'Tis The Season

They say you're the most real version of yourself around your family. If that's the truth, then I'm even more need of Jesus than I already believe I am. I love Christmastime. I embrace the holiday spirit with childlike glee. But I swear, sometimes I think I come back to my parents home and it's like all the growth that has occurred in me over the past five years is out the window and I reverted back to behaviors I like least about myself. I become the teenage version of myself. Ok, maybe not quite, but on some levels yes. I don't give my family nearly anywhere close to the amount of grace and mercy I give everyone else. I let silly things bother me and find myself getting annoyed at them for their humanity. Why don't they just drop the annoying habits and character flaws and be perfect already?
Why is it that I do this? Lord knows I'm so far from perfect myself! So why is being home, while it has it's moments of wonderfulness, so difficult? I think a lot of it lies in my own expectations. I seem to have a very selective memory when it comes to my family. Some of the truth in the term "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is not just in that we miss people, but that we tend to (or at least I tend to) grasp onto the good things and let the conflicts, annoyances, disappointments, etc. be pushed out of my mind. So then I have this fairy tale picture of how great things always are in my mind. I have baskets full of those moments of wonderfulness and when I arrive home to remember that my family only resembles the Brady Bunch in our finest moments, it is suddenly becomes much more difficult. We hurt each other, we disappoint each other, and I often end up wondering where the Christmases of our childhood went. We try and balance the many people and places we're supposed to visit and and the excitement about seeing everyone is strained in the light that we can't possibly please everyone. And I'm learning that as a grown-up, holidays are hard. Still good, and still anticipated, but often a struggle.
All that said, I continue to love this holiday. There is nothing quite like hanging out with all of my brothers and sisters. The bunch grows larger every year and with it the laughter. Even though our humanity can get in the way at times, we really do love each other. Christmas is a celebration of the birth of One who can heal all hurts, One from whom grace and mercy overflows. I praise God that amidst the difficulties that the holiday brings, it more importantly brings Christ. Amidst all my own imperfections it brings my Redeemer. And I praise him that it will continue to be a time to be with my family. I am so thankful for this big, loud, wonderful messy collection of people that accepts and forgives me even when I probably don't deserve it. Lord help us love each other better.

Merry Christmas Everyone! May the Love, Peace, and Joy of the Lord fill you to overflowing this holiday season

Missing Pennsylvania

There are so many things I love about being back in California. My family and friends top this list, but lots of little things fill it. I love that I went to the grocery store today to pick up a couple things and three strangers struck up conversations with me. Friendliness is pretty much to be expected around here. I love the open spaces, the view of the Sierras, the well-planned roads. I love that I can guesstimate how much traffic I will probably hit at any given time and usually be right.

But I miss Philadelphia. And not just the things that make it home like my friends, my church, my studies, my roommates, nor the things that make it beautiful like its history, architecture, diversity, culture, etc. I miss the "realities" of a city in dire need of help. Realities like poverty, crime, discrimination; things that remind me how much I need to be praying and working for the things Jesus was all about. I realize just how very much I want to be a part of positive change in this city in particular.

Thoughts about staying in the area after graduation started a couple months. It actually began with church. I would leave on Sundays so wanting to be a part of liberti's action in the city that I would think, "That's it, I'm staying here!" In the beginning the thoughts faded quickly, and by the time I drove home, my mind had moved on to other things. But then the ideas began to linger and move from fleeting thoughts, to possible plans. The after church ponderings lasted longer and local hospitals began to gain appeal. Was this something I could really consider? When I arrived in Pennsylvania, I had intended to leave as soon as I finish my program. The prayers began. As a girl who's started over numerous times within the last few years, moving has gained appeal. It's exciting. And I love excitement. But staying, for me that's harder. My generation is good at excitement...not nearly as good at commitment. But more and more my ideas about Colorado, Texas, and the Northwest, have been replaced with thoughts about CHOP, Fairmount, and building upon my new found relationships. When I met some lovely ladies on the liberti retreat with ideas similar to my own, I voiced some of my tentative thoughts about staying and excitement about the idea has only been growing since then.

All the while however, I've had this back up plan of elsewhere. I've had the "Philly would be great, but I guess I could always do ---- too." The "I'll interview around to keep my options open." But the truth is, I don't think I want to keep my options open. I am drawn to Philadelphia and it becomes shockingly apparent as I'm back here. I'm finally surrounded by all the things and people I've missed for so long and while I'm cherishing the moments, part of me can't wait to get back. I see friendliness here and I love it, but I find myself thinking, "Wow, there's quite a bit of smiles and friendliness here, Philadelphia definitely needs mine more." So yet again, Kalie's thoughts about her future do not equal God's thoughts...but I'm pretty excited with where He's taking me :)

Small Town Life

Since I left for college almost 6 years ago, I alot of changes have taken place in El Dorado County, and really in Northern California in general. We are a classic picture of urban sprawl and I feel like an old lady with how much I catch myself saying things like, "I remember when none of these houses were here and it was nothing but grazing fields for miles." Houses, shops, and the other things that accompany residential development have filled the once empty countryside and while I know growth is a somewhat necessary evil, I find myself wondering how long the area I grew up in with continue to remain a string of rural towns. We are fast becoming more like Sacramento suburbs, and luxury ones at that. But for now, the small-town-ness still remains, at least on some level. I was reassured of this fact when, as usual, I was unable to make it through my first 24 hours back without running into someone I knew. Usually it happens with the first trip to the store, movies, or out to eat. Once I went to meet a friend for lunch after arriving back in town just that morning and the one other occupied table in the restaurant held a couple we knew from high school. Ah, home sweet home, we said. It drove us crazy when we lived here; anonymity is especially appreciated by high school students. But for a girl who has spent much of her last few years as the newcomer, there is comfort in coming back and knowing familiar faces are still around the places I once frequented. And yet, while it's still a place of comfort and rest, I feel somewhat like a stranger in this community. I can't really blame it on a few new houses or the fancy shopping centers. The truth is, for most here life has continued much as it's always been. It is I that has changed. My world has become a much bigger place than it was when I was growing up. And I'm realizing that it's both a blessing and a curse. I was never one of the ones dying to get out of this small town. I love the community. I love the family centeredness. I love the trees, and the backroads, and the lazy summer days. But I have grown to love the world beyond. I seek adventure, I like to be stretched, and my life has grown beyond this place of my childhood. The more I leave and come back, the more I recognize I'll probably never life in EDC again. But I also find, that I will always come back because even if it's not the place of my future, it will always be one of my most loved locales.

Another day in my charmed life

Yesterday I made my cross-country trek back to California. Ever since I did my CA to PA roadtrip the day long plan trips seems so much more manageable. I'm surprised to say that I actually enjoyed the time I spent traveling yesterday. Weird. But then I think about what it was I did yesterday and it kind of makes more sense.
I...
1. Read an entire novel
2. Watched "Little Miss Sunshine"
3. Caught some old episodes of "The Office"
4. Listened to my favorite music
5. Ate ice cream and Chicago deep dish pizza
6. Had conversations with 5 people I didn't know
7. Did Soduku puzzles

I mean, really that makes a pretty fantastic day! Those are the types of things I felt mostly guilty doing for the last 7 months as I've been knee deep in nursing school. I have definitely had some fun during my time in PA, but usually lurking somewhere in the back of my mind is that thought that I should be studying or writing something or other. However, when spending the entire day in airports and on planes, there is little opportunity to do anything but read, watch movies, eat, listen to music and talk to people. So I let myself relax and enjoy it and it was wonderful.
Still, I have yet to mention what was by far the best part of my day. I recieved an unexpected gift from United Airlines. My second plane from Chicago to Sacramento was overbooked and they needed volunteers to take a later flight. Seeing that my schedule is about as relazed as it comes for the next coupe weeks, I offered to do so, and for hanging out a couple extra hours was rewarded an emergency exit row seat and I free round-trip ticket anywhere in the US... I'm sure this had NOTHING to do with why I was enjoying myself so much yesterday ;) !
When I woke up this morning, the blessings just seemed to continue. Firstly, I got up at 11:30...California time. I actually woke up before that, but in the beauty of vacation was able to snuggle back down in my flannel sheets and mess of blankets for a few more hours. When I finally got up, I came up the stairs where I was greeted with a roaring fire, a hug and my dad asking what I wanted for breakfast, "Waffles, pancakes, french toast?" Crepes! I sat down and my breakfast appeared in front of me, along with a steaming cup of coffee. I ate my delicious crepes, feeling somewhat like a princess and took my coffee with me to a lovely spot by the fire and Christmas tree, where I read and journaled for about an hour and a half. I then showered and my dad took me out to the movies. Pampered! I think if I ever find a guy like him, I'd marry him in about 5 seconds. It's good to be home:)

D-U-N Done!

I'm having to make an effort not to walk around with a ridiculous smile on my face because I am just THAT excited to be done with finals. I think even my insides are probably smiling. Practically a month of freedom...I don't know if I can really even comprehend that. And I leave for California tomorrow. Sweet.

For the Record

I slept for almost 12hrs last night. I was so exhausted that the studying just wasn't working so I went to bed around 8:30. For those of you who know me and my staying up late habits this is pretty amazing. I feel awesome. I just want to document that this actually happened because I hardly believe it myself. That's all.

One of my new faves

So I am unofficially the most unproductive person on the planet. It's just that I simply cannot study anymore! So I'm banishing myself from the house for a bit and hoping that some motivated friends and a pumpkin spice latte will get me in the mood. I thought I would leave you with some procrastination material of your own though.

So Pat Robitaille has recently been added to the list of my favorite singer/songwriters. I found out about him from my friend Dave and immediately loved his stuff. His music is soulful and soothing and reminds me of being on the swings at Avila, or wading into the river in Coloma. I was pretty surprised to find out Pat's just a 20 year old kid from Canada and unfortunately he's only touring up there right now. I figure maybe if we give him some props down here we can spread the name and maybe he'll decide to set up some shows in the US. Check him out :)

Finals? What?

So it has been a pretty fantastic weekend. Likely because I've totally been in denial that finals week is upon me. This afternoon reality began to set in, but at least I managed to squeeze in some festive fun first. It began yesterday with a Christmas Cookie Swap and luncheon I did with some of my favorite ladies. For the past couple of years my friends at home have hosted a cookie swap, and obligations and/or distance always seems to get in the way of my going. So I decided rather than be bummed about missing it again, I would throw one of my own! I usually need to throw at least one holiday part to fulfill my need for Christmas music, eggnog, and and holiday spirit and it seemed the perfect choice (though last year's ugly Christmas sweater party still holds a dear place in my heart). It turned out great! Ended up that the majority of the girls who came were not experienced bakers, but they rose to the challenge and arrived with an abundant array of delectable treats! I was so proud! We embraced our domestic-ness and girliness, and Charis decided after her first cookie-making experience that maybe she should open her own bakery. "I would wear old t-shirts, and have flour in my hair, and people could just come and eat and it would be a place they could just hang out. I would serve love, and justice, and baked things. And we'd be right next door to a florist, so there would be fresh flowers on all the tables, and the florist and I would trade flowers and treats. Wouldn't that be great?" I love it :)

Following a delightful afternoon, I headed over to Villanova for the game vs. Drexel. Can I just tell you how much I love going to college basketball games again? It was admittedly a somewhat painful game to watch, so I won't go into details except to say our defense was a little lacking and the refs were not the best in the world. Still, I have faith they'll step it up! It's kind of cool to get free tickets to games people are on 15 year long waiting lists for :)

Despite the greatness of Saturday, by far the highlight of the weekend was coming into covenant at my church liberti. Let me phrase that in normal people language: I joined my amazing church today! I am so stoked to be a part of this body of imperfect believers striving after the heart of Christ. They are what makes
me want to stay in this city. The fact that it was followed by a hug buffet of course was great too!

I've included pics from the cookie swap for your viewing pleasure!

My brain is full

It seems like it's about time I throw a new post up here, but my brain is so packed with information about organ failure, transplants, AIDS, and neuro pathology that there isn't really any room for introspection about anything! And I'm pretty sure most of you aren't that interested in the necessary nursing interventions to take with a post kidney transplant patient:) I WILL say that despite the fact that I've spent the last couple days trying to cram as much into my head as possible and haven't slept a ton as a result, I can help but be in a fantastic mood because today was my last day EVER of Med/Surg Clinical! While I am super excited at the thought of becoming a nurse, God and tele floors have made it very clear that Med/Surg just isn't me. To take my uniform off knowing I won't be wearing it again for a month and a half only added to my joy. And when I do put in on, it will be to go work with the kiddies! Next semester brings Peds and OB. How exciting is that?! Answer: totally exciting...though probably not quite as exciting as the fact that in less than two weeks I'll be visiting my California loves!