'Tis The Season

They say you're the most real version of yourself around your family. If that's the truth, then I'm even more need of Jesus than I already believe I am. I love Christmastime. I embrace the holiday spirit with childlike glee. But I swear, sometimes I think I come back to my parents home and it's like all the growth that has occurred in me over the past five years is out the window and I reverted back to behaviors I like least about myself. I become the teenage version of myself. Ok, maybe not quite, but on some levels yes. I don't give my family nearly anywhere close to the amount of grace and mercy I give everyone else. I let silly things bother me and find myself getting annoyed at them for their humanity. Why don't they just drop the annoying habits and character flaws and be perfect already?
Why is it that I do this? Lord knows I'm so far from perfect myself! So why is being home, while it has it's moments of wonderfulness, so difficult? I think a lot of it lies in my own expectations. I seem to have a very selective memory when it comes to my family. Some of the truth in the term "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is not just in that we miss people, but that we tend to (or at least I tend to) grasp onto the good things and let the conflicts, annoyances, disappointments, etc. be pushed out of my mind. So then I have this fairy tale picture of how great things always are in my mind. I have baskets full of those moments of wonderfulness and when I arrive home to remember that my family only resembles the Brady Bunch in our finest moments, it is suddenly becomes much more difficult. We hurt each other, we disappoint each other, and I often end up wondering where the Christmases of our childhood went. We try and balance the many people and places we're supposed to visit and and the excitement about seeing everyone is strained in the light that we can't possibly please everyone. And I'm learning that as a grown-up, holidays are hard. Still good, and still anticipated, but often a struggle.
All that said, I continue to love this holiday. There is nothing quite like hanging out with all of my brothers and sisters. The bunch grows larger every year and with it the laughter. Even though our humanity can get in the way at times, we really do love each other. Christmas is a celebration of the birth of One who can heal all hurts, One from whom grace and mercy overflows. I praise God that amidst the difficulties that the holiday brings, it more importantly brings Christ. Amidst all my own imperfections it brings my Redeemer. And I praise him that it will continue to be a time to be with my family. I am so thankful for this big, loud, wonderful messy collection of people that accepts and forgives me even when I probably don't deserve it. Lord help us love each other better.

Merry Christmas Everyone! May the Love, Peace, and Joy of the Lord fill you to overflowing this holiday season