central
The Inland North
Philadelphia
The South
The Northeast
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

THANK YOU!!!

Today I received Mystery Gift #2. A calendar with all my favorite folks from The Office! Here's proof that posting about your problems really can lead to solutions! Whoever sent this, thank you, thank you! If you're not in my family I probably want to marry you. Ok, maybe that's a little far, but the point is I was stoked. It's already on the wall and spreading cheer around the room. It fits the calendar spot perfectly and is a nice replacement for the undersized free endangered species calendar that was holding its place. Thanks again for rocking my world.

A Spoonful of Sugar Helps the Medicine Go Down!...

Wanted: A Nanny for Two Adorable Children

If you want this choice position, have a cheery disposition, rosy cheeks, no warts, play games, all sorts. You must be kind, you must be witty, very sweet, and fairly pretty. Take us on outings, bring us treats, sing songs, bring sweets. Never be cross or cruel, never give us Castor oil or gruel. Love us as a son and daughter, and never smell of barley water. If you won't scold and dominate us we will never give you cause to hate us. We won't hide your spectacles so you can't see, put toads in your bed, or pepper in your tea. Hurry nanny, many thanks, sincerely, Jane and Michael Banks (head nod!)....is it weird that I pulled this out of my head after so many years?

I started a new job yesterday and am quite happy about the decision. I've begun to nanny for delightful 9 year old girl on the Main Line. It's been awhile since I've babysat on any consistent basis and I was struck again with a bit of awe as I was paid for playing with sweet well-behaved girls. That, and I left feeling a strong affinity to Mary Poppins. I haven't gotten a hat with fruit on it or started jumping in and out of chalk pictures, but yes, I'm feeling somewhat akin to my favorite childhood character. I don't know exactly why. Maybe it's because the family I'm nannying for is British. They offer me tea and tell me it's fine to "ring" them at work if necessary. Or maybe it's because my lovely charge told me about others who have watched her who are boring and refuse to play. Maybe because her friend's live-in nanny brought her over for a play date and I felt more like a "nanny" myself than a babysitter. Or maybe it's because the kids and I had a blast playing hide and go seek and even incorporated some picking up and singing into our games. Likely the combination of all of the above. Whatever the reason, it was a good day and I'm happy with the re-entrance of bubbly little girls into my life.
Along with starting a new job, I've also started a new semester. It's not bad to be back in school, but it definitely is different. Sometime during our month off something changed. Graduation no longer feels far off and people are starting to look toward life after we finish. Job Shadows, interviews, and for some, thoughts of moves are on the mind. Our class, which has done everything together since we began last May has been split up for classes for the first time as well. The feeling of it all reminds me of my last year of college. Everyone is still around, but much less around. People are still hanging out, but there is more focus on work, finishing well, and moving on. I can't complain because I am definitely among them. And I don't necessarily see it as bad, but it is change, which of course brings challenges.

Tag! And I don't mean the body spray

So I've been tagged by the lovely Denise, which means I'm supposed to tell y'all five little known facts about myself. Now since many of you who read this know me very well, and I kind of live my life open book style, this is a bit of a challenge, but I'll give it my best shot.

1. I will buy anything sold by children in front of stores or that come to my house even if it is ridiculously over priced. I made a vow while freezing selling Camp Fire candy in front of Albertson's when I was 9 and I've stuck to it.

2. I have a weird thing about food textures. I'm not a picky eater at all, but almost everything I don't like it because of its texture.

3. I love corners. Corners of sectional couches, corners in rooms, I just love curling up, feeling cozy and surrounded.

4. When I go back to my parents place I still enjoy sitting right in front of the fire until I can stand it no longer than running to the couch to press my back against the cushions.

5. I really like giraffes, but I don't like to tell people that because I'm afraid people will start buying me all kinds of crap with giraffes on it.

In the spirit of the game I'm now passing it on. (this sorta goes against my grain since I'm so anti-chain letter, but if I have to do it so do you). I TAG BECKA, BIANCA, and JON FITCH!

The Mystery Shirt

I woke up at 8:30 this morning to the sound of my doorbell ringing. My roommates both left for work early, so I was the only one home...and I was so snug in my wonderful bed and super soft flannel sheets. I lay there for a moment contemplating whether or not to answer the door. Curious about who was coming around at that time of day and recognizing that I was going to have to get up in half an hour anyway, I reluctantly pulled back the covers, threw on a sweatshirt and heading upstairs to answer the door. When I arrived, no one was there, but a Fed Ex package with my name on it was sitting on the stoop. When I opened the package I found this beautiful crabby t-shirt, somewhat appropriate since I was not quite ready to be up yet:) But there was no clue as to who sent it! There are a few people I could have seen it coming from, but I've ruled them all out and I'm mystified. So whoever you are, thanks for the shirt. I was cracking up and you made my morning....and made me want to eat crab.

Calendars

This morning I tried to make some plans with friends and kept forgetting what I've already got on my schedule. This afternoon I decided it was time to get a new calendar for my room and a new planner for my sanity. The selection of calendars offered at the numerous stores I visited left me somewhat disillusioned. How is it that there are so many ugly calendar offerings out there? I mean, at least half of them were covered with cats, or animals dressed up in Victorian outfits or as beachgoers or something. Is this really what people like? I mean I guess there's always the option of the black and white Paris pictures. They're beautiful, but how many years can you do black and white France before it gets a little boring? I checked out calendars.com when I got home and you want to know what the top three best-selling calendars are?

1) Mom's Plan-It
2) Dachshund Puppies
3) Thomas Kinkade Painter of Light

Man, I knew I should have bought the "Nuns Having Fun" calendar I saw when I was browsing shops in San Francisco. Maybe it's because everyone's organizers are on their PC's and PDA's...do you have a calendar? What's on it? Do you know where I can find something better? I'm tempted to just go with the freebies that come from the Sierra Club, or whatever, because at least I won't have to waste my money on boring.

Happy New Year!

After a very relaxing trip home to California I am back home in Pennsylvania. It sometimes confuses me as to which I'm supposed to call home, but I've decided since they both are I'll just roll with it. It's kind of like my two dads. They are about as different as night and day and have played different roles in my life but they're both my dads and I love them both dearly if not for the same reasons. Ok, before I go too far off on this tangent, let's redirect. So I'm back home and as the holiday feeling winds down, I'm starting to look forward at 2007. I turn 24 in a couple weeks. I look at that and for some reason think I should start having my life figured out. For the record, I don't. And for this small moment, I'm ok with it. And I wonder if maybe it is, in fact, a clear picture of what my reality will be like. My plans have changed so drastically from those intended, that maybe it's not so much that things are less clear now, but that I'm realizing my most clearly laid plans are just as subject to God's tweaking as any. I CAN'T figure it all out. I can only seek His will, and repent of my many failings along the way.
While I'm not one to really go gung ho on new year's resolutions, I do appreciate the opportunity to reflect on where I've been and where I'm heading. I like fresh starts that come with tangible symbols of new beginnings- crisp notebooks, empty planners, cleaned out files and organized closets. A new chance at doing life better. I will study harder, sleep more, put more into my relationships, offer more justice, grace, mercy, love, hope....or at least that's what I hope and pray. I am filled with good intentions, a few of which I may actually achieve and many of which probably won't. But like all growth it must happen in steps. I went out to dinner last night with a group of friends and at one point we all shared were we where at this time last year. Somewhere completely different from where I am now that's for sure. Some of my desires, dreams, and struggles are the same, but many have changed. I have so much room for growth, but I guess that is life. If we are not seeking, struggling, growing, wondering aren't we just stagnating? I will never reach a state where I don't need Christ. I'm always going to kind of suck at this life thing. But the good news is, I'm never going a place where's he's not. Phew, huh?

Happy New Year Everyone! I wish you all the best in your endeavours!

'Tis The Season

They say you're the most real version of yourself around your family. If that's the truth, then I'm even more need of Jesus than I already believe I am. I love Christmastime. I embrace the holiday spirit with childlike glee. But I swear, sometimes I think I come back to my parents home and it's like all the growth that has occurred in me over the past five years is out the window and I reverted back to behaviors I like least about myself. I become the teenage version of myself. Ok, maybe not quite, but on some levels yes. I don't give my family nearly anywhere close to the amount of grace and mercy I give everyone else. I let silly things bother me and find myself getting annoyed at them for their humanity. Why don't they just drop the annoying habits and character flaws and be perfect already?
Why is it that I do this? Lord knows I'm so far from perfect myself! So why is being home, while it has it's moments of wonderfulness, so difficult? I think a lot of it lies in my own expectations. I seem to have a very selective memory when it comes to my family. Some of the truth in the term "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is not just in that we miss people, but that we tend to (or at least I tend to) grasp onto the good things and let the conflicts, annoyances, disappointments, etc. be pushed out of my mind. So then I have this fairy tale picture of how great things always are in my mind. I have baskets full of those moments of wonderfulness and when I arrive home to remember that my family only resembles the Brady Bunch in our finest moments, it is suddenly becomes much more difficult. We hurt each other, we disappoint each other, and I often end up wondering where the Christmases of our childhood went. We try and balance the many people and places we're supposed to visit and and the excitement about seeing everyone is strained in the light that we can't possibly please everyone. And I'm learning that as a grown-up, holidays are hard. Still good, and still anticipated, but often a struggle.
All that said, I continue to love this holiday. There is nothing quite like hanging out with all of my brothers and sisters. The bunch grows larger every year and with it the laughter. Even though our humanity can get in the way at times, we really do love each other. Christmas is a celebration of the birth of One who can heal all hurts, One from whom grace and mercy overflows. I praise God that amidst the difficulties that the holiday brings, it more importantly brings Christ. Amidst all my own imperfections it brings my Redeemer. And I praise him that it will continue to be a time to be with my family. I am so thankful for this big, loud, wonderful messy collection of people that accepts and forgives me even when I probably don't deserve it. Lord help us love each other better.

Merry Christmas Everyone! May the Love, Peace, and Joy of the Lord fill you to overflowing this holiday season

Missing Pennsylvania

There are so many things I love about being back in California. My family and friends top this list, but lots of little things fill it. I love that I went to the grocery store today to pick up a couple things and three strangers struck up conversations with me. Friendliness is pretty much to be expected around here. I love the open spaces, the view of the Sierras, the well-planned roads. I love that I can guesstimate how much traffic I will probably hit at any given time and usually be right.

But I miss Philadelphia. And not just the things that make it home like my friends, my church, my studies, my roommates, nor the things that make it beautiful like its history, architecture, diversity, culture, etc. I miss the "realities" of a city in dire need of help. Realities like poverty, crime, discrimination; things that remind me how much I need to be praying and working for the things Jesus was all about. I realize just how very much I want to be a part of positive change in this city in particular.

Thoughts about staying in the area after graduation started a couple months. It actually began with church. I would leave on Sundays so wanting to be a part of liberti's action in the city that I would think, "That's it, I'm staying here!" In the beginning the thoughts faded quickly, and by the time I drove home, my mind had moved on to other things. But then the ideas began to linger and move from fleeting thoughts, to possible plans. The after church ponderings lasted longer and local hospitals began to gain appeal. Was this something I could really consider? When I arrived in Pennsylvania, I had intended to leave as soon as I finish my program. The prayers began. As a girl who's started over numerous times within the last few years, moving has gained appeal. It's exciting. And I love excitement. But staying, for me that's harder. My generation is good at excitement...not nearly as good at commitment. But more and more my ideas about Colorado, Texas, and the Northwest, have been replaced with thoughts about CHOP, Fairmount, and building upon my new found relationships. When I met some lovely ladies on the liberti retreat with ideas similar to my own, I voiced some of my tentative thoughts about staying and excitement about the idea has only been growing since then.

All the while however, I've had this back up plan of elsewhere. I've had the "Philly would be great, but I guess I could always do ---- too." The "I'll interview around to keep my options open." But the truth is, I don't think I want to keep my options open. I am drawn to Philadelphia and it becomes shockingly apparent as I'm back here. I'm finally surrounded by all the things and people I've missed for so long and while I'm cherishing the moments, part of me can't wait to get back. I see friendliness here and I love it, but I find myself thinking, "Wow, there's quite a bit of smiles and friendliness here, Philadelphia definitely needs mine more." So yet again, Kalie's thoughts about her future do not equal God's thoughts...but I'm pretty excited with where He's taking me :)

Small Town Life

Since I left for college almost 6 years ago, I alot of changes have taken place in El Dorado County, and really in Northern California in general. We are a classic picture of urban sprawl and I feel like an old lady with how much I catch myself saying things like, "I remember when none of these houses were here and it was nothing but grazing fields for miles." Houses, shops, and the other things that accompany residential development have filled the once empty countryside and while I know growth is a somewhat necessary evil, I find myself wondering how long the area I grew up in with continue to remain a string of rural towns. We are fast becoming more like Sacramento suburbs, and luxury ones at that. But for now, the small-town-ness still remains, at least on some level. I was reassured of this fact when, as usual, I was unable to make it through my first 24 hours back without running into someone I knew. Usually it happens with the first trip to the store, movies, or out to eat. Once I went to meet a friend for lunch after arriving back in town just that morning and the one other occupied table in the restaurant held a couple we knew from high school. Ah, home sweet home, we said. It drove us crazy when we lived here; anonymity is especially appreciated by high school students. But for a girl who has spent much of her last few years as the newcomer, there is comfort in coming back and knowing familiar faces are still around the places I once frequented. And yet, while it's still a place of comfort and rest, I feel somewhat like a stranger in this community. I can't really blame it on a few new houses or the fancy shopping centers. The truth is, for most here life has continued much as it's always been. It is I that has changed. My world has become a much bigger place than it was when I was growing up. And I'm realizing that it's both a blessing and a curse. I was never one of the ones dying to get out of this small town. I love the community. I love the family centeredness. I love the trees, and the backroads, and the lazy summer days. But I have grown to love the world beyond. I seek adventure, I like to be stretched, and my life has grown beyond this place of my childhood. The more I leave and come back, the more I recognize I'll probably never life in EDC again. But I also find, that I will always come back because even if it's not the place of my future, it will always be one of my most loved locales.

Another day in my charmed life

Yesterday I made my cross-country trek back to California. Ever since I did my CA to PA roadtrip the day long plan trips seems so much more manageable. I'm surprised to say that I actually enjoyed the time I spent traveling yesterday. Weird. But then I think about what it was I did yesterday and it kind of makes more sense.
I...
1. Read an entire novel
2. Watched "Little Miss Sunshine"
3. Caught some old episodes of "The Office"
4. Listened to my favorite music
5. Ate ice cream and Chicago deep dish pizza
6. Had conversations with 5 people I didn't know
7. Did Soduku puzzles

I mean, really that makes a pretty fantastic day! Those are the types of things I felt mostly guilty doing for the last 7 months as I've been knee deep in nursing school. I have definitely had some fun during my time in PA, but usually lurking somewhere in the back of my mind is that thought that I should be studying or writing something or other. However, when spending the entire day in airports and on planes, there is little opportunity to do anything but read, watch movies, eat, listen to music and talk to people. So I let myself relax and enjoy it and it was wonderful.
Still, I have yet to mention what was by far the best part of my day. I recieved an unexpected gift from United Airlines. My second plane from Chicago to Sacramento was overbooked and they needed volunteers to take a later flight. Seeing that my schedule is about as relazed as it comes for the next coupe weeks, I offered to do so, and for hanging out a couple extra hours was rewarded an emergency exit row seat and I free round-trip ticket anywhere in the US... I'm sure this had NOTHING to do with why I was enjoying myself so much yesterday ;) !
When I woke up this morning, the blessings just seemed to continue. Firstly, I got up at 11:30...California time. I actually woke up before that, but in the beauty of vacation was able to snuggle back down in my flannel sheets and mess of blankets for a few more hours. When I finally got up, I came up the stairs where I was greeted with a roaring fire, a hug and my dad asking what I wanted for breakfast, "Waffles, pancakes, french toast?" Crepes! I sat down and my breakfast appeared in front of me, along with a steaming cup of coffee. I ate my delicious crepes, feeling somewhat like a princess and took my coffee with me to a lovely spot by the fire and Christmas tree, where I read and journaled for about an hour and a half. I then showered and my dad took me out to the movies. Pampered! I think if I ever find a guy like him, I'd marry him in about 5 seconds. It's good to be home:)

D-U-N Done!

I'm having to make an effort not to walk around with a ridiculous smile on my face because I am just THAT excited to be done with finals. I think even my insides are probably smiling. Practically a month of freedom...I don't know if I can really even comprehend that. And I leave for California tomorrow. Sweet.

For the Record

I slept for almost 12hrs last night. I was so exhausted that the studying just wasn't working so I went to bed around 8:30. For those of you who know me and my staying up late habits this is pretty amazing. I feel awesome. I just want to document that this actually happened because I hardly believe it myself. That's all.