Kallie-ventures

Moving to greener pastures

2007-02-16T00:22:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone, I've decided to join the bandwagon and move my blog on over to Wordpress. It basically is just easier to operate with more fun features. So if you want to check my blog out, from now on the URL is: http://kalliesmiles.wordpress.com

Hope to see you there!

Snow Day!!!

2007-02-14T19:32:00.000-05:00

I had my first Snow Day since first grade today. They are really beautiful things, especially when you think you're getting up at 5 for clinical and get sleep in til 9:30. I lounged around the house in the morning, reading my Bible and drinking coffee and taking care of some things that have been on the "to do" list for some time. I then got the call from that my nanny services were needed for a bored little girl, stuck at home while Dad did work. So I braved the roads to venture out and save the day. My roommates gave me lots of tips on handling snow and they watched on amused as I attempted to clean my car off with a teeny tiny ice scraper. After a few minutes one of them offered up a more appropriate tool :) After my car was de-iced and defrosted, I threw my snow gear in the passenger sear and headed out to play! And man, was it a blast. Olivia's friend Hayden came to join us and there's nothing quite like enchanted kids to make playing in the snow even better. We sledded, made snow angels, built forts and had snowball fights. And when our faces were frozen and our legs were too tired to keep going we went inside to eat homemade chocolate chip cookies and hot cocoa with marshmallows. After our cozy snack we snuggled on the couch and played charades. All in all a very good day. Here are some pics so you can see some of our fun (taken with my new incredibly awesome camera!) Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day!

The Cold "Snap"

2007-02-06T19:25:00.000-05:00

I'm starting to learn about REAL cold weather. As the weather folks say, "we're experiencing a cold snap." I always thought of a snap as something quick. This is a biting, painful windy chill that came suddenly and seems to be hanging around. For those of you who blame this on my weak California constitution, I'd like to point out that all the born and raised East Coasters around me are at least as freezing as me. I have been the warmest of my roommates for the past week (albeit the one carrying the most body fat) and the only one not to complain about our apartment's lack of ability to heat itself. With 11-feels-like -10-with-windchill type temperatures, this doesn't seem surprising to me. I'm learning the value of appropriate dress and am starting to feel like Randy from "A Christmas Story" every time I leave the house. Today I actually screamed out, "I can't put my arms dowwwwwn!" as we walked to the exit of St. Mary's. But it works and even though we resemble puffy marshmallows at least I don't have to worry about losing my fingers, toes, ears, and nose.
But really, the persistent thoughts that have been on my mind for the past few days haven't been about my own chilliness. My heart is burdened for the homeless of this city, and really those without shelter in any of the places hit by the 'snap'. For me the cold is merely something to endure until I walk into the next heated building. I can fill my body with hot drinks, soups, chicken pot pie, and snuggle under warm blankets. But there are so many here who have much less appropriate dress than me that are bearing these cold days and even colder nights outdoors. Please join me in prayer for them. And if anyone knows of any ways I can help, or wants to join me in finding something, please let me know.

Dear God,
A lot of your children are cold tonight. My heart breaks for them, and yet Lord, I am not sure where to even begin to help. So I'm pleading for you God to deliver them. Help those who are outside to find comfort and warmth. Fill them from the inside out, taking care of not such their physiological needs, but their spiritual needs as well. Warm their bodies and their hearts. God I admit that I struggle to understand why such suffering still exists; why there are people out in the cold, harsh streets in a land of such wealth. Forgive me for not doing all I can to look out for my brothers and sisters Lord. Forgive me that even amidst all that you have given me in the world, I am not satisfied. I have done nothing to deserve the life of privilege you have given me. I so often look at the blessings in my life as things I have worked for and earned. But God, all of it is from you. Lord, help me to use all that you've given me to serve those in times of need. Guide my heart and show me how to love the world as you do. Amen

The Joys of Wawa

2007-01-30T22:41:00.000-05:00

If I'd have heard someone mention "wawa" 9 months ago I probably would have thought they were referring to someone's baby learning to talk. Then I came to live in Pennsylvania, land of a Wawa on every corner (sorry Starbucks). Wawa fever is rampant here and at first I just didn't get it. From the outside it looks like your ordinary convenience store. "Isn't it just like a 7-11 or something?" I asked in my ignorance. My friends were appalled and taken aback by such a statement. Kelly decided it was her job to educate me on the goodness of Wawa. She explained to me firstly, that there were two kinds of Wawa's. "There's your everyday Wawa's Kallie, and then there's what I like to call your Super Wawa's. Super Wawa's are the ones that are gas stations. As if Wawa goodness wasn't enough, they've gone and made them even better." She was quick to point out the the gas was always cheap and the pumps well-lit....yes I'll confirm this is true. Kelly then told me she had something for me to read. She brought to class the next day this gem written by her friend Erin on why Wawa's are the best convenience store ever. I came across it when thumbing through some papers the other day and was reminded of my previously ignorant state. I couldn't let my readers suffer from the same lack of knowledge. I think she expresses explains the joys of Wawa with more passion and experience than I possess, so I've decided to share her writings with you. It's somewhat edited for language to keep this readable for the kids, but here we go...Erin whoever and where ever you are, all the credit to ya! (The bold comments are my own thoughts on the issue)

Well my friend,
You are in great amounts of luck...I have some free time on my hands and can't think of a better way to spend it than to write my larn and spout my praises of a little slice of heaven I call- WAWA. Here is a numbered list (in no particular order):

1. Wawa is clean and nice. 7-Elevens and most other convenience stores are in a consistent state of dirty shadiness - whether they are located in the nice part of town or the slummiest slum ghetto they seem to retain their relatively shady nature. Sooo true! I have been struck by the cleanliness of Wawa's statewide. I mean, I can even use the bathrooms without thinking about all the delights I could probably culture off the surfaces.

2. Wawa has the best hoagies ever in life that don't come from a 'specialty' hoagie shop - such as Lee's - Helloooo - touch-screen-build-a-hoagie?!?!? Touch-scree-build-a-hoagie rocks my world. And the speed and options for sandwich creation make me want to give Wawa a standing ovation.

3. Wawa almost always has my most beloved Doritos - the Salsa variety. And in addition, it's not just Salsa Doritos - Wawa is almost always equipped with whatever I need - my honey wheat pretzels, Frank's hot sauce, mountain dew code red, etc. Very comforting. Ok, so I've never actually had Salsa Doritos, but I can always find what I'm looking for whether it be a pick me up coffee or study break snack.

4. Wawa has SUPREME lemonade iced tea (my sister is addicted) - rivals Tea Cooler my friends - rivals Tea Cooler (actually I think it might be better - it seems a taste test is in order). I will gladly perform that taste test (as I am an avid fan of the Arnold Palmer) and get back to you.

5. Not only are their hoagies and lemonade iced tea orgasmic, but all other Wawa products totally beat all other convenience store products. Weird, wrinkled, strangely red/brown Sunoco hot dog - or plump Wawa dog?? Bagels, breakfast sandwiches, those specialty meat things, potato/macaroni salad - it's all good. Oh what, Dunkin Donuts burned in a fiery blaze (another East Coast phenomenon to be detailed on another day) - Wawa is there for you, ready to please. It may not be ol' D&D but it's still good. Like 7-11 creates things that don't even really exist in life - like weird rolls and stuff. Seriously, I never thought I could like convenience store food. I usually think it = nasty+salmonella. Wawa has shown me there is a better way.

6. Employees gotta mention employees. With the exception of one former Wawa employee who used to work at my Wawa til it closed, all Wawa employees that I have encountered are relatively pleasant nice people. You know they speak clear English, they move fairly quickly, they are not scruffy men that smell like gasoline and cigs, and they are not outwardly rude...not that I really care about any of the stuff, but you won't find those types at Wawa my friend. Being a friendly Californian, this actually does make a big difference to me. I've met some super friendly Wawa employees who ask how my day is, smile, and even give decent directions.

7. They have frozen cappuccinos that are SO good. And their regular cappuccinos and coffee isn't half bad - I know a lot of people who don't go without their Wawa coffee man. As do I. It's pretty good and there's like 1 million different kinds to pick from. Unlike Starb's it won't cost you as much as a meal.

8. One time they caught me stealing a candy bar. No cops were called - I was just banned for awhile - then I came back and like a loving parent, Wawa opened their arms back up to me. I wouldn't recommend trying this...but it sounds like love to me.

9. There nothin like a Wawa fountain soda. Fountain soda tastes different than canned which tastes different from bottled, just as Wawa tastes different from 7-11, the Mobil store thingy, Sunoco, whatever you can think of (I'm not that great at thinking of other stores b/c I am adamantly trying to only patronize Wawa). I've always been a fan of the fountain and the freshness of the Wawa fountain is one to be rivaled.

**This is all off the top of my head - I am confident with more thought I could delve into the subject further. Plus, I am an expert on this subject being that I have lived in other states and visited MANY other proclaimed 'best' Wawa-esque stores. There is one rival I will concede the statement that they are equally good as Wawa and that is Sheetz. Sheetz is VERY good. And 7-11 lays claim to the Slurpee - the ultimate drink. Mmmm, Slurpee....

Thank you Erin. Ok, so I hope this provided those of you previously unfamiliar with Wawa goodness with some valuable information. For those of you already in the know, well feel free to add anything that you think should be shared. I'd like to note the free ATM's...where can you find that these days?! And that the coffee comes with any and every possible add-in. I like mine with just a little milk or half and half, but it's nice to know if I wanted Sugar in the Raw that it's there. If only I had one within 122 steps of my house...some of us are just luckier than others.

Being Far Away

2007-01-27T11:06:00.000-05:00

Today I'm wondering why it is I moved so far away. I'm having a twinge of sadness as I realize that I've started this new life, one that I really love, so totally separate from my family. And my girls are only phone calls away, but we are no longer doing life together. At times I find myself wondering at friends who were born and raised here in Pennsylvania, who went to college locally, and now raise their families within an hour or so of where they grew up. "Don't they long for adventure? Something...ANYTHING different?!" I ask. But today I find myself envious of those very same people. Those have all of their brothers and sisters and childhood friends within an hour's drive. Who can return to the places that carry memories of life's milestones when they are having a nostalgic moment. I know that is not me. I would be going crazy by now if I hadn't left El Dorado Co. (and I'd likely be married with a kid or two, as that seems to be the trend...though not necessarily in that order). I know I'm where God wants me for now. But I wonder how permanent this change is. I miss my wide open spaces. And yet right now, I can't imagine leaving this place.

Bum Bum! Bum Bum! This Is The Sound Of Settling....

2007-01-26T14:09:00.000-05:00

I thought this "love story" from The Onion was hilarious, so I'm sharing it with you. To all those lonely singles out there, all you need to do is find some who is as desperate and fearful of being alone as you are. It's like a fairy tale!

Couple Brought Together Through Mutual Desperation

Sweet.

This Week's Thoughts

2007-01-25T20:30:00.000-05:00

I haven't been very good about keeping this blog up lately. As I look at my recent posts, there really hasn't been anything substantial for awhile. It's definitely not because there's been a lack of things to talk on my mind. Quite the contrary, I feel like my head has been so full of thoughts that I am not quite sure how to put them into any coherent kind of post. So every time I've pulled up my dashboard during the past week my attempt has failed within 5-10 minutes with me realizing that I'm exhausted and that I can't put anything together clearly enough that it would make any sense.
I'm still tired. I still probably can't make sense of things, but I'm determined not to close my dashboard until I've posted something and caught y'all up on a few things. So here we go.

Thought 1: Pride
How often do you find yourself tempted to fall into self-pity? It happens to me way more than I'd like to admit. And I mean, I have a really amazing life. If there were someone who you thought had a right to feel sorry for themselves, it wouldn't be me. And yet my pride over and over again produces in me this sense of entitlement that inevitably leads me to the thoughts and feelings that I "deserve" certain things. I've been doing this World Harvest study called Sonship with a group of girls from my church ( I should probably write women since we're all in our 20's and 30's but I still have a hard time thinking myself as a woman...women have kids and mortgages). It's quite possibly the most convicting study I've ever been a part of, but at the same time, the most hope instilling. Last night's study was on self-pity and pride. The combination of the study with Steve Huber's sermon on Genesis 28, plans and dreams and following the Lord Sunday morning left me extremely conscious, yet again, of how little I really trust God with my life. I constantly revert back to picking up the reigns over my own life, like I can somehow do a better job than God. As part of last weeks study, we had an assignment to identify a common surface (notable) sin that we fall into, then cite a couple recent examples of it. After recognizing the sin, we then looked into the motivation behind that action and how we were using the action to compensate in an area of our life where we weren't truly believing the Gospel. The sin I noted since it seems especially prevalent of late is my worrying about things in the future. I worry about things that are out of my control. I worry about silly things that really shouldn't even be a concern. And I recognize that at the root of that anxiousness is a fear that the future God has for me isn't going to be enough. That it isn't as good as the one I could plan for myself. I place my hope in my dreams above Christ and then find myself crushed, or anxious when life isn't working out the way I plan. How do I get over this pride of mine?! I feel like I could give myself the Sunday School answer- through prayer, being in the word, having accountable relationships....but I think the truth is, I'm always going to struggle with this. I'm daily going to have to recommit myself to believing God's promises. Any helpful thoughts on the topic are appreciated though!

Thought 2: The Disconnect of Worlds
After a meeting I attended with some folks from church on Monday and some thought provoking discussion, I've been thinking a lot about the disconnect of my many worlds. I live a compartmentalized life. Unless you're intentionally trying not to, I think it tends to just happen in modern day middle/upper class America. Once upon a time people worked in their hometowns, sent their kids to the same schools as their neighbors, shopped at local stores, and had cookouts and hangouts with those that lived around him. This isn't my life. I never see my neighbors. Only a couple of my "nursing school friends" and "church friends" have even met. Nobody in my life knows the families I'm babysitting for and I fill up my gas tank weekly to drive all of my many places. Money and transportation make it possible for the worlds we live, work, play, and study in to be almost completely separate from each other. And I think it also make us lonely, busy, and leads to that feeling of disconnectedness. With all these worlds we fit in, how easy does it become to lose track of one another? With all of these worlds to attend to, how easy does it become to lose track of ourselves? I struggle with knowing how to divide my time, how to pour into all my relationships, and how to live a life of simplicity when I have so many things going on in different places with different people. Thoughts of this have been on my mind all week. I want a life of connectedness. I want to have the energy to serve those around me. I want real community. So I'm gonna take some baby steps to try and bring my life together a little bit. Because of the fact that I have a lease, I'm not planning on dropping out of school, and I can't really bring my friends to work with me, there is not going to be a total convergence of things. But I would like to at least like to merge my friend groups a bit.

Thought 3: Finding my Calling
I began my peds clinicals at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia this week. I love it. Just walking into that building makes me happy! I've been in a lot of hospitals in the last few months, and usually after a couple of days I find myself thinking, "yeah, I wouldn't really want to work here."...such is NOT the case with CHOP. The hospital is light, colorful, clean, and full of things to play with:) Not to mention full of tons of cute kids. It is a welcoming cheerful environment, clean without feeling sterile, professional, while still being fun. I'm doing my rotation on a general pediatrics floor where we see kids from 28 days to 18 years old. Taking care of a totally adorable 7 month old yesterday I found myself enjoying the tasks that felt mundane and laborious when performed on 87 year old men during my med surg rotation. I'm in my element with the kids! Now I'm just trying to figure out where in the hospital I belong. The flavor of the week that I'm leaning toward is the Emergency Department. I've been wary of the ED because of the fear of seeing kids who've suffered serious trauma, but I keep turning back to it, reconsidering the possibility. Excitement, variety, challenge, and the chance to show God's love to bunches of kids. I can't wait to be a nurse!

Thought 4: I love my people. However did I get blessed with so many amazing folks?

Thought 5: It's time for The Office and I am stoked.

So there's a few of the things on my mind these days. Maybe my next post will be a little more focused :)

My Accent

2007-01-25T13:49:00.000-05:00

My friend Denise had this on her blog and being curious about how I'd turn out I thought I'd follow suit. Glad to see I'm accurately representing my home state :) Word is us westerners don't have an accent! I guess it's the "dude" and "stoked" that give me away as a California girl....or maybe the fact that I get so giddy about the snowflakes and consider 30 degree weather freakin cold.

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The West Your accent is the lowest common denominator of American speech. Unless you're a SoCal surfer, no one thinks you have an accent. And really, you may not even be from the West at all, you could easily be from Florida or one of those big Southern cities like Dallas or Atlanta.
The Midland
Boston
North Central
The Inland North
Philadelphia
The South
The Northeast
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

THANK YOU!!!

2007-01-20T12:40:00.000-05:00

Today I received Mystery Gift #2. A calendar with all my favorite folks from The Office! Here's proof that posting about your problems really can lead to solutions! Whoever sent this, thank you, thank you! If you're not in my family I probably want to marry you. Ok, maybe that's a little far, but the point is I was stoked. It's already on the wall and spreading cheer around the room. It fits the calendar spot perfectly and is a nice replacement for the undersized free endangered species calendar that was holding its place. Thanks again for rocking my world.

A Spoonful of Sugar Helps the Medicine Go Down!...

2007-01-19T22:41:00.000-05:00

Wanted: A Nanny for Two Adorable Children

If you want this choice position, have a cheery disposition, rosy cheeks, no warts, play games, all sorts. You must be kind, you must be witty, very sweet, and fairly pretty. Take us on outings, bring us treats, sing songs, bring sweets. Never be cross or cruel, never give us Castor oil or gruel. Love us as a son and daughter, and never smell of barley water. If you won't scold and dominate us we will never give you cause to hate us. We won't hide your spectacles so you can't see, put toads in your bed, or pepper in your tea. Hurry nanny, many thanks, sincerely, Jane and Michael Banks (head nod!)....is it weird that I pulled this out of my head after so many years?

I started a new job yesterday and am quite happy about the decision. I've begun to nanny for delightful 9 year old girl on the Main Line. It's been awhile since I've babysat on any consistent basis and I was struck again with a bit of awe as I was paid for playing with sweet well-behaved girls. That, and I left feeling a strong affinity to Mary Poppins. I haven't gotten a hat with fruit on it or started jumping in and out of chalk pictures, but yes, I'm feeling somewhat akin to my favorite childhood character. I don't know exactly why. Maybe it's because the family I'm nannying for is British. They offer me tea and tell me it's fine to "ring" them at work if necessary. Or maybe it's because my lovely charge told me about others who have watched her who are boring and refuse to play. Maybe because her friend's live-in nanny brought her over for a play date and I felt more like a "nanny" myself than a babysitter. Or maybe it's because the kids and I had a blast playing hide and go seek and even incorporated some picking up and singing into our games. Likely the combination of all of the above. Whatever the reason, it was a good day and I'm happy with the re-entrance of bubbly little girls into my life.
Along with starting a new job, I've also started a new semester. It's not bad to be back in school, but it definitely is different. Sometime during our month off something changed. Graduation no longer feels far off and people are starting to look toward life after we finish. Job Shadows, interviews, and for some, thoughts of moves are on the mind. Our class, which has done everything together since we began last May has been split up for classes for the first time as well. The feeling of it all reminds me of my last year of college. Everyone is still around, but much less around. People are still hanging out, but there is more focus on work, finishing well, and moving on. I can't complain because I am definitely among them. And I don't necessarily see it as bad, but it is change, which of course brings challenges.

Tag! And I don't mean the body spray

2007-01-13T21:22:00.000-05:00

So I've been tagged by the lovely Denise, which means I'm supposed to tell y'all five little known facts about myself. Now since many of you who read this know me very well, and I kind of live my life open book style, this is a bit of a challenge, but I'll give it my best shot.

1. I will buy anything sold by children in front of stores or that come to my house even if it is ridiculously over priced. I made a vow while freezing selling Camp Fire candy in front of Albertson's when I was 9 and I've stuck to it.

2. I have a weird thing about food textures. I'm not a picky eater at all, but almost everything I don't like it because of its texture.

3. I love corners. Corners of sectional couches, corners in rooms, I just love curling up, feeling cozy and surrounded.

4. When I go back to my parents place I still enjoy sitting right in front of the fire until I can stand it no longer than running to the couch to press my back against the cushions.

5. I really like giraffes, but I don't like to tell people that because I'm afraid people will start buying me all kinds of crap with giraffes on it.

In the spirit of the game I'm now passing it on. (this sorta goes against my grain since I'm so anti-chain letter, but if I have to do it so do you). I TAG BECKA, BIANCA, and JON FITCH!

The Mystery Shirt

2007-01-11T23:24:00.000-05:00

I woke up at 8:30 this morning to the sound of my doorbell ringing. My roommates both left for work early, so I was the only one home...and I was so snug in my wonderful bed and super soft flannel sheets. I lay there for a moment contemplating whether or not to answer the door. Curious about who was coming around at that time of day and recognizing that I was going to have to get up in half an hour anyway, I reluctantly pulled back the covers, threw on a sweatshirt and heading upstairs to answer the door. When I arrived, no one was there, but a Fed Ex package with my name on it was sitting on the stoop. When I opened the package I found this beautiful crabby t-shirt, somewhat appropriate since I was not quite ready to be up yet:) But there was no clue as to who sent it! There are a few people I could have seen it coming from, but I've ruled them all out and I'm mystified. So whoever you are, thanks for the shirt. I was cracking up and you made my morning....and made me want to eat crab.

Calendars

2007-01-07T20:21:00.000-05:00

This morning I tried to make some plans with friends and kept forgetting what I've already got on my schedule. This afternoon I decided it was time to get a new calendar for my room and a new planner for my sanity. The selection of calendars offered at the numerous stores I visited left me somewhat disillusioned. How is it that there are so many ugly calendar offerings out there? I mean, at least half of them were covered with cats, or animals dressed up in Victorian outfits or as beachgoers or something. Is this really what people like? I mean I guess there's always the option of the black and white Paris pictures. They're beautiful, but how many years can you do black and white France before it gets a little boring? I checked out calendars.com when I got home and you want to know what the top three best-selling calendars are?

1) Mom's Plan-It
2) Dachshund Puppies
3) Thomas Kinkade Painter of Light

Man, I knew I should have bought the "Nuns Having Fun" calendar I saw when I was browsing shops in San Francisco. Maybe it's because everyone's organizers are on their PC's and PDA's...do you have a calendar? What's on it? Do you know where I can find something better? I'm tempted to just go with the freebies that come from the Sierra Club, or whatever, because at least I won't have to waste my money on boring.

Happy New Year!

2007-01-06T18:35:00.000-05:00

After a very relaxing trip home to California I am back home in Pennsylvania. It sometimes confuses me as to which I'm supposed to call home, but I've decided since they both are I'll just roll with it. It's kind of like my two dads. They are about as different as night and day and have played different roles in my life but they're both my dads and I love them both dearly if not for the same reasons. Ok, before I go too far off on this tangent, let's redirect. So I'm back home and as the holiday feeling winds down, I'm starting to look forward at 2007. I turn 24 in a couple weeks. I look at that and for some reason think I should start having my life figured out. For the record, I don't. And for this small moment, I'm ok with it. And I wonder if maybe it is, in fact, a clear picture of what my reality will be like. My plans have changed so drastically from those intended, that maybe it's not so much that things are less clear now, but that I'm realizing my most clearly laid plans are just as subject to God's tweaking as any. I CAN'T figure it all out. I can only seek His will, and repent of my many failings along the way.
While I'm not one to really go gung ho on new year's resolutions, I do appreciate the opportunity to reflect on where I've been and where I'm heading. I like fresh starts that come with tangible symbols of new beginnings- crisp notebooks, empty planners, cleaned out files and organized closets. A new chance at doing life better. I will study harder, sleep more, put more into my relationships, offer more justice, grace, mercy, love, hope....or at least that's what I hope and pray. I am filled with good intentions, a few of which I may actually achieve and many of which probably won't. But like all growth it must happen in steps. I went out to dinner last night with a group of friends and at one point we all shared were we where at this time last year. Somewhere completely different from where I am now that's for sure. Some of my desires, dreams, and struggles are the same, but many have changed. I have so much room for growth, but I guess that is life. If we are not seeking, struggling, growing, wondering aren't we just stagnating? I will never reach a state where I don't need Christ. I'm always going to kind of suck at this life thing. But the good news is, I'm never going a place where's he's not. Phew, huh?

Happy New Year Everyone! I wish you all the best in your endeavours!

'Tis The Season

2006-12-25T03:55:00.000-05:00

They say you're the most real version of yourself around your family. If that's the truth, then I'm even more need of Jesus than I already believe I am. I love Christmastime. I embrace the holiday spirit with childlike glee. But I swear, sometimes I think I come back to my parents home and it's like all the growth that has occurred in me over the past five years is out the window and I reverted back to behaviors I like least about myself. I become the teenage version of myself. Ok, maybe not quite, but on some levels yes. I don't give my family nearly anywhere close to the amount of grace and mercy I give everyone else. I let silly things bother me and find myself getting annoyed at them for their humanity. Why don't they just drop the annoying habits and character flaws and be perfect already?
Why is it that I do this? Lord knows I'm so far from perfect myself! So why is being home, while it has it's moments of wonderfulness, so difficult? I think a lot of it lies in my own expectations. I seem to have a very selective memory when it comes to my family. Some of the truth in the term "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is not just in that we miss people, but that we tend to (or at least I tend to) grasp onto the good things and let the conflicts, annoyances, disappointments, etc. be pushed out of my mind. So then I have this fairy tale picture of how great things always are in my mind. I have baskets full of those moments of wonderfulness and when I arrive home to remember that my family only resembles the Brady Bunch in our finest moments, it is suddenly becomes much more difficult. We hurt each other, we disappoint each other, and I often end up wondering where the Christmases of our childhood went. We try and balance the many people and places we're supposed to visit and and the excitement about seeing everyone is strained in the light that we can't possibly please everyone. And I'm learning that as a grown-up, holidays are hard. Still good, and still anticipated, but often a struggle.
All that said, I continue to love this holiday. There is nothing quite like hanging out with all of my brothers and sisters. The bunch grows larger every year and with it the laughter. Even though our humanity can get in the way at times, we really do love each other. Christmas is a celebration of the birth of One who can heal all hurts, One from whom grace and mercy overflows. I praise God that amidst the difficulties that the holiday brings, it more importantly brings Christ. Amidst all my own imperfections it brings my Redeemer. And I praise him that it will continue to be a time to be with my family. I am so thankful for this big, loud, wonderful messy collection of people that accepts and forgives me even when I probably don't deserve it. Lord help us love each other better.

Merry Christmas Everyone! May the Love, Peace, and Joy of the Lord fill you to overflowing this holiday season

Missing Pennsylvania

2006-12-23T01:12:00.000-05:00

There are so many things I love about being back in California. My family and friends top this list, but lots of little things fill it. I love that I went to the grocery store today to pick up a couple things and three strangers struck up conversations with me. Friendliness is pretty much to be expected around here. I love the open spaces, the view of the Sierras, the well-planned roads. I love that I can guesstimate how much traffic I will probably hit at any given time and usually be right.

But I miss Philadelphia. And not just the things that make it home like my friends, my church, my studies, my roommates, nor the things that make it beautiful like its history, architecture, diversity, culture, etc. I miss the "realities" of a city in dire need of help. Realities like poverty, crime, discrimination; things that remind me how much I need to be praying and working for the things Jesus was all about. I realize just how very much I want to be a part of positive change in this city in particular.

Thoughts about staying in the area after graduation started a couple months. It actually began with church. I would leave on Sundays so wanting to be a part of liberti's action in the city that I would think, "That's it, I'm staying here!" In the beginning the thoughts faded quickly, and by the time I drove home, my mind had moved on to other things. But then the ideas began to linger and move from fleeting thoughts, to possible plans. The after church ponderings lasted longer and local hospitals began to gain appeal. Was this something I could really consider? When I arrived in Pennsylvania, I had intended to leave as soon as I finish my program. The prayers began. As a girl who's started over numerous times within the last few years, moving has gained appeal. It's exciting. And I love excitement. But staying, for me that's harder. My generation is good at excitement...not nearly as good at commitment. But more and more my ideas about Colorado, Texas, and the Northwest, have been replaced with thoughts about CHOP, Fairmount, and building upon my new found relationships. When I met some lovely ladies on the liberti retreat with ideas similar to my own, I voiced some of my tentative thoughts about staying and excitement about the idea has only been growing since then.

All the while however, I've had this back up plan of elsewhere. I've had the "Philly would be great, but I guess I could always do ---- too." The "I'll interview around to keep my options open." But the truth is, I don't think I want to keep my options open. I am drawn to Philadelphia and it becomes shockingly apparent as I'm back here. I'm finally surrounded by all the things and people I've missed for so long and while I'm cherishing the moments, part of me can't wait to get back. I see friendliness here and I love it, but I find myself thinking, "Wow, there's quite a bit of smiles and friendliness here, Philadelphia definitely needs mine more." So yet again, Kalie's thoughts about her future do not equal God's thoughts...but I'm pretty excited with where He's taking me :)

Small Town Life

2006-12-21T17:35:00.000-05:00

Since I left for college almost 6 years ago, I alot of changes have taken place in El Dorado County, and really in Northern California in general. We are a classic picture of urban sprawl and I feel like an old lady with how much I catch myself saying things like, "I remember when none of these houses were here and it was nothing but grazing fields for miles." Houses, shops, and the other things that accompany residential development have filled the once empty countryside and while I know growth is a somewhat necessary evil, I find myself wondering how long the area I grew up in with continue to remain a string of rural towns. We are fast becoming more like Sacramento suburbs, and luxury ones at that. But for now, the small-town-ness still remains, at least on some level. I was reassured of this fact when, as usual, I was unable to make it through my first 24 hours back without running into someone I knew. Usually it happens with the first trip to the store, movies, or out to eat. Once I went to meet a friend for lunch after arriving back in town just that morning and the one other occupied table in the restaurant held a couple we knew from high school. Ah, home sweet home, we said. It drove us crazy when we lived here; anonymity is especially appreciated by high school students. But for a girl who has spent much of her last few years as the newcomer, there is comfort in coming back and knowing familiar faces are still around the places I once frequented. And yet, while it's still a place of comfort and rest, I feel somewhat like a stranger in this community. I can't really blame it on a few new houses or the fancy shopping centers. The truth is, for most here life has continued much as it's always been. It is I that has changed. My world has become a much bigger place than it was when I was growing up. And I'm realizing that it's both a blessing and a curse. I was never one of the ones dying to get out of this small town. I love the community. I love the family centeredness. I love the trees, and the backroads, and the lazy summer days. But I have grown to love the world beyond. I seek adventure, I like to be stretched, and my life has grown beyond this place of my childhood. The more I leave and come back, the more I recognize I'll probably never life in EDC again. But I also find, that I will always come back because even if it's not the place of my future, it will always be one of my most loved locales.

Another day in my charmed life

2006-12-20T19:57:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I made my cross-country trek back to California. Ever since I did my CA to PA roadtrip the day long plan trips seems so much more manageable. I'm surprised to say that I actually enjoyed the time I spent traveling yesterday. Weird. But then I think about what it was I did yesterday and it kind of makes more sense.
I...
1. Read an entire novel
2. Watched "Little Miss Sunshine"
3. Caught some old episodes of "The Office"
4. Listened to my favorite music
5. Ate ice cream and Chicago deep dish pizza
6. Had conversations with 5 people I didn't know
7. Did Soduku puzzles

I mean, really that makes a pretty fantastic day! Those are the types of things I felt mostly guilty doing for the last 7 months as I've been knee deep in nursing school. I have definitely had some fun during my time in PA, but usually lurking somewhere in the back of my mind is that thought that I should be studying or writing something or other. However, when spending the entire day in airports and on planes, there is little opportunity to do anything but read, watch movies, eat, listen to music and talk to people. So I let myself relax and enjoy it and it was wonderful.
Still, I have yet to mention what was by far the best part of my day. I recieved an unexpected gift from United Airlines. My second plane from Chicago to Sacramento was overbooked and they needed volunteers to take a later flight. Seeing that my schedule is about as relazed as it comes for the next coupe weeks, I offered to do so, and for hanging out a couple extra hours was rewarded an emergency exit row seat and I free round-trip ticket anywhere in the US... I'm sure this had NOTHING to do with why I was enjoying myself so much yesterday ;) !
When I woke up this morning, the blessings just seemed to continue. Firstly, I got up at 11:30...California time. I actually woke up before that, but in the beauty of vacation was able to snuggle back down in my flannel sheets and mess of blankets for a few more hours. When I finally got up, I came up the stairs where I was greeted with a roaring fire, a hug and my dad asking what I wanted for breakfast, "Waffles, pancakes, french toast?" Crepes! I sat down and my breakfast appeared in front of me, along with a steaming cup of coffee. I ate my delicious crepes, feeling somewhat like a princess and took my coffee with me to a lovely spot by the fire and Christmas tree, where I read and journaled for about an hour and a half. I then showered and my dad took me out to the movies. Pampered! I think if I ever find a guy like him, I'd marry him in about 5 seconds. It's good to be home:)

D-U-N Done!

2006-12-18T14:53:00.000-05:00

I'm having to make an effort not to walk around with a ridiculous smile on my face because I am just THAT excited to be done with finals. I think even my insides are probably smiling. Practically a month of freedom...I don't know if I can really even comprehend that. And I leave for California tomorrow. Sweet.

For the Record

2006-12-12T09:32:00.000-05:00

I slept for almost 12hrs last night. I was so exhausted that the studying just wasn't working so I went to bed around 8:30. For those of you who know me and my staying up late habits this is pretty amazing. I feel awesome. I just want to document that this actually happened because I hardly believe it myself. That's all.

One of my new faves

2006-12-11T18:34:00.000-05:00

So I am unofficially the most unproductive person on the planet. It's just that I simply cannot study anymore! So I'm banishing myself from the house for a bit and hoping that some motivated friends and a pumpkin spice latte will get me in the mood. I thought I would leave you with some procrastination material of your own though.

So Pat Robitaille has recently been added to the list of my favorite singer/songwriters. I found out about him from my friend Dave and immediately loved his stuff. His music is soulful and soothing and reminds me of being on the swings at Avila, or wading into the river in Coloma. I was pretty surprised to find out Pat's just a 20 year old kid from Canada and unfortunately he's only touring up there right now. I figure maybe if we give him some props down here we can spread the name and maybe he'll decide to set up some shows in the US. Check him out :)

Finals? What?

2006-12-10T22:16:00.000-05:00

So it has been a pretty fantastic weekend. Likely because I've totally been in denial that finals week is upon me. This afternoon reality began to set in, but at least I managed to squeeze in some festive fun first. It began yesterday with a Christmas Cookie Swap and luncheon I did with some of my favorite ladies. For the past couple of years my friends at home have hosted a cookie swap, and obligations and/or distance always seems to get in the way of my going. So I decided rather than be bummed about missing it again, I would throw one of my own! I usually need to throw at least one holiday part to fulfill my need for Christmas music, eggnog, and and holiday spirit and it seemed the perfect choice (though last year's ugly Christmas sweater party still holds a dear place in my heart). It turned out great! Ended up that the majority of the girls who came were not experienced bakers, but they rose to the challenge and arrived with an abundant array of delectable treats! I was so proud! We embraced our domestic-ness and girliness, and Charis decided after her first cookie-making experience that maybe she should open her own bakery. "I would wear old t-shirts, and have flour in my hair, and people could just come and eat and it would be a place they could just hang out. I would serve love, and justice, and baked things. And we'd be right next door to a florist, so there would be fresh flowers on all the tables, and the florist and I would trade flowers and treats. Wouldn't that be great?" I love it :)

Following a delightful afternoon, I headed over to Villanova for the game vs. Drexel. Can I just tell you how much I love going to college basketball games again? It was admittedly a somewhat painful game to watch, so I won't go into details except to say our defense was a little lacking and the refs were not the best in the world. Still, I have faith they'll step it up! It's kind of cool to get free tickets to games people are on 15 year long waiting lists for :)

Despite the greatness of Saturday, by far the highlight of the weekend was coming into covenant at my church liberti. Let me phrase that in normal people language: I joined my amazing church today! I am so stoked to be a part of this body of imperfect believers striving after the heart of Christ. They are what makes
me want to stay in this city. The fact that it was followed by a hug buffet of course was great too!

I've included pics from the cookie swap for your viewing pleasure!

My brain is full

2006-12-06T23:27:00.000-05:00

It seems like it's about time I throw a new post up here, but my brain is so packed with information about organ failure, transplants, AIDS, and neuro pathology that there isn't really any room for introspection about anything! And I'm pretty sure most of you aren't that interested in the necessary nursing interventions to take with a post kidney transplant patient:) I WILL say that despite the fact that I've spent the last couple days trying to cram as much into my head as possible and haven't slept a ton as a result, I can help but be in a fantastic mood because today was my last day EVER of Med/Surg Clinical! While I am super excited at the thought of becoming a nurse, God and tele floors have made it very clear that Med/Surg just isn't me. To take my uniform off knowing I won't be wearing it again for a month and a half only added to my joy. And when I do put in on, it will be to go work with the kiddies! Next semester brings Peds and OB. How exciting is that?! Answer: totally exciting...though probably not quite as exciting as the fact that in less than two weeks I'll be visiting my California loves!

Do you fit the bill?

2006-11-30T21:56:00.000-05:00

Ok, so if you know anything about the Emerging Church, and/or Calvinism check these posts out for a laugh. They're about a year old, but new to me and, I thought, worthy of sharing since I am still cracking up (and will admit they are pretty darn true)!

You Might Be Emerging If...

You're Probably Obsessing About Calvinism If...

Thanks for sharing Becka :)

Today I:

2006-11-29T22:22:00.000-05:00

Had an interview in a car
Ate a pomegranate that turned my mouth purple
Thought about how much people's feelings toward me affect my feelings toward them
Lost my glasses and couldn't find them because I didn't have my glasses
Had an 87 year old patient tell me I was old when I told her I was 23
Talked to the people in my elevator
Was asked how tall I was and if I play basketball 8 times
Ate dinner with a family
Had a missing package delivered to my house
Contemplated why we so often fail to love each other well

My Primetime Addiction

2006-11-28T16:16:00.000-05:00

I've never been one to plan life around television. I mostly find myself disillusioned with society when I see the stuff that counts as popular entertainment. Who's sleeping with who, cheating on who, buying what, degrading their spouse, disrespecting their parents, etc.... I don't get hooked on shows so intimately I talk about the characters like they are my best friends, or decline offers to hang out with real people for those living in the box. At least I didn't. And then came The Office. It's an addictive combination of painful awkwardness, romance, and hilarity that I just can't help but love it. I DO want to talk about what's going on between Jim and Pam, what unbelievably stupid thing Michael managed to say that had me cringing, the rivalry between Dwight and the new guy, and why it is that Roy is suddenly endearing. I DO try to figure out ways to be home Thursday nights, and find myself downloading episodes and searching youtube for them when I'm not. I think there's no denying it...I have become "hooked on a show."
And what's more, I want you to enjoy it as much as I do. Two of my roommates watch Survivor instead. I don't understand. I mean, The Office has Alliances PLUS Scranton, Dundies, and Bird Funerals. I do get that some of you might not have had the chance yet to fall in love with this American treasure (ok, maybe only half American since we stole it from Britain) which is why I'm offering you the opportunity to experience the awkwardness that has us loyal followers starry eyed. Dinner and seasons 1 and 2. My house. Friday. Level of experience required: none! Faithful viewers welcome. Ok, so most of you reading this are probably not in PA, but if you want to check it out, I'll bring my dvd's home at Christmas and catch you up :)

Overwhelmed by Love

2006-11-22T14:04:00.000-05:00

Today I have spent much of the day feeling overwhelmed by love. Thanksgiving is tomorrow and my family is far away. Like most hospital employees, I'm required to work Thanksgiving or Christmas. I volunteered for Turkey Day and thus, from 2:45-11:15 pm tomorrow, will be serving the lovely folks at Bryn Mawr Rehab Hospital. Yet, the number of Thanksgiving invitations I have received has been astounding. Some from people who know I'm not heading back to California, others just making sure if I'm in the area I have a place. Some from friends I know well, others from people I've barely met. Some to be with families here in PA, others to travel out of state. Unbelievable. Then, when I've shared with my inviters the news that I have to work, come the follow-up invitations to join families the night before, or come by afterward for leftovers. I am touched. I praise God for all the blessings in my life, but at this moment I am brimming with thanks for the wonderful people he has placed in it. When I moved out to Philadelphia last May, part of me wondered if I was making the right call. I arrived alone, unsure of why I still felt so called to the area when what I thought was one of my main motivations no longer existed. However, since the moment I unpacked my few belongings into an empty apartment room, I have had few doubts that this is exactly where I belong....maybe not forever, but for now. I came here for reasons far bigger than my own and fit into a plan far grander than my life. Things have not happened in the ways I would have thought, but they have happened in extraordinary ways. I have entered into new families amongst my church, my classmates, and my roommates. And my heart is full. I have been all over the world these past few years, and yet the love of God continues to surround me. To my friends and family in far away places, California, Europe, South America, and to those close by, thank you for the million ways you bless my life! My God bless you fully! Happy Thanksgiving.

Some Funny Pics

2006-11-18T22:39:00.000-05:00

So in addition to being a full time super mom to four of the most beautiful kids I've ever seen, my friend Julie also does some pretty excellent photography. Here are the latest photos she sent me of her youngest, Luke. They were so great I had to share!Click on the pics for a better view

The attraction of FREE

2006-11-18T11:06:00.000-05:00

Why is it no matter how much money you make, no matter where you come from, FREE is so irresistible? I got back last night from a two day trip to Harrisburg for a student nurse convention. We left at, no, before the crack of dawn Thursday morning and made our to the lovely capital of PA. Through the course of the convention we talked about our future involvement in the medical field, heard motivational speakers, and addressed the formal business of resolutions and elections. But the part of the convention that really got everyone excited was talking to recruiters and collecting free stuff. We came home with bags of chapsticks, pens, hand sanitizers, blankets, alarm clocks, key chains, calculators, water bottles, etc. Now lately I've really been working on simplifying my life. I realize I'm much happier without quite so much STUFF. But this weekend I failed miserably. I accumulated. And while I'm pretty stoked to have a new stock of pens and think the keychain hand sanitizers and chapsticks are pretty cool, I definitely came home stuff I'll probably never use and surely don't need simply because I didn't have to pay for it. Shall I show you my loot? Kind of ridiculous huh? In addition to my collecting, it was nice to talk to recruiters and hospital reps. Admittedly it was a bit overwhelming since a simple smile had them trying to sell me on why I should come work for their hospital. How insane to go from graduating with no clue what job my degree even worked for to having employers selling themselves to me. Still, it's a role reversal I'll gladly take.

The Right to Die

2006-11-15T14:15:00.000-05:00

We are blessed in a country that has some really superb medical care. Our ability to save lives is quite astounding. But I wonder lately if we have forgotten that along with a right to live comes a right to die. When does our ability to "save lives" become something more harmful than helpful? Between my clinical rotations in the ICU and my work at a rehab hospital, I've been thinking a lot about dignity in life and death as of late. Today I took care of a patient in the ICU who had her wishes to be allowed to die denied. She had DNR (do not resuscitate) orders on her chart, but when it came time to make the call whether or not to intubate her, her wished were overruled by her family. And it only takes a few minutes in that room to feel your heart break for her. Because of the tubes in her mouth and nose leading to her stomach and lungs it is impossible to talk to her, but one look in her face and you know what she wants. She is totally with it, oriented, and still she has no say in what is happening to her. Tubes, wires, and fluids are entering and exiting her body from all sides, a ventilator is breathing for her and modern medicine looks anything but heroic to me. As I walked up to the side of her bed, she tapped her hand on the rail and I reach my own down to cover hers. She gripped it tightly, as if holding on for dear life, silently screaming for help. Her expression was pained as she shook her head. And I can't help but wonder how things like this happen. The whole point of advanced directives are that people can determine what kind of heroics they do and don't want and can make the decision to die naturally. But fears of lawsuits, and family members who can't let go keep medical providers from truly keeping the Hippocratic oath to "do no harm."
I'm learning that it is often more heroic to let someone go than to try and save them. When life has lost it's quality and there is no longer any goodness and dignity why do we continue to prolong the inevitable? And when does medicine move from using the gifts God has given us to playing God? However did man gain the ability to not just to decide when to take live, but also when to give it? I've always known, or at least for some time now that I wouldn't want to be kept alive when my quality of life has deteriorated to the point where everything that makes me ME has gone away.
Yet as much as these circumstances bother me, I also feel I must recognize that saving or ending lives is not nearly as cut and dry as I once thought. And it brings me to questions like, "How do we quantify life?", "What is the greatest good we can do?", "What would I be willing to put upon my family and what would I undertake if it was one of them?", "Is there a reason to be alive if one can no longer LIVE life?"
I don't have the answers. I am finding that my views of death are changing though. It is always sad, especially for those left behind, but I recognize that it is a natural event, a necessary part of life...and that for many the right choice.

HIV/AIDS in Africa

2006-11-14T10:57:00.000-05:00

I want to encourage everyone to come learn more about the AIDS/HIV epidemic in Africa tomorrow. United Nations Secretary General Stephen Lewis will be speaking at a public forum on the Villanova campus and it's bound to be a thought provoking and informative event. The evening is free and open to the public. Let's recognize ourselves as citizens of this world, not just this nation and open our eyes to this tragedy ravaging an entire continent. I think the vastness of the problems in Africa-disease, famine, and war-can be somewhat overwhelming, making us want to keep our distance, but the first steps toward change come with a recognition of a need for such. Hope to see you all there and if you have any questions, or want to come with me let me know :)

10 Ways I Know I'm a Nursing Student

2006-11-11T19:15:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking lately about how subcultures can become as much a part of us as we become of them. Sometimes consciously, but more often not, I find myself adapting the ways I speak, think, and act to the subculture I am immersed in. The extent to which this happens varies, but it's always interesting to step back and see the ways I have been changed. My most recent cultural immersion has been into the world of of a Villanova nursing student. Here are a few of the things that have made me aware I have fully embraced this role:

I am fully comfortable talking about whatever bodily function you want to throw at me (and likely have already had to clean it up)
I can't help but assess the gait of people walking in front of me and mentally note anything outside of normal limits.
I ask people to tell me about their feelings and will often tell you about my own on a scale of 1 to 10.
I think of Villanova as one very old building (St. Mary's---where all of my classes are) and forget that it's actually a large, beautiful campus
I speak in nursing diagnoses: " blah blah blah related to dooby doo as evidenced by this, that and the other thing"
Every time I go to the bathroom I have a moment of appreciation that I get to do it by myself and no one needs to come in to measure it.
I was really excited when my roommate had surgery and asked for my help in assessing her drainage and swelling....on her butt (and by the fact that she unabashedly asked me to do this can you tell she's a nursing student!?!)
I think it's fun to give shots
I wear ugly white shoes because they're comfortable
Every time I stand up too fast and get lightheaded (which usually happens at least once a day) all of my friends yell, "ORTHOSTATIC HYPOTENSION!!

Grace and Strength

2006-11-06T15:17:00.000-05:00

And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Lately I'm finding a lot of peace in just how screwed up I am. I spend so much of my life trying to be my own Savior; trying to prove my righteousness to man, carrying the weight of all of my failings on my shoulders. I think I'm in charge of making my life good and if I don't make things happen, no one will. I let myself get sucked into the lie that God's plan for me might not be enough. And in it I underestimate my sin and in doing so give God credit for very little. But lately, I've really began to see anew and maybe even on a whole new level how incredibly huge my sin really is and with that have been able to recognize how much bigger than that even is God's grace. I am preaching the Gospel to myself again and am standing in awe of my King. I am broken. And it makes my heart burst with joy. His strength has come in my weakness and in admitting I'm in pieces, not at all together the love I feel is overflowing. Funny that it's such an epiphany to remember I'm not the center of the universe :)
So what's all this coming from? I just got back from liberti's in-covenant retreat this past weekend. I don't think I've really blogged about liberti, which is somewhat shocking considering the incredible blessing it has been in my life during my time here in Pennsylvania. I originally attended because it was close to where I was picking up the bed I found on craigslist for $50 (probably the most comfortable $50 purchase ever, thank you couple moving to Arizona). It's in the city, so a big part of me wanted to not want to go there. But I don't think I've ever felt so drawn to be part of a community. The heart of the church seems to match the desires my own heart seeks to live out Gods love and the pull to be a part of what they are doing is enough to make me want to stay in Philadelphia. So the retreat this past weekend was for people looking to find out more about the church to to determine if they are going to join....yes, much cooler than the traditional church membership classes. About 30 of us went up to the Poconos where we not only learned about liberti, but about each other, attempting to share ourselves in real ways. My pastor Geoff urged us to share our "spiritual journeys" and what brought us where we are today rather than just sharing what we do and "the lies we like to tell about ourselves." I don't think of myself as a liar very often. Truth be told I'm pretty crappy at lying. But I was made aware of how often I only present parts of my story, my life, the feelings behind my circumstances in a way that makes me look good...or at least better than I really am. I'll give the parts of me that I think are easy to deal with and hold back the rest. I feel like I'm having to retrain myself to offer people the broken me. The one so in need of grace. And at times it strikes fear into my heart. But the sense of liberation from the feeling that somehow I'm going to be found out, the loving grace that is shown, and the realization that my brothers and sisters are just as broken as me, well, it's showing me how very worth it it is. It's late and I have an exam tomorrow, and I'm not even sure if this is making sense anymore so I think that means it's time for sleep. Goodnight.

Swirling leaves and breathlessness

2006-11-02T19:56:00.000-05:00

The colors have become so amazing around here that as I was driving to class today the sight literally took my breath away. It's been awhile since I've had that happen. Been so taken in by the beauty surrounding me that I felt breathless. Usually that's just my crappy asthma/allergy combo making me feel that way. But Fall has fallen and it in incredible. It is an area in which Pennsylvania far surpasses California. The air has become crisp and cool, wind swirls the leaves up around my feet and blows my hair back, and I find myself fighting the urge to find a rake and make piles to jump into. The trees around me reach beyond brown and golds to striking crimsons, scarlets, mustards and ambers. And yet, while the world is so alive with color, there seems to be a tinge of sadness in the air because everyone knows that those beautiful leaves will soon be on the ground and winter will be here. But for now it is just gorgeous and fresh and I am loving it. And I'm sure when there are snowy blankets covering eveything I'll be loving that too. To think this is all merely a glimpse of God's beauty!

Random

2006-11-01T17:13:00.000-05:00

I don't really feel like writing anything, I just want to list some thoughts.
I like...
Sitting on high places and swinging my feet.
Drinking through straws
Laughs that are so great you can't help but smile
Anything in a bread bowl
Friends that get me
Being broken and feeling like God is right there beside me
Being warmed by the sun
Realizing I could really be happy almost anywhere
Songs that bring overwhelming emotion

I wonder...
at how the world can be so huge and so small at the same time
how much coincidences are just that
when it becomes overanalyzing
at how much God loves us
at how quickly I forget to love others
why we would rather stay in unhealthy patterns that we know than try better ones that are unknown
if I really want life to make sense

God is holding me close these days. Life feels like a big question mark, but his peace surrounds me. In him I find rest. And it's good.

Happy Halloween!!

2006-10-31T21:56:00.000-05:00

So the past couple years I admittedly haven't been super stoked about dressing up for Halloween. But try as I might to NOT do it, I just can't! It feels so incredibly unspirited of me and so against my very nature not to put on a costume when I'm told they are optional. I always end up enjoying the dressing up, but it's finding motivation to get creative that is the struggle. If I'm not inspired, it just seems blah. So I ran through the last minute options in my head, trying to figure out what I could do without buying anything. My brother suggested being cereal or snack crackers, but even that required a grocery store trip. While I was pulling my clothes out of the dryer this morning, I thought, "Maybe I'll be laundry?" I ended up going with "Static Cling." It was great. I got to wear my sweats (plus the socks, underwear, and dryer sheets I pinned all over them), my hair was SUPPOSED to be messy, it was free, and nobody else showed up as the same thing. Stay tuned for tomorrow night when I'll be dressed up as "Procrastinator Girl" frantically studying pharmacology. Oh well :)

Congratulations Leigh and Matt!

2006-10-30T00:56:00.000-05:00

This quick blog is dedicated to the delightful Leigh Lingnofski. My lovely roommate Leigh got engaged this past weekend! In reality we haven't been roommates for over a year and a half now, but once you've earned the title, you never lose it. Congratulations Leigh and Matt! May God bless you bunches!!!

Mechanics

2006-10-25T16:45:00.000-04:00

My car broke down this past Saturday. It was one of those mornings that seemed bad to begin with then just got worse. I was supposed to be at work at 6:30, but thanks to my alarm clock setting incompetence and the fact that I was going on a total of about 10 hours of sleep for the previous three days I didn't wake up until 7:15. It always a horrible thing to be an hour and a half late for work, but infinitely worse when I'm still in the training orientation period. I fought back the tears and tried to calm my irrational fears of being fired on the spot after being deemed a totally useless employee. I was out of the house in five minutes flat, pulling back my hair in the car and trying to appear less like I had just jumped out of bed. I called staffing and explained my situation. Thankfully they were very understanding and even apologetic for not calling since apparently my name hadn't been listed on the schedule. So I continued on, eyeing the clock as I drove. As I turned onto the highway, I pushed my foot down to accelerate....and pushed down some more....all the way to the floor. I mixed out at 40, then horrified watched my speed slowly begin to drop. "Please God, not now," I screamed internally. I pulled into the slow lane and began praying I would make it to the exit in time. By God' s grace I did, cruising down the highway at a lovely 20 mph, praising the Lord everyone else appeared to be sleeping in and the usually busy road was mostly empty. But to realize I was not only late, but was going to have to call out on my third day on the floor was somewhat traumatizing and the tears I had been holding back came. (remember to account for the no sleep factor here). I gathered myself back up, figured out towing and ended up having a pretty restful afternoon. Life happens I guess.
So anyway, all of this was to bring me up to my current point. My intense dislike for taking my car to the shop. Doctor's office? Sure. Dentist? No problem. Mechanic? NOOOOOO!!!! There is no where else in life where I feel so likely to be screwed. I am an assertive, confident, and educated individual, but put me in the realm of auto mechanics and I feel like I might as well walk in and say "Hi, feel free to try and rip me off, Im sure you can." And this ignorance frustrates me more than I can describe. I'm sure my pride is a part of it, but I like being an educated consumer and in this world I just don't have the knowledge, or diagnostic equipment to do that. I try to use the situation to recognize what it must be like for individuals when are uneducated to deal with many of the situations I approach with confidence and ease....but mostly I just hate it. The mechanic wants to charge me a 1000 bucks to fix my car. I wish my dads were here. The little to work or the big one to bargain. However, as that's not about to happen, I instead recruited a male friend to come with me to counteract my femaleness, and hopefully bringing a little more respect and some price reduction. When we went to the shop I fought my urge to be sweet and apologetic, really not even smiling (of you know me the not smiling is BIG) trying to act tough and confident. I think I did I decent job standing my ground, but I'm not sure how much good it did... at least the guy said he would talk to my original mechanic and see if they could work anything out (oh yeah, I actually found one I don't feel like is trying to screw me and they sent me elsewhere... awww man!). So now I'm waiting. And for the future, anyone living in the greater Philadelphia area want to be my handy friend?

Because pictures are FUN!

2006-10-24T18:19:00.000-04:00

So I thought I'd give you a few Fall Break pics since I know some of your aren't that into reading...it makes it more like a picture book. It's me and the padres in PA and DC...pretty self-explanatory! Ok, I better do some real work. Ciao.

Possibilities

2006-10-24T16:44:00.000-04:00

I often find myself in wonder when I look at individuals that have spent their entire lives within a 20 mile radius of where they were born. I know back in the day there weren't always a lot of options as far as travel was concerned and spending one's life in the same place was pretty much the only way to survive. And for many today, families, jobs, and a million other things make up and going hard. But to the young and unattached, in a world where plane tickets are cheap, access is easy, and possibilities seem endless I wonder how so many never go explore it. Even more shocking to my wanderlust soul is that they don't have the DESIRE to! I know my view is biased and everyone was not made with the same desires as me. I sometimes wonder why I'm so obsessed with the next adventure and I think it is partly due to the fact that I haven't found my place yet. I've been able to visit a number of great locations, but I want the one where I sink in and feel like it is where I'm meant to be. I think I adapt pretty well to my new locales, but I'm always looking forward...Where to next? And I wonder if I'll always be this way. Is it because we were made for a world beyond this one that is doesn't feel quite like my home? Or because I haven't found that person that makes it home? Or maybe just because I thrive on adventure and challenge, the new and exciting. Likely some combination of all three.
What I do know is that it makes me both love and be totally overwhelmed at the thought of becoming a nurse. One of my favorite ways to procrastinate as of late is to look at pediatric grad nurse programs across the country. And I'm realizing even more now than when I first began that I can work anywhere. That is mind boggling. How do I even begin? It it thrilling. I can begin anywhere. Anybody have any suggestions? (Mom, I know, UCDavis)

On a more concrete note, I'm back in school after Fall Break and life is good. I made it through classroom training and onto the floor at my new job and am fascinated by the traumatic brain injury patients I'm working with. Rehab is proving to be an entirely different world from acute care, with lots of independence promoting activities and the opportunity to see patient's condition improve rather than digress. My psych nursing skills are coming in handy and my biggest challenge so far seems to be in remaining serious when patients respond in very silly ways. At the same time, it pulls on my heart strings to see patients that have had their lives changed in an instant. Twenty-somethings that will never again have their eyes shine and smiles flash like they do in the photographs that adorn their walls. This past Friday, I was feeling the weight of loss, anger at the injustice after reading the chart of a young college student who had gone into cardiac arrest while playing a pick up game with friends. Seeing such young potential snatched, I found myself asking, "How does it happen God?" I didn't get my answer, but I did get my reminder that God was there. Fifteen or so students, friends of the patient came through the door. They had taken their fall break to fly across the country to visit their friend. They gathered around the bed with love, laughter, and compassion. Then they took turns visiting personally while the rest went into the therapy room, one with a guitar in hand, to sing songs of praise to our God. And He was near. In another room I found a family praying. And He was near. And we bathed a patient that night with Jesus tatooed on his arm. And He was near. And the sadness subsided, when I remembered yet again that there is a world beyond this one in which we live.

Orientations

2006-10-09T17:51:00.000-04:00

Today was my first day of my new job. Well, really let's rephrase that. Today was my first day of orientation for my new job. Day-long classroom-based hospital orientations are pretty much torture for girls who can't sit still. Eight hours of lecture classes are rough, but at least there is some valuable information in there, or at the minimum stuff you know you'll be tested on later. But hospital orientations, like many job orientations I'm sure, only give you tests with the kinds of questions you could answer without any real knowledge. You know, questions like:
If you are getting ready to cross the street at a crosswalk and see a car speeding toward you, you should:
a) continue crossing since you are a pedestrian and have the right of way
b) stop and wait for the car to pass
c) send the largest person out first so the car will stop to avoid body damage
d) both a&c

And if by some chance the question is actually going to require some thought, don't worry because it most assuredly will be discussed and worked through as a group. So what do I do? I squirm and change positions about a million times, I try and find things to take notes about just so there's something to do, I doodle, and I daydream my way on out.... but today I was in orientation with just myself and ONE other person! Daydreaming and doodling are out the window. Sigh.
I'm trying to keep with my usual positive outlook and remember that there are only 2 more days of this (ok, so that's a lie, there are 4, but only 2 more this week) then I get to do a great job. The place I'm working at is a rehab hospital and the facilities are amazing. On top of all the typical hospital stuff they have huge training gyms, a greenhouse where patients can go plant flowers and do projects, aquatics, hair dressers, and all kinds of environments and devices to help people regain and/or relearn skills. The staff are friendly, the environment soothing and while I might not learn tons in orientation, I certainly will on the floor. Yeah, it's gonna be good :)

Friendliness :)

2006-10-08T20:40:00.000-04:00

I wonder a lot lately about the loneliness of our world. In some ways we have the ability to be closer to the people in our lives than ever before, but I think in a lot of ways we are more disconnected than ever from the people around us. I notice this a lot on campus. Students are no longer capable of walking around by themselves, even just from class to class without pulling out their cell phones. It's like we're almost afraid to just walk by ourselves. And I think it's really becoming detrimental because no one strikes up conversations with strangers anymore. With college kids I think this is huge because rather than get connected to the people physically in their lives, they continue to invest all their time in their old friends and family, making their current surroundings a pretty lonely place. I know not everyone is super outgoing like me, but I think a lot of the time we avert our eyes and pretend we don't see people because we're afraid how people will react if we reach into their world with a greeting. That or we're just too into our own lives to take the step to make a connection with someone else. Admittedly, the East Coast can be a much tougher place to be friendly than the West was. It's just not "normal" to smile and wave at people you pass by. But tonight I decided I wanted to reach beyond it and see what would happen if I really made the effort to greet the people I passed. Now me saying hi to passersby really isn't something new, but this time I made it a challenge. I was going for a walk with my parents (who are out visiting for my fall break) at Valley Forge and I decided to keep track of how many people I could get to say hi to me. In the 5 mile loop we made around the park I managed to get 33 people to say hi and a few more to smile. That's about 95% of the people that responded verbally and of those who couldn't muster up the words I think all but 1 smiled. How great is that?! And after the first couple, my greetings got more confident, my smile easier, and it was just....nice. People want to be reached, to be recognized. And we hold back because we think someone might think we're crazy, that they might be caught up in their own thoughts, that they might take it the wrong way. And really, someone probably will think that. But really most of them will be glad. Through simple gestures we can touch people in a way they may be dying for. When we were finishing our walk it was getting dark and almost no one was left on the trail. But we were running up alongside a road and a girl stuck her head out the window and yelled hello to ME (or more accurately to US) into the wind. And it was my turn to smile. :)

Ethiopian Food

2006-09-20T22:14:00.000-04:00

Tonight was my first experience in Ethiopian cuisine. I've been wanting ot go for a long time for two reasons:
1) You get to eat with your hands
2) It's served on communal platters

We've been doing a series on community at church lately, so when we were discussing options for a social night, it seemsed like the perfect call. And it turned out to be a blast! Our home groups are done by location and an Ethiopian restuarant was half a block down from where we usually meet. I'm a little bit sad because tonight was my last night meeting in West Philly since I've moved and it is no longer the closest to me. That group has been such a huge blessing in my life since moving out here, and we have grown especially close in the last month or so. A few other girls are moving as well, so it was a night of farewell's for more than just me. I say this like we're moving across country, but we'll still be seeing each other every Sunday and hopefully hanging out on top of that :)! Tonight we laughed and chatted, shared the good and bad going on in our lives and ate lamb, chicken, beef, and veggies with our spongy bread and our hands. Good times.

Pain and Escape

2006-09-19T13:57:00.000-04:00

Today I am in a quiet mood. Not something that happens very often. We've been talking about substance abuse in all my classes today and it's put my in a thinking mode. We watched a movie in psych called "When a Man Loves a Woman." Have you seen it? It's such a real, heart-wrenching story about alcoholism and what it does to families...but also a story about screwed up people who really love each other. I find my heart aching for all those people who need to dull their minds and hearts to escape from reality. I wonder about the fairness of life that mine has been so good. So much potential for dysfunction, and yet I was protected from most of it. Of course there have been heartaches and times I wished I was elsewhere, but to be afraid to live life fully aware, I can't really imagine. I want to pull those people close and tell them that they are loved, that there is peace, that life doesn't have to be so hard all the time. But I know that is naive. You can't make people change anymore than you can change the weather. I'm in my psych rotation for clinical right now and sometimes when I find myself listening to patients stories I wonder if I would have ended up in the same places they did. I'd love to say no, I'm stronger than that, but given the same life they have lived, who knows. Now I'm not excusing the behavior, far from it, but I guess it just seems more understandable that it occurs. I think about how God's heart must be breaking for his lost children. I guess what comes along with the gift of love and compassion means that you have to deal with the heartache that others endure. I find myself on the verge of tears just thinking about all the suffering in the world (yes, I'm the little girl who cried when I saw the homeless guys with signs). And yet I know I was made this way for a reason. Life is hard, but God is here and we are his hands and feet. I pray will all my heart I will never become hardened to it all.

My blog vacation

2006-09-18T20:27:00.000-04:00

So I started this blog to let people know what I was doing in Peru and just sort of continued it as I left South America and headed across the US for school. While sharing the news of my life was the initial intent, it soon became kind of a therapeutic thing for me, to get my thoughts, deep and not so deep down on paper. Then the second half of my summer came on strong and my neighbor, who's internet connection that I conveniently "borrowed," moved away and I inadvertently took a little blog vacation. You know I sometimes wonder who would want to read the random thoughts and occurrences that are my life, but during the month or so that I've not been writing, I keep having people asking me when I'm going to post already. So here I am! Back with my little life for your pleasure. I could try and recap all the you've missed, but I think I'll just pic up where we are now. I moved this weekend into a new place with my friends Melanie, Meg, and Donna. And I'm LOVING it. I get to cook for people, and hug them whenever I want. Which basically means my Kallie needs are met :) I'm closer to school, to friends, and I feel like my whole self is just relaxed and happier. Then again, that might also have to do with the fact that the weather has gotten gorgeous. Fall is creeping in and I love it. We've had an amazing combination of rainy days that make me want to snuggle up with blankets books and movies and beautiful sunny, weather that makes me want to run outside. I can hardly wait for the colors to turn here. There will be some major picture taking for sure. Ok, well this is random and not super exciting, so I'm going to say goodbye for now, but hello to all, I'm back. And if you're one of those who's been wondering where I've been, post some comments already and I'll keep in touch!

Pics as promised!

2006-08-23T21:46:00.000-04:00

So here is the visual record of some of the adventures from when my sister was visiting.

It's been awhile!

2006-08-23T21:05:00.000-04:00

So life has run away with me and I haven't been on the blog scene for almost two weeks now. Huh, well I'm back in school, back among those getting a full night's sleep, and there is even a glimmer of hope that I might be able to do some things outside of school this semester. Summer classes ended well and I thoroughly enjoyed my week and a day off before getting back on campus today. Turns out there are more than just 38 people that go to Villanova. It seemed like we had the whole place to ourselves over the summer, so it was kinda crazy to see a campus alive with activity. The undergrad$ were running around with their Gucci, Burberry, and Coach handbags and I'm realizing how Villanova gets away with charging so much. It was kind of fun to watch all the freshman seeking out their classes, remembering the exciting feeling of being on my own for the first time and also realizing I'm glad I'm where I'm at in life. After sitting through 8hr lecture days all summer, our 2 1/2 hr clinical overview seemed gloriously short. I guess it'a all a matter of perspective since my 90 minute classes used to seem painfully long.
So my sister cam out to visit me on my break and we had a great combo of relaxing and outing filled days. I'll post some pics, of our adventures to spice this place up a little bit. We had a great time hanging out and playing tourists.
So I've decided I'm going on a bit of a spending diet. Not that I've been spending tons since I got out here but I think I'm going to simplify even more and avoid extra treats until I find some employment. It's actually kind of fun. Is it weird that I sort of like being poor? Of course there is the occasional anxiety, especially with all the big checks for school, insurance, and 100+ degree air conditioning that I've been writing lately, but there is a lot of pleasure in living simply. Yeah, it probably a good thing, since I also like working with poor people and as a result don't expect to make a ton. There's a special about Operation Smile on tonight, and it just makes me feel so inspired. The organization sends medical staff all over the world to operate on children with facial deformities. So Cool! I'm not quite sure where exactly I'll end up nursing, but I just dig that I'm going into a career where I can spend my whole life helping people.

Movie moments...or maybe not :)

2006-08-10T21:51:00.000-04:00

So I'm wondering if I'll ever get used to this Pennsylvania weather. It seems like we're in a constant state of influx with humidty coming and going and the heat raising and receding. This morning was one of the best rides to work I've had thus far. The air was cool and clean, the sky blue. A great day to be riding my bike. But in typical PA fashion the weather changed and by 2:30 when it was time to leave the skies had turned gray and it had begun to rain. It was still warm out and not coming down very hard, so I decided to bike home anyway, turning down the ride offers made by friends. I got on my bike and pedaled out and found myself really enjoying the cool rain on my face, enough to make the humidity bearable. I was getting a little wet, but seeing that I was just going home, it didn't matter. I was having a Singing in the Rain moment. The world was good, I was carefree. And then the skies unleashed and I was in the middle of flash flood-style rain. It was coming down so hard I was instantly drenched, with water dripping in my eyes so fast I could barely see. I found myself laughing out loud at how incredibly unromantic and un-fairy-tale-like my ride had suddenly become. People in their cars looked at me like I was crazy, my shoes were beginning to squish and I was praying the papers in my bag and the MP3 player in my pocket would survive until I got home. Well, the electronics survived, but the papers looked like they'd been through the wash. Oh well, thank goodness I didn't have to write up a care plan this week! I stripped off my clothes in my entryway, confining the puddle action to one area of my house and took them staight to the washer. So I made it. And I'm pretty sure I'm gonna drive tomorrow :-)

A break from the heat

2006-08-05T14:57:00.000-04:00

Last night I went out for a drink with some girlfriends and as we left to head home, the night air actually felt good. It was such a refreshing feeling to actually enjoy being outside after the incredibly oppressive heat wave that's been hitting this area. With my roommate, the lover of AC gone for a few days I took the liberty to shut off the air and throw open all the windows. And I slept like a baby with my fan blowing in the cool night air. Ahh, respite! I then had the pleasure of sleeping in til I woke at 9 (AWESOME for a girl who has had 6:45 clinicals). When I realized it was still nice out in the morning, I threw on some workout clothes and went for a jog, OUTSIDE! I don't really think I can emphasize just how great it was to actually hang out outside without wanting to die. I think my favorite thing about great weather, even greater than having a lower energy bill or an excuse to put off studying, is that it just seems to make everyone friendlier. This morning I got hellos, smiles, waves, and even a little casual conversation from the others enjoying the beautiful morning. Maybe that's why Californians are so friendly; an abundance of good weather.
It's afternoon now and it has heated up a bit outside, but the humidity has resided for now at least, so I'm still a happy camper. Maybe the good feeling will remain through my study session...let's hope!

Busyness and Peace

2006-08-02T15:32:00.000-04:00

My friend Becka came to visit me this past weekend. It is her first trip back to the US after living in Chile for the past year. And I think it was God's way of forcing me into taking a full day off from any sort of school work. If I thought school was my life when I first got here, it has become even more so! But I think I'm over the toughest part and should be heading somewhat downhill from now on...trying to stay the optimist:) Because I hate to talk about school as if it were some sort of torture or something. I really love what I'm studying, it's just the sheer quantity of it with no time for rest that has made me, like everyone else in my class, feel so burned out. But this Saturday was a wonderful break! Becka got into town on Friday night and after waiting at two different bus stations on the same street for an hour and a half, we found each other :) It was amazing to realize it had been my first trip into center city Philadelphia since I arrived in May! However did that happen? I got to church in Philly, but that's near the Art Museum, right on the outskirts of the city ( as evidenced by the fact that I don't have to pay for parking). We spent the day doing touristy things, walking around, eating cheesesteaks, taking a carriage ride throught the old city, basically being tourists and catching up after a year apart (except this time in both Spanish and English!). Playing tourist reminded me that this city really is amazing and I'm so glad it's where I ended up.
Everyday I discover more and more things that reassure me it's where I belong for the time being. I kind of wondered before I arrived what it would be like and if I was making the right decision going to the other side of the country, and the same city where my ex lives just for nursing school. While he wasn't the only reason I was looking into Philly, it was a hugely influential factor at the beginning...but I think it was in the plan for me to get out here and the means God uses to accomplish his will rarely make sense to me. I actually talked to Mike for the first time since I've been out here just a few days ago. And admittedly, I was taken aback that I could enjoy talking to him without being overwhelmed by any feelings, good or bad. I think we might actually be friends. Funny that it happened just a bit of time after I became absolutely certain that wasn't a possibility for us.
In so many areas of my life, I think I'm tired of asking why, what if, and dwelling in the past or thinking tons about the future. I feel like lately, I'm too tired to do anything but trust God. Things have worked out for His glory and my good thus far, so I'm just trying to dwell in his promises and laugh liberally at the weirdness that is often my life. We read this psalm last night and home group and it brought peace to my soul. I don't need all the why's, I just need
Him.

Psalm 131
My heart is not proud, O Lord,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.
O Israel, put your hope in the Lord
both now and forevermore.

Awe, rest, peace, and trust...Amen to that.

School stress and exciting life-changing and somewhat exhausting thoughts

2006-07-25T19:37:00.000-04:00

School is hard right now. I haven't slept much lately and it's pretty much all I do. The countdown to the end of summer session and the end of nursing school boot camp has begun. I've been in a bit of a funk lately, surely related to my constantly stressed out state and lack of sleep and I am fighting to regain the positive attitude that is my usual state. Today is much better than yesterday and yesterday that the day before so I thing we're on a good path as far as that's concerned.
But really, even though school is my life right now and sucking away all of my energy, my mind seems to have something of its own going on and my thoughts just never seem to stop. I can't even seem to turn it off when I lay down at night, which isn't something common for me. I am usually out at horizantal. It's like I'm on the edge of something great, some big realization about my life and my purpose but I'm not quite there yet. I'm fighting with all of these ethical debates lately in my head and trying not to get disgusted with America and the way we spend our time and our money. I feel like the needs of the downtrodden, here and around the world are overwhelming me and all I see is Americans throwing there money away on status symbols, toys, and other things of the material nature that they just don't need. I grew up the 'princess' in my family, but over the course of the last few months I've realized luxury is rarely worth the cost. I can't pinpoint exactly where it all began because it seems like all of the many things I've seen, experienced, read in the last few months are guiding me to a totally different kind of existence. I like being poor. I like being with other poor people. I have a friend who lives in a town outside of Philly that's considered pretty ghetto. Essentially, it's poorer, more dangerous, more diverse. But I go there and I feel like it's so much more real than the plastic smile feeling of new track housing developments. Poeple are suffering in both areas, from very different problems, but I love the genuity that having to rely on other people brings and I guess I feel like suburbia has isolated so many of us from our neighbors. I want community. And I'll take the good with the bad, the danger with the chance to really become involved in lives and make ugly places beautiful, the poverty with the richness that comes from knowing I'm really living like Jesus. I used to think that really becoming a good Christian, really figuring out how to live took constant study, but I don't really think that anymore. Of course I still love to read the great theologians because it's challenging, historical, motivating and a myriad of other things, but it's not the way I'm going to become a good Christian. That's back to being like Jesus. And his recipe is simple. Love God, love people, live like Me. Wicked hard to actually do, but no amount of reading books is going to be what makes me more like Him. I'm the one living my life. Yes, I need the Bible to hear God's words for me and know him more, and to let him work in me and through me, but living a life of love doesn't require that I know everything. I learned what love was the day I was born, more when I met God and even more each time I experience it. I'd say that's enough of a knowledge base to begin devoting my life to it.

Sterotypical moments

2006-07-20T20:09:00.000-04:00

Do you ever feel like you fit a sterotype to the T? I'm sitting cross-legged on my couch, laptop in front of me with leftover chinese food one side of me and a beer on the other working on my care plan. I feel like a snapshot of a 20-something college student. I think student is one of my favorite roles. When I was in between schools last year, I used to catch myself checking the student box, or talking about school, then I'd be a little bummed when I realized I really wasn't a part of that culture anymore. It's good to be back. I'm not quite sure why I love it so much, since it usually means I sleep a lot less, constantly have papers and projects looming in the back of my mind, and have to fight to have any kind of life outside of school (let's face it, this time around there's not much of one). But I do. I like learning, I love discovering the connection between the stuff we go over in the classroom and the real world. I like the combination of stressful and laidback times. It's a good place. And of course come next summer I'll be dying to be done with it. Go figure.

Waiting on Love

2006-07-16T23:40:00.000-04:00

I've never been one think of singleness as a curse. I don't think of it as a situation to be rectified, or as something to be pitied. There are a million and a half things I have the freedom to do because I have no strings attached. But tonight I'm wishing I had some strings. Tonight I find myself longing to be in love again and to have that deep level of intimacy with someone. To be there for someone and know that he'll be there for me. I'm the bold, independent one, always off seeking some new adventure, but more and more lately I find myself wishing I was sharing life and all it's adventures with someone. So I'm only 23 and it will probably happen all in good time, but tonight is just one of those nights. And I'm praying for you whoever you are....where ever you are...

And the good days that inevitably follow

2006-07-12T16:13:00.000-04:00

As often is the case with the Bad Day, the one that followed was great :) Today was my first real day of clinical and I am reassured that I am in fact going into the right field. I woke up about every hour or two last night, totally paranoid I was going to oversleep, then arrived this morning with my stomach doing flip-flops and my mind running away, trying to review everything we've packed into the last 7 weeks. My instructor went in with me to do my initial assessment and from there on I realized it wasn't anything I hadn't done before and happily relaxed. I wasn't expected to know everything. There was a nurse and instructor to help me. And my lovely patient had mess of stuff wrong with her, but was a sweet and patient as could be! After doing all our assessments and treatments on healthy people, it was admittedly kind of fun to do them for someone who actually needed them. And I got to talk to her about her life, her family, how she felt and whether or not I funbled a bit or took a little longer wasn't such a big deal. So life is back to good. Kallie is back to happy. And the best part is I get to go back and do it again tomorrow :) Ok, time to look up a looong list o' meds.

Tough Days

2006-07-11T19:52:00.000-04:00

So I had an emotional breakdown today; the first one since I got to Pennsylvania almost two months ago. It's been kind of a rough couple days. School suddenly got a lot harder, I realized how much I miss my friends and family, and I had to tell my roommate I'm not renewing my lease. Nothing too horrible, or overwhelming in itself, but when put together and mixed with a serious lack of sleep, it became so.
Yesterday was our first exam of our new 6 week long Med/Surg Nursing Class. We only started class last Wednesday and spent Thursday in the lab and Friday at clinical, so really we'd only had one day of in class lecture. Now I'd thus far been able to score A's with minimal effort so it was quite a shock to be faced with a REALLY hard test. And I bit it. 75%. Totally my fault because I wasn't prepared, and quite possibly it was a good thing since the exam only makes up 10% of my grade, but it gave me the motivation I needed to really get back to being a good student. So I was bummed about that, but took it in stride and remained as optimistic as possible. Then I came home from class and studied my butt off until my roommate got home. We then went for a walk. Not one I was very excited to go on. I decided I'm moving out on Oct 1 in order to be closer to campus. I'm only about 20 minutes away hypothetically, but with traffic it never ends up being less than 1/2 an hour and is usually longer. So when I got the offer from a friend to take the spot of her roommate who's moving out, I jumped. I'm stoked about it (I'll have a dishwasher, pool, and gym and be living with some really cool girls!), but was really bummed to have to tell my roommate. Anyone looking for a place, she's great! She took it well and was understanding, but ugh, I hate doing that kinda stuff.
Today we had a quiz on Cardiovascular stuff. I stayed up late memorizing my signs and symptoms, meds, parameters, contraindications, etc... and felt MUCH more prepared than for yesterday's exam. It turned out to be really tough, and while I did decent, I was putting so much pressure on myself to ace it that I kind of cracked when I realized my stupid mistakes. And the tears began to threaten. So yeah, it was a kind of rough day. The honeymoon stage of moving out here is over, and while I still like it and am so glad this is what I'm doing, life is a little bit tougher. In so many ways I really am like an exchange student here. The subtle differences are becoming more clear and my trip home reminded me just what I left behind. But God is here and after some good sleep I'm sure things will be right with the world again. In the grand scheme, these little things are insignificant. Tomorrow is clinical and we get a chance to try out some of these things we're learning! I love the bike ride to and from the hospital is already a part that I totally look forward to. I beautiful way to start the day! For now, it's study then sleepy time.

I love wikihow

2006-07-10T21:48:00.000-04:00

So I am a diehard gmail convert and set up my personalized google homepage as a result. My favorite part of it is the wikihow section. They give me all sorts of wonderful information like how to make invisible ink, how to survive in prison, how to pee in the woods and today how to expand ivory soap. Here is a link so you can enjoy it as well. Yay
http://www.wikihow.com/Expand-Ivory-Soap

Freshening Up

2006-07-06T17:45:00.000-04:00

I thought it was time for a little redecorating here on the Kallie blog. It's summer, I'm in pretty Pennsylvania and I have very little desire to study (ah, the truth comes out). It's actual a gorgeous day here for the first time in awhile not humid! Yay!! Tomorrow we start clinicals, which I'm slightly nervous and mostly excited about. It kinda blows my mind that I started this thing a month and a half ago and I've already progressed from freshman, to sophmore, to junior status. The time has flown and I'm realizing this program is going to be over before I know it.

A content heart and wild spirit

2006-07-06T00:12:00.000-04:00

So today was my first day back at class after a 10 day break. I ended up deciding at the last minute to go home to CA for a few days when I found a ticket to Reno for just over 200 bucks. Rather than try and fit in dinners and visits with everyone (which is somewhat customary for me, but usually leaves me needing a vacation when I come back home), I spent most of the time relaxing and hanging out with my family. One of my old pastors used to say, "every family has weirdness," and my family is no exception, but they are beautiful and wonderful and I love them. It's always strange for me when I go home though because I think of my brothers and sisters I'm the one who's both closest to it and farthest from it. I talk to my parents more than my brothers and sister and have been back to visit more than any of the others. I love El Dorado County. A lot of the friends I grew up with couldn't wait to get out ne'er to return, but I think it's a great place. Now I definitely wasn't the only one who thought EDC was nice, there was totally a group that wanted to live there for the rest of their lives. I guess what gets me is the fact that I feel such a strong connection to that place and at the same time realize I'll probably never return except to visit my parents, and possibly Wally if he decides to move there so he can get free childcare ("why would I pay for day-care Kallie when I could have Mom watch them for free?") . It would be so easy to move back there, go work at Marshall, and raise a family in the area, but I know that will never happen and it gets me thinking about my life. I've never thought of myself as an adrenaline junkie or a masochist, but I think I like my life slightly difficult. And at times this drives me crazy. I look at the simple country life and it looks so easy, relaxing, calm, predictable....and I know I could probably only be happy with it if I was planning some big adventure elsewhere. So I begin to question my level of contentment with my life. The fact is, I really am I content, happy person. I'm not one who constantly seeks something else because I feel like what I have is not enough. I don't want stuff or money, I don't want power, I don't care about prestige. I'm not looking to climb any ladder or prove anything. But I need something to DO, to SEE, to EXPERIENCE something more. What does that mean? In my mind I think that the mixture of contentment and desire for something more is evidence of the fact that God can fill me, but this world is not my home. It also means that I'm bound to make my life a lot harder than it has to be and will constantly be putting myself in situations where I'm totally uncomfortable. Ah, the things I have to look forward to!

The most difficult easy answer

2006-06-24T21:23:00.000-04:00

The air is so thick here I feel like I could chew it. It's a new thing for my these hot, humid off-and-on thunderstormy days. I look outside and with the rain coming down and thunder splitting the sky it seems as if I should be curled up under a blanket, but the temperature suggests otherwise. Thankfully I live in a house with A/C and a great fan, so I'm staying quite comfortable despite Mother Nature's efforts. And if I don't leave the house, I can convince myself that it really is one of those cozy rainy days to stay inside. Today was the first day off I've had where I stayed in rather than sight-seeing or doing something super fun with friends in a month! And a beautiful day off it was. We finished another class yesterday and I am now officially a junior. And I thought my first round as a freshman and sophomore flew! But anyway, today was great because there wasn't even the concern of class looming over my head. Here are the thoughts that filled it instead...

Spending the day by myself is something that I love, and need to do every once in awhile. This comes a a surprise for some, because I thrive being around people. But I find that when I spend time alone I can ask God the questions instead of people and actually give him time to answer. And lately, I feel like I'm looking for lots of answers. More now than ever before in my life I'm feeling conflict in the desires I have for my life. Before, my goals and dreams for my life, the things I felt called toward all seemed to fit together, but lately I find myself imagining two lives for myself and I'm not quite sure which route I'm meant to take. I'd like to say that in time God will make it clear, but I sometimes wonder if he already has and it's really just my own selfish desires that keep me from fully letting go of "the American dream" and adopting a life that seems so much more in line with really living out what I believe. Do you ever start to feel like you know too much to continue living the way you always have? Like, how can I live the extravagant American lifestyle (believe me, all of us who consider ourselves middle class or above here in the US live extravagantly) when I know what that kids are dying everyday as a result of poverty, war, lack of adequate medical access, etc. I mean, 30,000 kids die everyday from starvation, I'm not naive enough to think that I could singlehandedly bring about the end to any of this, but I do wonder how I could possibly choose a life of comfort when I know my profession will give me the opportunity to love these kids in an amazing way. I've been reading this book lately called, "Irresistable Revolution," by Shane Claiborne, which has caused me to really re-evaluate a lot of things about my life and my future plans. It's not a hard book to read in a literal sense. Shane is totally conversational and straightforward, but it challenges me so much and really, in many ways makes me uncomfortable, and I find that I can only handle so much of it before I have to put it down. Now Shane calls himself and "everyday radical" and I find part of me really wanting to write him off as just that because it would just make the whole thing so much easier. While it's true that there are some things about what he says that I don't neccessarily agree with, there is a lot that he seems to hit right on in a way that rocks my world to the very foundation. And the phrase that continues to rebound through my head is, "how now shall we live?" Or more accurately, how now shall I live? Why is it so many people see Christians as judgemental and hypocritical instead of those who live to serve and show love? More and more I'm realizing, while the question is sad, the answer is obvious. Actions speak louder than words. We say we want to live like Jesus, but very few of us actually do. And I don't mean very few of actually do live like Jesus, I mean very few of us truly even want to. Jesus lived among the poor. He didn't just minister to them, he was them. He gave away the best of everything he had right down to his heavenly inheritance for people who treated him like crap. He gave ALL he had to give. Not the leftovers. Not the extras. How many of us really want to live like that? My soul cries for it and fear racks me at the thought of actually doing it. And this folks, is my conflict. With my career I will have the means to live a life of luxury and the option to save those in the poorest, most destitute of conditions....how now shall I live?

i love nursing school

2006-06-24T12:08:00.000-04:00

I seriously doubt other nursing classes have as much fun as we do.

Strawberries, Amish, and my fun newfound friends

2006-06-19T20:06:00.000-04:00

Well, I must say, I've managed to do pretty good at using my weekends to get out and about around here. It usually leaves me in trouble come Monday when I my books don't come out of my bag until Sunday night, but with how much time we're spending on these classes I feel like the little time I have away from my studies on the weekends is essential! And I certainly do make the most of it!
This weekend I took off to Lancaster County (that's "Lank-a-stir" with a nice philly accent) to see the Amish. I went with two friends from class, one from around here who played tour guide and another from New Hampshire. Both of us out of staters were beyond excited to share our road with buggies and see kids in their cute Amish garb hanging out in front of their homes. Even before we left our car the trip seemed worth it. The names of the towns are unreal. First you pass through Blue Ball, then through Intercourse, and finally you reach Paradise!!! WHAT?! Yes, we were throughly entertained. Especially when we discovered that Intercourse was hosting an OB/GYN conference. There are no words :) Though the Amish were amazing and the homemade pretzels and lemonade delish, quite possibly the highlight of the day was the strawberry eating contest. Much to our delight Intercourse was having their annual Berry Festival and to celebrate there was an open strawberry eating contest. The entrance fee was only two bucks to we decided to check it out. When we learned it was time and not quantity and that only 3 people were signed up, Meg (New Hampshire) and I decided to join and Julia volunteered to take the pictures. We strolled around for a bit, then came back to test our eating abilities. By then there were 7 contestants and we watched them cover the bottoms of plates with quartered strawberries. We were called up, took our seats, and they proceeded to completely cover the plates with whipped cream. Rules: Everything must be eaten and hands have to stay behind your back. Ok, so if you know me, I love getting things on my face when I'm eating, so the idea of being covered in whipped cream really appealed to me. Oh yeah, AND I WON!!! Meg came in a close second with only 4 strawberry quarters left. I ended up getting a $25 gift certificate to this little jams and jellies place, so we were all able to get some jams, apple butters, and salsas...yum! All in all it was a lot of fun and stinkin hilarious. W e decided we have to go back next year to defend the title...well Meg says I'm going down next year, but I'll take her again. After cruisin the amish farmer's market and looking around a bit more we came back home and I went straight to my friend Mel's house to leave again for another adventure. She invited me to spend Father's Day with her and her fam, so I got to eat good food, play with kids, and see yet another part of this beautiful state. Yeah, it's hot and humid, but it's amazingly green, and people sit out on their porches and play checkers and drink lemonade. I'm charmed. So here's some pics from the weekend so you can feel like you're being won over by this state and it's people with me.

Puzzle Pieces

2006-06-14T22:57:00.000-04:00

As I begin to write this I am feeling a bit guilty since blogging is probably not the best use of my time, but alas, here I am anyway.
Are you ever overwhelmed with the way the many facets of your life seem to converge? I feel like my life is this series of puzzle pieces being laid down before my eyes. When they are sitting there alone and separate I am almost always confused and curious about the whys of it all...huh, I guess "puzzled" would be the appropriate word. Eventually though, the seemingly separate pieces begin to interlock and the reasons for the people, places, experiences, hello's and goodbye's in my life begin to make sense. Today I was hit with some of the strongest situational irony I've experienced in a long time and I felt like I was living some sort of movie. I found myself laughing at the incredible and endlessly amusing ways God works. I don't really think much of what I'm writing makes sense since I'm leaving out all specifics and speaking in vague generalizations. I'll probably explain it more clearly in the future, but for now there's a lot I have to work out in my head. Suffice to say, God has a plan and it is evident in every experience of my life. To Him be the glory.

NYC!

2006-06-13T22:09:00.000-04:00

I still am blown away by how I can travel through multiple states in less than 2 hours. My roommate and I cruised up to New York for the weekend. Not a big deal for the people on this coast, but super fun for us Cali kids since NYC is usually quite a trek. We drove up to Princeton, NJ, then took the train into the city. Our goals for the weekend: to see Lady Liberty, Ground Zero, and have as much fun possible while spending the least amount possible. And we did a pretty decent job. We walked A TON and managed to cram in a mess o' stuff. I really shouldn't spend too much time on teh details since I'm drowning in hw, but I'll post some pics. Highlights include FREE Staten Island Ferry and seeing the Statue of Liberty, Ground Zero, the building falling down on us, comedy clubs, empanadas, cheesecake, Ellen's, waiting in line for the lottery to get Wicked tickets and not winning, massive Puerto Rican day crowds, walking the entire length of Manhattan, trying to crawl inside the 9, cruising Central Park, and being reminded that I am so not a metropolitan city girl. Happy to visit and happy to come back to my quiet apartment in the suburbs.

Random fact

2006-06-06T16:16:00.000-04:00

Villanova still has an anti-brothel law in effect, which prohibits more than 3 single women from living together in the same house. So basically, college girls get the shaft since they can't have a house with more than 3 girls and Villanova rent is $$. Not only does this weird law exist, it's actually enforced and girls get evicted when their rich, uptight neighbors want to get college students out of the town. Crazy.

Relentless Thoughts

2006-06-05T16:52:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I'm really bummed that I have to call myself a Christian. It's not that I'm bummed to BE a Christian, quite the contrary, but all the negative associations that go along with that word break my heart. It kills me that the adjectives that many associate with Christian are judgemental, ethnocentric, egotistical, and condemning. Man, have we screwed things up. Whatever happened to living lives of unending, relentless compassion, love and grace? I know that there are Christians living out that life, but it seems the majority of us appear as judgemental hypocrites to the rest of the world, especially if you claim to be a *gasp* evangelical or fundamentalist Christian, which I do. Last night I had a discussion with my roommate about how I feel called to live and it set my mind turning on how often I fall short of what it is I claim is my goal. I want to live in the image of Christ. It seems so simple and straightforward, but if I'm going to be fully and completely honest, to REALLY live like Christ scares me. I can handle it to a point, to love my neighbor, to serve others with my gifts, talents, and blessings, that's within reason, but once we start getting into the big sacrifices, well I'm freaked out. Can I really give up all this world has to offer? Now, I believe that we are called to be a part of this world, so I'm not suggesting thatI go move into some convent somewhere and convert to a monastic lifestyle. But at the same time, I wonder how much, in good conscience, I can live a life of luxury. When I was in South America I actually found myself envious of the poor there because there weren't so many obstacles between them and God. They couldn't afford the worldly distractions we pad our lives with. And so often lately I find myself questioning a lot of things about our society... so I turn to Scripture...and it only gets worse. I find I am unable to even argue for any sort of materialism. We can try and rationalize that we give to the poor, that God wants us to be happy, yadda, yadda, but at the end of the day I just keep thinking that Jesus didn't go out and work in a soup kitchen for a bit, then go back to a nice cozy place to sleep at night. Should we all be taking a vow of poverty? I don't know, but a life of excess just doesn't seem to fit. I'm pretty confident that Jesus wouldn't have driven an Audi, worked 80 hours a week to climb the corporate ladder, or spend money on exotic vacations purely for self-pleasure...the guy gave everything he had away, down to his very life and birthright for those who despised him...he probably wouldn't even save for his retirement. So I'm not looking to tell anyone how to live here, these are just the thoughts that seem to persist in my mind as of late. And they are thoughts that both excite and scare me. To what extreme do we go? How do live for God and love this world as completely as he did? It's also got me thinking a lot about war, and my ideas on that might be changing. Guess I'll save that for another blog. Feel free to tell me what you guys think here and if you've been chewing on any of these ideas, let me know and maybe we can chat.

Getting the full experience

2006-06-04T22:39:00.000-04:00

One of the things I love about moving to a new place is just the novelty of everything. It's amazing how much more you do when you feel like a tourist than when you've lived in a place for what seems like forever. Things that are new and exciting just have so much more appeal than those which seem commonplace. The history of this area blows my mind. For those who've grown up here, it's standard, but coming from Cali, where the only historic place anywhere closeby is an old mill, I kinda dig it. It's funny, today felt like a day that best fit the sterotypes I had about the EC before I got here. I went to church at a new place this morning and everyone was in suits and skirts and much more formal than I'm used to. I feel like I have to preface this by saying the church I've been going to so far is not at all like that and reminds me a ton of the one I went toward the end of my time at Cal Poly. And I'm not opposed to traditional-style churches it just felt so "East Coast-y," without that laid back Cali feel. After church I defintiely went the wrong direction and this got to drive the total expanse of Philadelphia before heading back home. Grabbed some lunch with the roommate, then we headed out to Valley Forge for a bike ride. Yeah, you can do that here. Go to amazing historical sites that are just down the road and ride your bike around. We had a great ride and I even got a cute guy to put some air in my tires since I forgot to bring my bike pump out here :) It was great because it seemed like there were hotties everywhere we went today. Niiice. After the park we stopped by Rita's for some water ice, more accurately pronounced "whatur ice" by these Philadelphians. They were shocked here to figure out I'd never had it, but it's basically an italian ice/fruit freeze kinda thing...pretty yummy and great after a bike ride. My roommate then gave me the "behind the scenes" tour of Villanova, complete with crypts, ghost stories, rooftops, and wonderful secret spots. We finished the day off with a nice dinner and some chillin at home. All in all a wonderful Sunday. I got to experience the sights, tastes, and general feeling of Pennsylvania, minus the nasty humidity, which seems to have retreated at least for a few days (THANK GOD!!). So what should my next adventure be? Well, NYC is on the slate for next weekend...

Love, Pain, and Healing

2006-06-02T16:14:00.000-04:00

Today I had my midterm and a lab practical for a class I started on Tuesday. Afterward a friend and I decided to go see a movie to decompress and allow ourselves to just veg and just not think for a bit. Well, turned out no movies were playing at 11am on a Friday, so we went to grab some lunch, then came back to the theater afterward. We saw the new movie "The Breakup" with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn and got quite a different movie than we were expecting. If you're looking for a lighthearted romantic comedy, look elsewhere. It told the story of a breakup as they often occur, where we get mean, do things to try to ilicit some desired reaction and end up with something completely different than what we were hoping for, or I guess what we thought we were hoping for. It was honestly, one of those movies that was kinda painful to watch. Well, at least I think it is if you've ever been in love. The teenage girls in front of me just thought it was "cute."
But anyway, it got me thinking is there anything out there that hurts more than losing love? Maybe living a life that is totally devoid of love? I don't think so because if you are never loved, it would probably be less painful since you are not living in full realization of what you don't have. That's what makes it so hard when someone leaves...you know what you're missing, what you have lost. And it doesn't matter what way they leave, where they go, or how it happens, it wrenches us. I broke up with my ex almost a year ago, or more accurately, he fell out of love with me. It's funny how even when things got too painful the way they were to continue to be together, I didn't want to let go because I replayed the wonderful parts in my head. But the fact of the matter was, I had already lost him and being with him and not with him, was exceedingly more painful that to just admit what we both already knew. The split conveniently happened at the same time I graduated from college, moved away from all of my friends, was jobless, and wondering what to do with my life. And I spend a period of time convincing myself that our break-up was only temporary. I honestly think it was the only way I could cope with it. But time passed and I allowed myself to take in what had really happened. I let myself realize that things would never be the same and it really was over. And I let myself start to heal. I can't help but smile when I think about all the times I talked myself into believing I was over him. I sort of had this philosophy that I just began living my life like I was happy and didn't miss him one day it wouldn't be pretending anymore. And it did work that way. I was happy. Instead of mouring the loss of my old life, I began to thank God for my new one. The new friends, new place, new job I had been given made it easier for me to move on. But when I encountered little things that reminded me of him, it would send me spiraling. Like when you're little and you climb up the slide, (you know the kind that spiral up) and just when you start getting close to the top, some other kid slides down and takes you back to the bottom with him. And every time I got closer to the top, someone or something would remind me of him and I'd be back to wishing he would just love me again and I could have him back.
And then I went to South America. Where it seemed my life became a living reminder. I was in his world and there was nowhere I could hide from the memories. But the amazing thing was, somewhere amid the children that needed me and the love that comes from those who are committed to Christ's work, I found my healing. Everywhere I went I saw scenes, heard songs, ate food, and felt climate that brought him to mind. But it no longer hurt. I wasn't angry. I didn't question why. I could smile at the memories and I no longer wanted him back. In short, God gave me healing and I got over him. For real! It wasn't almost or temporary, or when I was happy and loved. I could be lonely and isolated, reminded of the good, or of the pain, and still be ok knowing we'll never be together.
My life is good. I don't know what or who my future will bring, but I know that I experienced real love once and because of it I can't settle for anything less. On the flip side, I can see how people let themselves close up. Why they choose promiscuity or isolation over intimacy. Losing love hurts. But healing can happen. And I know I will always choose love. Praise God for that.

Summer is Here

2006-05-29T21:20:00.000-04:00

Are you ever just totally amazed at the way God works in your life? I am on a regular basis. I moved across the country less than two weeks ago and have already had the chance to meet some amazing people. My second day of class, I sat down next to Melanie. She is a Christian and has been living and teaching in Nairobi, Kenya for the last four years. After graduation, her dream is to go back there are work as a medical missionary. I am inspired! For those of you who don't know, I am so stoked about the idea of medical missions. I've been thinking lately about working as a traveling nurse so I could have the money and flexibility to do actually swing it. At this point, I'll just wait for God to lead. Regardless, we are having some great conversations and she's proven to be one of those people it is just really fun to talk to. All that to say, I HAVE A FRIEND!! Today I went with her to visit her family in the Poconos (the mountains just north of here). The day matched the summer weather that seems to have arrived here just in time to make all the weekend vacationers happy, us included. In other words, it's stinkin hot here, but it was great since we got to hang out on a lake. We went to a brunch with her insanley huge family (her dad have 9 brothers and sisters and they all have a mess o kids), then went back to their lake house where we prepared for lazy afternoon. I forgot my swimsuit at her house so I got to wear a bright teal early 90's classic because the idea of sitting on the shore while the others swam across the lake was worse than being seen in something so hot ;). And I did swim across the lake...twice! After chillin on the shore for awhile, we went back to the house and practiced taking blood pressures on the tons of people that make up her family. Awesome practice since there's a mess of them of all shapes, sizes, and ages. Tomorrow we start our examination and assessment course and the midterm is Friday (including head to toe assessments and vitals), so we figure we need all the practice we can get! All in all it was a great day. I'm happy. And I have so much reading to do....

Neighborhoods

2006-05-27T22:32:00.000-04:00

I am a country girl at heart. I grew up in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada mountains and I think hills, trees, and windy roads will forever feel like home. But I'm living in suburbia now and I have to say there is a part of me that love the little things that come along with a real neighborhood. Little boys running their paper routes, ice cream trucks, grandmothers gardening, and kids riding their bikes out in front of my car. I know they're probably everyday happenings for most of the people here, but they are the details that I love about my new place. I'm getting in the habit of going for a walk in the evening just because I love it so much :) With the tree-lined streets and brick houses, parks, and streams that fill this place, I feel like I'm on the set of a movie or something, because it just seems a bit too family-oriented and peaceful to be reality. I'm sure my feelings will be very different when the humidity comes on full force, but for now, I'll just enjoy the moment...

Kallie, Villanova Nursing Student

2006-05-22T23:32:00.000-04:00

That's right, it is now official! Started classes today and I must say, I'm quite excited. I'm totally appreciating that I spent the last year working in the hospital because it seems like everyone is already freakin out about clinicals and I feeling anxious to get back in a hospital! Of course there is tons to be learned, but it's nice to start feeling relatively calm and prepared for the next 14 months. Our professors are great so far and the students seem nice as well. There are about 40 of us that will be in all the same classes, so I'm sure I'll be getting to know them VERY well whether I want to or not! Ok, it's late, and I gotta get up for Day 2 tomorrow, so this rather lame post will end here.

Burnin' Down the House

2006-05-21T22:52:00.000-04:00

Today was an eventful day. I found a great church, got a bed, and tried to burn my house down...twice. I think some sort of fire or near fire accident is obligatory when moving into a new place ( I must say my sister managed to have a much more dramatic experience than I, but I guess that's good since she's married to a firefighter and I'm not). For me it all started when my roommate and I decided to make tortilla de patatas and bruschetta for dinner. We both spend some time studying abroad in Spain a few years back (not together) and she asked me if I knew how to make tortilla (note: Spanish tortilla is kinda like a glorifed onion and potato omelet). "Sure," I said, "I can totally make it for you." So we went to the store to pick up potatoes and some other things we both wanted to buy. I think we were gone for about 40 minutes or so. Yeah, um, but before we left we had put some water on our gas range to boil because some tea sounded nice, so we came home to find it still on! Ah! Luckily nothing happened except that the water had boiled almost completely away, so tea wasn't really an option unless we wanted to start over. Ok, so onto the the REAL almost fire incident. We began making the tortilla, chopping up tomato and garlic for the bruschetta, and I stuck some bread in the oven to toast. I put it on broil, but the oven didn't seem to be getting very hot and the bread wasn't toasting. After checking a few times...yeah...I TOTALLY forgot about it. I was more focused on the fact that it seemed like the tortilla was taking forever to cook. Then the smoke alarm starting going off and you'd think this would have reminded me about my bread, but no, I thought, "Oh no, the tortilla is burning!" So we flipped it over, and it really didn't look burned so we were a bit puzzled. Then we noticed the smoke starting to pour out of the range...and I realized it wasn't from the stove, but from the oven! I threw open the oven door and smoke billows out, burning our eyes and turning the whole apartment hazy. I throw the pan into the sink and turn on the water and at this point my roommate and I lose it laughing. We run to the windows, find the fan, and furiously wave our towels in the air, gasping for breath since we're totally cracking up. And of course I'm feeling totally humbled since my confidence in my cooking ability has been shattered by the fact that I can't even toast bread. We ended up making more toast (and set my cell phone timer just in case we could possibly forget) and dinner was actually pretty good. In the end, we decided the whole thing was a great bonding experience "The night we tried to turn down the house...twice." Yeah that and that we should probably get a toaster.

Road Trip Pics

2006-05-20T18:22:00.000-04:00

Is it time for some pictures already? They were promised in Peru and yet still I have posted nothing LAME! Ok, so here we go....

Shall begin with the road trip? Ok.

First stop, Battle Mountain. What is there to do there? Well, not a ton as it turned out, but it was at this site that we left our car for the first time since departing Reno for random photo action on the side of the freeway. (if my mom reads this, there wasn't a lot of cars and we were totally off the road so don't worry). More importantly this is where we named our road trip mascot.

CAPTAIN BASE CAMP.

True Story: Captain Base Camp is actually a painted green army guy given to me by a friend before my freshman year of high school. G=For the past 9 years of my life he's been hanging out in my desk at my parents house. When I was packing to leave, Jessica decided he should probably come along. He definitily played a crucial role in telling us where to go during the long trip cross-country.

After stopping in Salt Lake for the night for the night we made our way down to Arches Natl. Park which was awesome. This is one of our more normal pics...we took polaroids of us holding up rocks and arches...sweeeet.

In Grand Junction Bert and Merce took us up to the top of this canyon on their property where we ate lamb, grilled potatoes and veggies, made on a campfire. I don't think words can really describe just how cool it was.

In Fort Collins we stopped at New Belgium, the brewery that makes Fat Tire, my current favorite beer. It was great! We scored free postcards (they even mail them for you), free beer, free keychains, and found great company in the many college students that frequent the place. Highly recommended.

Well, Nebraska wasn't the most thrilling part of our drive, but I had the best T-Bone steak EVER at this place.

In Chicago we hit up Ed Debevic's for lunch, where we had the best time being treated like crap. Their gimmick is horrible rude service. Who knew it could be so much fun. I just liked this sign they had at the exit. :)

We ran into a walking Reese's peanut butter cup walking around the city, and OF COURSE had to take a picture!!!

In Pittsburgh I mostly hung out inside with this little guy, my brother's roommate's new golden retriever puppy....totally adorable. Ok, so if you want to see more pics, feel free to check out my album at http://photos.yahoo.com/supertallkallie

A Creature of Habit

2006-05-20T17:28:00.000-04:00

Most of the time I don't really think of my life as being ruled by routine. I'm always changing places, changing activities, making new friends, reuniting with old ones, working weird hours, etc. and lately I don't feel like I have any semblance of routine in my day to day activity at all. But really I do. And the fact of the matter is, I find comfort in the little routines that offer some level of normalcy to my ever-changing life.
Today I decided to go hit up some garage sales to try and get a few things we're lacking here in the apartment. In typical Kallie fashion I had some trouble convincing myself to get up an at'em and slept in later than planned. Thus, I decided to just throw some clothes on and head out and shower and eat something when I got back home. My trip was a success. I go to check out some more of the neighborhood, found some great buys and got back to the apartment around 11. And it's been a relaxing, chill kinda day, but my routine that I didn't even know existed is admittedly a bit off. I had breakfast at 11, then read one of my nursing textbooks until I decided it was time to take a shower (I love legitimate procrastination). It was the shower that really got me thinking about this whole routine thing. I know I have a shower routine because whenever I change up the order, I usually forget something. Today, I got distracted by the way the water tempertaure was scalding hot and failing to adjust and forgot to wash my hair. Do other people do this? I wouldn't say it happens very often, but when it does I can blame it on the changing up of the routine. Luckily I'm hanging around the house this afternoon, so I just hopped back in when I realized and again appreciated the loveliness of my exceptionally tall showerhead. But mostly I got to thinking about the little habits, patterns, and orders that bring an impulsive, feet first girl comfort in new circumstances...like the fact that I first wash my hair, then my face, etc....

Settling In

2006-05-20T00:09:00.000-04:00

Well, the intial anxiety I experienced when realizing how many little details I had to figure out before school starts on Monday has subsided and I'm feeling quite relaxed and happy here in my new home. As it is, I've gotten a lot accomplished and all the urgent things have been taken care of. My room is still devoid of any furniture, and as my roommate says, looks like the room of a very small person since nothing is more than a foot and a half off the ground. A bit ironic since I have about a foot on her :) It will soon be changing however since I managed to find a great bed for a great price that I'll be picking up later this weekend thanks to craigslist and a nice couple that doesn't want to lug all their furniture to their new home in Phoenix.
It's been nice to have some time to explore the neighborhood and get some bearings. I think I spent at least half of my driving time getting lost, but as a result I've discovered the location of grocery stores, the post office, Target, parks, schools, rich neighborhoods, shady mcgrady neighborhoods, etc... and am starting to get my bearings. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't since knowing which direction I want to go and actually going there seem completely different in this land of curvy streets with names that mysteriously change on you. It seems more often than not there are 3-5 ways to get anyplace here, the trick is figuring out which way will have the least amount of traffic and no tolls! Still, the trips I've made into Philly make me realize how glad I am to be living exactly where I am- close enough to visit whenever, go downtown for dinner, etc, but able to come back to my sweet, safe, quiet home with abundant parking and kids playing outside.
Whoever said East Coasters are cold has apparently not been to this area. When I went running the other day, just about every person I came across greeted me with a smile, a wave, or a hello, and the people at school and around town have been equally friendly. It's a great feeling to realize more and more each day that I picked the right place. As far as school, I'm sort of wondering just exactly I have gotten myself into since I realized I'll be taking a semester's worth of full-time study in 6 weeks instead of 15, but I guess I'll figure than out soon enough. For now I'm trying to organize my life and enjoy my last few days of freedom.

The End of the Road

2006-05-16T22:38:00.000-04:00

I made it! I'm writing this post from inside my new home here in beautiful Pennsylvania. And it really is beautiful. Despite the rain, I enjoyed my drive from Pittsburgh thanks to the gorgeous scenery. Nothing like spending miles and miles on 80 going through those plain states to make you appreciate lush green trees and rolling hills. The rain cleared about halfway through my drive and thankfully I got to move my stuff from car to house with clear skies. So a bit about my new place. For those of you who don't know, I found it online and just met my new roommate the same time I got handed my keys (ok, so we talked and emailed a bit). As it is, everything is working out splendidly. The apartment is located in a suburb of Philly, and I'm seriously enjoying the east coastyness of the area. Tree-lined streets, brick houses, and township added to the end of the city names :) Everyday for those from here, but simply delightful to a California girl! My apartment is clean, small, but not too small, and has great carpet. That seems like a weird thing to say, but I'm really stoked about the fact that we a)have carpet and b) it's actually clean enough for me to lay on without concern...especially since at the moment my room is totally devoid of furniture. That's one of those details I'll get to work on tomorrow. Oh, the to do list is long! But I'm a happy girl. Gnight.

The Home Stretch

2006-05-15T18:28:00.000-04:00

I officially made it into Pennsylvania last night, or more accurately early this morning. I'm hanging out in Pittsburgh at my brother's place and the fact that I'm actually moving and not just on another vacation has begun to hit home. Jess and I had a great time in Chicago yesterday with my cousin-of-sorts Julia (all these seconds and once-removed just confuse me). We went to Ed Debevic's for lunch, which is this hilarious diner where the wait staff is totally rude to the point of hilarity, on purpose of course. They also dance on the bar and make a great chocolate malt. Now Jessica is on a plane back to CA and I'm beginning to get the itch to get going on to my new home myself. I'll head out tomorrow and plan on exploring the area around my new place a bit since my roommate will be at work until the evening and the drive is only about 6 hours. It's been a pretty low-key day, but I've been enjoying it since I know once the craziness starts, it's just gonna keep on going!

Road Trippin'

2006-05-13T20:09:00.000-04:00

It's about time I put up another post already! So I was home for a whirlwind week and now I'm transversing the country with Jessica having an amazingly good time. Don't want to rub it in and say you wish you were here, but the reality is, you probably wish you were. We are currently in Libertyville, IL and in the six days since we left the only meal we actually paid for were sub sandwiches in Fort Collins...SCORE! Shall we recap with priceless gems from each state? Ok, here we go!!...

California- alright, let's be honest, not much happened between Shingle Springs and Reno, but that's a good thing since my track record of trips through Tahoe with Jessica is less than stellar. (think snow and closed roads)

Nevada- talk about a proper send off, the DAD hooked us up with dinner on Monday, hot breakfast on Tuesday and lunches big enough to last for DAYS. The state's scenery was lacking, but Battle Mountain was awesome. What We Learned: If you are a town worth any consequence in Nevada, your name had better be on the side of a mountain.

Utah- land of Mormons and dragon slayers, mountains and amazing arches. Watch out for the manholes and the missionaries...kidding...kind of.....um, Arches Natl park was super cool and gets our endorsement. We should also note, it was the first place we had to actually pay for something other than gas.

Colorado- beyond description...Colorado was very good to us :) In Grand Junction we met mom's super fun friends Merce and Bert, ate a gourmet dinner on the side of a cliff, played with dogs, and had pretty much the best granola ever (which we can now make ourselves!). From there we headed to Fort Collins, through pretty much the most gorgeous scenery ever (the first that really competed with our beloved CA). In Fort Collins we had lunch with a friend from Portland and hit up New Belgium Brewery for some free sampling and a true taste of the college vibe.

Wyoming- The cheapest gas we'll probably see the entire trip at $2.58/gal. And we learned that Sonic really does exist. Yup, that's about it

Nebraska-If you love museums and quantity means more to you than quality, this is the state for you. One at EVERY exit. One contained a miniature version of Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show. Best part, some couple spent 12 years carving those figurines. Wow. Unfortunately, I didn't get to ride any REAL buffalo, only fake ones. Hands down best steak I've ever had. Lots of wonderful tall Sealocks we were happy to meet!

Iowa- Kinda a jumble with Nebraska since like the illegal immigrants we did a lot of border hopping. Not a lot here, though we did play some rousing games of interstate bingo....bonus if find a Corvette (we never did). and OHMYGOSH! we got FREE ice cream at a gas station just for asking for it (props to my good buddy Jessica)

Illinois-Well, we only just got here, but I think we've already spend more money on stupid tolls than on anything else we've yet to purchase....and there's not even bridges after them! Oh well, guess we can't complain since our trip has pretty much been charmed the whole way through. We're now at my great uncle and aunt's house (both great in the my grandma's brother sense and in the great people sense), which is sort of castle-like :) Tomorrow we spend the day in Chicago before continuing on our journey.

Other random facts: Polaroids enhance any road trip. My front bumper is a bug graveyard. Jessica is the squeegy (sp?) master. Tubewiches are the best, but you will get weird looks if you make them in the car (peanut butter tube, jelly tube, bread, nuf said). Cats love lasers. Dutch ovens make great dessert. I'm not tall as you think I am. Just ask Greg. Driving through Nebraska is as boring as they say it is. You can combine a gas station with anything you want: pizza place, donut shop, restaurant, dry cleaners, etc...

I think about it. We've taken some great pics which we'll sure to share in the future. Hasta pasta!

Hogar dulce hogar

2006-05-02T19:43:00.000-04:00

Home sweet home.
After a few flight delays and a bit of panicking by the parents (who were told by the airline I never got on the plane in Lima), I made it home safe and sound yesterday afternoon. I was met by Wally, my dad, and a wonderful ice-filled glass of diet pepsi (thanks dad!).
So guess what? Right before I left Peru, or maybe I should say as I was leaving I met a Peruvian not just my height, but taller! Yay, someone my height does exist there! He was sitting next to me in the emergency exit row. He was also late 20's, good-looking , and a Berkeley graduate...pleasant flight company :) Still is proved to be a bit of a tortuous flight since it was my second night of red eye travel and I'm the crappiest plane/bus sleeper ever. But after a wonderful night's sleep in the best bed ever (mine), I'm quite a happy Kallie. I'm feeling the reverse culture shock some, but trying to take it in stride as much as possible. It's hard to see people with so much that are still so unsatisfied and hold on so tight to their money, or spend it on useless stuff. Makes me realize that money holds us more than we hold it and while it can be used for good, it can also inhibit people from really figuring out what's important....but on a lighter note, I'm loving that I keep seeing people as tall as me! yay for proper nutrition! Ok I have a to do list about a mile long, so I better get going. If you want to see me, I'm in CA for a week, gimme a call! Ciao

What goes around comes around...YES!

2006-04-30T12:19:00.000-04:00

So remember how I missed my flight in LA helping la pobrecita peruanita who didn't speak any English? Well, I'm now spending my last day here in Peru with my friend Sandra who also missed the flight. Got into Lima early this morning after taking an overnight bus, and her and her mom came to pick me up. After a nap, a wonderful breakfast and a shower we're about to head out and explore. She has a whole schedule planned out, packing in as much as we can before I leave tonight. Gotta love the unexpected blessings that come from what at the time seemed like a problem!
I had a wonderful last day in Trujillo yesterday. It was a bit sad, but mostly awesome because I had the opportunity to bless a lot of people. What is not a big deal to us, can be really expensive for the locals here, so it was cool to be able to help some of my closest friends get what they need. And I'm understanding more and more what it means to "be grateful you can give because you have been given much." For dinner last night, I made pizza with the kids in the home. None of them had ever had it before and I thought it should be corrected! It was great fun and most of them loved it. The power went out before we finished but thankfully the oven was gas and we were able to finish before it got dark...they kids didn't mind because it meant they got to eat the ice cream I gorught first. Ok, I gotta go because I don't want to spend my last day in front of a computer! Hasta pronto!

Swallowing my pride

2006-04-28T15:41:00.000-04:00

I think I'm pretty much humbled on a daily basis here, and the cool thing is, every time I can let go of a bit more of my pride. I once heard someone say that "humility isn't thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less." And I really couldn't agree more. Since the moment I stepped off the plane, impressing people has never really been an option. I stumble through what I want to say because of my lack of vocabulary, I pronounce things wrong, and I blend in about as well as a red wine does on a white t-shirt. And it's been great. Since I generally assume I'm going to make a fool of myself, there's not really a lot standing in the way of whatever it is I want to do. Now I'm not a total people pleaser or anything, but I would say I generally, like most, want people to like me. I'm not shy, but at times I avoid situations were the likelihood of embarassment is high. And it's not like I quit altogther caring what anyone thinks, but more that my mind tends to be less on myself lately and more on what I want to be doing for God and for the people around me. I thought I'd include some of my recent lessons in humility for your dining pleasure:

A couple days ago I had a preschooler help me with my pronunciation. Vicki is 5 and apparently wasn't satisfied with the way I was pronouncing my "errre" when I said "rojo". First she made me repeat after here several times. Still unhappy with my progress, she went to her backpack, pulled out her markers, and took out a nice pink one. She demanded, "Abre tu boca" (open your mouth) and placed her marker across my mouth. I was then instructed to close my mouth and repeat after her again. After a few tries I apparently got it down well enough that we could go play. :)

We were at church one day and the band started to play, "Open the Eyes of My Heart," a worship song we sing in the US that is also sung in Spanish. I sang the words in English and since then all of the kids have been asking me to sing it, write it down for them, etc. Well, one day my friend Elisa was there when I was singing it for them and asked me if I would come sing at her sing at her church with her. Now I love to sing, and was in choir in jr high and high school, but I'm not one to do solos. Together, I figured I could swallow my pride a bit and handle it. So I went with to church with her last night to sing....and before we left she decided it would be better for me to sing it alone since that way we wouldn't have to worry about matching up or anything....oh, and there's no band I would be singing a capella. Whew...what have I gotten myself into? I admittedly was a bit nervous, but it turned out great. I reminded myself I was singing for God and not people and wasn't freaked out at all. That, and it turned out her church was teeny tiny, like 20 people. It was a great experience. The pastor asked if anyone had anything special to share and as it turned out I wasn't the only one to go up and sing...and those that followed me were definitely not Whitney Houston's. Many were singing out of tune and clapping off beat, but it was evident they were raising their most joyful noise to the Lord and the truth of it is, it was beautiful. These simple people are an incredible reminder of what it is all about. They come without a fancy sound system, or even a guitar for that matter to unabashedly sing praise to our Father. Sweet.

The weight of reality

2006-04-26T16:41:00.000-04:00

Do you ever feel like you've had just a little too much reality? Seen a little too much? I'm kinda there today. While I am not one to shut out pain and suffering in this world, there is definitely some truth in the saying, "Ignorance is Bliss." I went to the house of one of my best friends here last night and it was both a heart warming and heart breaking experience. I feel like I'm always saying that here. That it's wonderful and horrible at the same time, but it's the truth. You know the story in the Bible of the woman who gave her two coins to the offering and it was a much bigger sacrifice than the extravagant gifts of the rich? That's what these people are like. They have little, but share all. Last night got me more than most because I saw that poverty here is not found only among the uneducated and/or the lazy. My friend is an incredibly hard worker that has a college education...and has lived for the past year without light or running water, in a neighborhood where you pretty much can't own anything valuable, or it will surely be stolen. If someone hears your radio or TV, they're as good as gone....but it's not a big issue, because those things aren't really affordable anyway. We went to the house of her family (which has lights and water) and they shared all of their best with me and were happy to have me in their home...their first foreign visitor! And though is was hard to see her circumstances, I was honored at the chance to literally break bread with my friend and her family...but now I want to take her home with me!

I've won the nickname Blancanieves here (Snow White) because most have never seen anyone as white as me. It's sort of the opposite of the US in regards to color. No one is trying to get a tan and they think white is beautiful, that we look like dolls :) Ok, I'll bask in my whiteness for a bit. On the other hand, I think the fact that I shave my legs to them is a bit wierd. I was cracking up when one of the kids was actually afraid when my legs were a bit prickly. :)

The days are dwindling...

2006-04-25T15:10:00.000-04:00

Hard to believe I only have a few days left here. The truth is, I'm a bit sad to leave. I have no regrets about how I've spent my time here; I've honestly packed in about as much as I could! But I've realized in doing so I quickly became part of a family and a mission here. Originally, I thought there was no way I could live in Peru for an extended period of time, but with every day that goes by it feels more and more like home...yeah, that and I found Huanchaco. If I were to live in La Libertad (this region of Peru), that's were I would be! About a 10 or 15 minute drive from Trujillo is this beautiful little beach town that won my heart :) It's a combination of tropical paradise and my familiar Pacific, that had me thinking about SLO bunches. I went on Sunday with Marina and Aida (who knew I could have so much fun hanging out with 11 and 12 year olds?!). We strolled, shopped, snacked, and fished off the pier. It was wonderful! Quite a relaxing way to spend a Sunday afternoon. Yesterday and today it's been back to work, which I was also glad to do. Having spent the end of last week in the comedores and the weekend doing workshops and playing, I was missing my kids in the home! On top of that, I been working on translating the Nuevos Pasos video into English. Though I'm not the fastest in the world, I've definitely enjoyed the opportunity and it's nice to see that my Spanish is decent enough to do something like that! We're pretty excited to have the video in English because we can now share Nuevos Pasos with English speaking countries and, God willing, gain more support for all the work that is going on down here. Yay! It's always cool when you get a glimpse at how God is using you. :)

A girl of many homes...and kids without a single one

2006-04-22T16:41:00.000-04:00

I think I have more homes than anyone I know. At least a couple in Cali, a few down here, and soon to have another in PA. Well, yesterday I "moved" again back into El Aposento. I'll admit I was a bit sad to leave the Bel's house. It's amazing how close we've become in the short time I've been here. But I was surprised to find I was equally happy to be back in my first house here in Peru! It just sort reminded me that it truly is the joy of the Lord that has made me so happy here. My physical circumstances don't really seem to matter that much. The Bel's house has more of the comforts I'm accustomed to- a big bed, TV, comfy couches, a loving family, etc., but I must say I also enjoy the simplicity of living in the Aposento. And of course me sweet Maruja is there filling us with delicious dishes and lots of love! The new "us" I'm referring to includes Olga, Johan, and myself. Olga and Johan are from Argentina and Sweden respectively, but both call Alicante, Spain home. I'm realizing I've become more comfortable with Spanish because Johan speaks English and I really haven't spoken with him in English at all! That, and at the prayer vigil we had last night I gave my testimony in Spanish. I was a bit nervous, but everyone seemed to understand me just fine! Yay!
This morning, like every Saturday morning here we had talleres de vida (Life Workshops). Talk about a wonderful, yet heart wrenching experience. I have done pretty well, for me, at handling all the poverty and trauma I've seen here, but today it was almost too much for me. The workshops are done at locations all around the city and when we see kids working in the streest, if we don't already know them, we invite them to join us. We started of with singing, (I'm finally starting to learn some of the songs here!), then moved into a time of prayer...and if you heard the prayer requests of these kids your heart probably would have broken too. Prayers for kids killed in the streets, for friends addicted to drugs, prayers that they could make enough money, that they could somehow find a place to live, etc... Then we did an activity with the kids, a follow'up to the movie we took them to last weekend. When we got on the topic of movies I was horrified to realized most of them have seen more porn than children's movies. I was helping one of them read the worksheet. He was twelve and couldn't read, didn't know his colors, and couldn't color in the lines. Wow. I praise God for the work that is being done to help these kids. It's incredibly difficult to see kids in such circumstances, but amazing to see people working so hard to help them rise above their cirumstances and to help them realize in a world where they have found no love that Jesus loves them. After the activity, we gave them sandwiches and juice and played with them for a bit while Carmen collected some info on new kids. They keep track of all the kids they work with, figuring out their backgrounds, who's in school, etc. so they can help them best. Sad to find many of them are into drugs, sexual exploitation, working in the streets 7 days a week, etc. Please send up a prayer for these kids and all those helping them. On a lighter note, the kids in the home brought home the first good English grades and of them have ever had!! Woohoo!

Combies, Comedores, and Cameras

2006-04-20T18:25:00.000-04:00

Getting around here in Peru can be quite an adventure in itself. I thank God I never have to drive in this city. You know that part in Pirates of the Carribean where they say the laws laid down in the pirate code "are more like guidelines than actual rules"?, yeah, well that's kind of what laws are like here in Peru. And we all know how often the general population listens to guidelines and recommendations :) There aren't really lanes, and you can pack as many people into a xar as you can fit (we had 13 in a taxi once!).
Today I went with Diana to learn how the comedores operate and to help out. First we took a bus (micro) to the market to buy the food we were going to prepare for lunch today. I wish I could take pictures of this to show you all, but pulling out a camera in the middle of the market is pretty much like saying, "hey come rob me," so we'll have to do without. It is a hodge podge of sight, smells, sounds, some appealing and some that make my stomach turn a bit. From there we took a moto-taxi to our next micro stop. You have to understand that the bus system, or micros here are nothing like you'd ever find in the US or Europe. They are mostly VW type vans (combies) and some privately owned buses (pronounced booses) that have no exact stops, arrival, or departure times. If the caller is doing a good job and it's a busy time of day they are packed full. Some can be shady, but most are ok. Moto-taxis are a blast. Kinda like the bike taxis you can find in some college and beach towns but a yamaha motorcycle instead of a bike. We took the micro out to Laredo to the WawaWasi Comedor. It consists of 3 rooms, a preschool, a kitchen, and a main room. Dirt floors in the latter two rooms, no electricity, no running water. It seems like everyday I realize there is a lower level of poor and I have yet to experience the bottom level. I thought the kids in the home had nothing, but no they have beds, blankets, clothes, toilets. And then I realize the kids going to the comedor get at least one good meal a day, brush their teeth, wash their hands. For many, it is their only good meal. It kinda tore at me a bit to see them devour the food put in front of them. My mom was right, hungry kids aren't picky eaters. Every one of them cleared their plate and not one of them complained about what was being served. They eat a lot of rice, beans, lentils, etc. here, with some great sauces. I've liked almost everything, but today I had to brace myself a bit when liver was dished onto my plate. It's not guinea pig or anything (yeah, that's a delicacy here), but I'm really not a fan of liver. Thank you mom for teaching me how to eat even what I don't like.
The kids were FASCINATED by my camera. In fact, it was tough to take pictures, because they kept wanting to look at the ones I'd already taken! That, or look at the viewer and see their friends. After every picture, "A ver! A ver! A ver!" (let's see!!) I managed to get a few though to show what it looks like and how stinkin adorable the kids are here. I'm not looking to sell anything, but if anyone is interested in helping them out, for like 25 bucks a month you can sponsor one of the kids and cover the costs of their food and activities. Today we made animals out of playdough. I'm learning the value of these creative activities working in the hogar. Many of the kids there, and in the comedores as well, suffer from neglect and lack of stimulation, so we try to offer not just food, but developmental activities. Trying to get them to create something of their own, not just a replica is really challenging! It'a awesome that so many people are fighting for these kids. The love of God is in this places even in it's darkest corners.

Things I previously took for granted

2006-04-18T12:40:00.000-04:00

Day by day I'm learning to appreciate things I previously took for granted. It's amazing to have your eyes opened to all of the ways your life is blessed. In the US, it's easy to assume what you have is the norm, and maybe for some reason you're entitled to it. But here, I meet kids who are so excited by things a have always considered "no big deal". I've never considered myself ver materialistic. I don't always need the biggest or the best. But the truth us, on some level I am. As an American, I think I have been so accustommed to having excess that I only occasionally recognize it as luxury. Though there are others who have it worse, "stuff" has had a hold on me. Being here, I feel both liberated by my lack of possesions and at the same time appreciative for them. This is difficult for me to explain, but I think I'm recognizing that all of the "things" in my life I can appreciate without feeling a necessity to always have them. Ultimately, my happiness is not dependent on my physical comfort, but on my closeness with God. Whether I have many things or few, as long as he is there, my life will be blessed. I've always struggled with how we can have things and enjoy them without serving them. This is one of those things we Christians talk about a lot, serving God instead of money, but I feel like I finally get it. It is in the recognition of what one has and what one needs. I have much, but I need little.

The Other Half...or the other 5%

2006-04-16T22:11:00.000-04:00

So today I discovered not everyone in this country is poor and those with money tend to have it in spades. Some friends of the Bel's belong to a country club and we spent the day there with them. It was GORGEOUS! I felt a bit like a camp counselor with all the playing that was going on. I taught the kids how to play Marco Polo and threw them around in the pool until they wore me out :) They loved the game and taught it to the others until all the kids in the pool were playing. We had a wonderful lunch, then cakes and coffee...yum! It was so nice to just be able to walk around by myself for awhile along the paths without having to worry about safety or really doing anything. Very relaxing I was thinking about how different it would be if I was working here as a nanny for some rich family instead of volunteering with Nuevos Pasos. I guess it would be kind of like going on vacation at a tropical resort as opposed to working with the people who live there...same country, but totally different worlds. I then shot around with Marina a bit and we worked on her form and shooting. It was pretty fun and she was doing great. I feel so at home here with the Bel's. I've been thinking about why and I think it's largely due to the fact that they are so affectionate with each other. It's like being in my house. That, and they truly seem to enjoy each other's company...and thankfully mine! Semana Santa has turned out to be a wonderful, relaxing, much needed rest and I'm feeling ready to get back to work tomorrow!

What the heck do I do down here?

2006-04-15T18:26:00.000-04:00

I've gotten some questions about what exactly it is that I do, so I thought I'd explain what my schedule kind of looks like, so you can get an idea. It's not really a concrete schedule and will probably be changing somewhat since they want me to get a taste of all their minstries, but at least I can tell you what I've been up to so far. I get up around 7, Maruja comes to the house to get breakfast ready at 7:30, and we usually leave by 8:30. As of today this will change because I'm now staying with the Bel's, not in the Aposento, since my Spanish family is headed back to Barcelona tonight. But anyway, Nuevos Pasos has a driver, Emiliano, and he usually picks us up and takes Montse and I to the Home. Then I spend the morning helping the older kids with their homework, teaching English, playing with the kids that are too little for school, and whatever Mamacita might need help with. Lunchtime rolls around, the older kids get ready for school (primary is in the morning here and secondary in the afternoon), while I help get the tables readys for lunch. The younger kids get home and the older kids leave and I usually help serve, then head back home for my own lunch. We then have a little time before we head back to the home to help the younger kids with their homework and play with the. Evenings tend to vary, sometimes going downtown, babysitting, church, shopping, dinner, etc. And weekends, well I rarely know what's going on :) Next week I think I'm going to be visiting the comedor's that we run in a few different neighborhoods. These are basically soup kitchen where kids can go for lunch everyday. They also teach them basic hygiene, and spread the hope that is Jesus Christ. I can't believe tomorrow is Easter. I hope you all have fun with your egg hunts, brunches, and families, and remember that Christ is Risen!!! Yay! Someone save me some Reese's eggs...serious lack of peanut butter outside the US :) Ok, well, I think I've given you enough to read for now with my three entries in one day. Gotta catch up!! Ciao!

Spreading Cheer

2006-04-15T18:14:00.000-04:00

One of the minstries that Nuevos Pasos performs here is Talleres de Vida, or Life Workshops. They have volunteer instructors that go into 8 different neighborhoods in the city and do activities with the kids every Saturday. Well, this Saturday was special. Instead of doing workshops, we took all of the kids to the movies to see Ice Age 2. We rented buses and had our own private theater which we filled with three hundred kids! These are all kids who live and/or work in the streets, so seeing a movie was defintely a treat for them. We spent the morning making up bags of snacks and they were so excited. The laughing, the cheers, the clapping. It was so great. I finally got some pictures off my camera and onto a computer so hopefully I'll be able to post some soon! I was also pretty happy I was able to understand most of the movie. Of course I missed lines, but I got enough I didn't have any truble following it...nice to watch things made for five year olds ;)

Playing Tourist

2006-04-15T17:57:00.000-04:00

It's Semana Santa (Holy Week) here in Peru and as a result almost all the shops and businesses are closed. We also got a couple days off, so I got to play tourist a bit. On Thursday I went with Marina, Jovita, and a mess of youth group kids to visit Huaco de la Luna, some ancient ruins. We went by foot leaving from the church downtown and heading out of the city. Our fearless leader Jesus (no, not THAT Jesus) took us on a direct path to the ruins...until we hit the river....hmmm. What was supposed to be an 1-1.5hr walk turned into four. It was a beautiful day though and I had come equipped with hiking shoes, water, a hat, and sunscreen on every exposed part of my body, so I quite enjoyed the freedom of walking through sugar cane fields along the banks of the river. Once we arrived, we climbed to the top of a pyramid and had an amazing view. Then we split into groups with some going to hike up another mountain (much higher!), some wanting to sit and rest, and Marina, Jobita, and I went to visit the restored place of the Moche people, checking out the awesome murals, sacred temples, etc. Fun, Fun, Fun! When we got back I realized though I had put sunscreen on three times throughout the day, I managed to miss the spot behind me knees and the tops of my hands. As a result, I have some weird sunburns. I guess it's a good thing I'm only here for a month, or I'd probably have skin cancer by 27. Yesterday I went and visited some more ruins with Montse, Alvaro, and Ruth, then rested for most of the ofternoon, reading and watching a movie. It was a much needed break since they have me constantly on the go here! When we were at the ancient palace of the Chan Chan tribe, I came across a family from Oregon and pretty much made them talk to me since I haven't spoken English since I arrived (ok, I talked to my parents once).

Things I'm learning here in Peru

2006-04-13T19:32:00.000-04:00

1. Take toilet paper with you if you want it because unless the place you're visiting in the home of Americans or Spainards, you're not gonna find any.
2. If you are white, you WILL burn. I put sunscreen on three times today alll over my body and then washed my hands...and the tops of my hands, the only part without sunblock fried (as well as the spot behind my knees that I missed)
3. Cap'n Crunch is really good in Nesquick.
4. Kids are the same wherever you go.
5. I am not poor.
6. Bargaining can actually be fun (I used to hate it)
7. It sucks to have your period in a third world country.
8. DON'T touch anything in the shower after you've flipped the switch for the hot water heater, or you WILL be shocked.
9. Freedom is something to be appreciated.
10. You learn fast when you're forced to!
I'll right more when I have time. Hasta pasta amigos

It was bound to happen...

2006-04-10T16:00:00.000-04:00

Well I spent this morning hanging out at home rather than with the kids, recuperating from my "mal estomago". Yep, I definitely ate something that didn't agree with the system. Bummmmmerrrr! I'm starting to feel a bit better, though I'll probably keep the food pretty light for a bit. I had a great weekend. On Saturday we took the kids out to lunch (a couple from Spain that was here before paid for them all to go out). It wsa great because they rarely get treats. Afterward we walked around the Plaza de Almas in the center of Trujillo and got ice cream cones. Some of these kids are really starting to grow on me. In the evening we took the teens to a youth service and it got pretty chilly, so Jose, who's 15 insisted that I take his jacket. What a gentleman :) Yesterday were presidential elections here in Peru. Voting is obligatory, so we watched the kids while everyone went to vote. The funniest part of it to me was that they banned alcohol for the couple days before the election and you couldn't buy it anywhere since they want people sober when they vote. After spending the morning with the Kids we went to Joan and Carmen's house (the couple in charge around here) for lunch and to hang out. They are such a fun family! They have 11 and 12 year old daughters and a 9 year old son. We played murderer in Spanish which was hilarious. I'm out of time here, so I gotta run. Love to you all!!!

2006-04-07T16:08:00.000-04:00

So I thought I was doing so good because I had thus far managed to avoid any weird illnesses, the intestinal complications I was told were inevitable, sunburn, bites, rashes, etc. Yesterday I got fried and eaten alive. The sun here is so strong that I was outside for like 10 minutes and my neck and chest are SO red. All I did was walk from the children's home to the preschool to pick up kids. Que fuerte! It doesn't really rain here but it sprinkled a bit yesterday and the misquitos came out to play. Yup, so I have lots of bites too! Oh well, at least it's not food poisoning :) It got me thinking though, I really am never outside here for more than a couple minutes. Americans and Europeans are targets for robbery is a country as poor as this, so we take a lot of extra precautions. Doors are always locked, we rarely walk places, and we're always together (so you don't have to worry mom!). Still, I can't imagine living in a place like this for an extended period of time. It definitely makes me appreciate the freedom I have in the US. And no matter how long I am here, I will never blend. Yesterday, I went with Mama Meche and Montse to the store and EVERYONE on the street actually left their houses to come out and stare at me. Makes me never want to be famous. That much attention is kind of unnerving. Maruja tried to tell me it's because I'm so pretty, but I know they've never seen a woman even close to my height. I have to find a pic of Wally and my dad and I :)

My typical day and various other things

2006-04-06T15:48:00.002-04:00

In El Apocento with me are Alvarro (27), his wife Montse (26), and their 3 year old Ruth. I get along great with most of the kids here, but it took her a little bit to warm up to me. She was probably thinking, "who is this crazy girl that looks like a grown up but talks funny!?" Well, not to worry, I won her over with nail polish and duck duck goose. Now she wants to play all the time. Anyway, Alvarro owns a painting company in Barcelona, so he has spent most of his time here painting the new home they are building for the children. Montse, Ruth and I go to the home the kids live in now every morning after we do a devotional time together and have breakfast. Praying seems to be one of the toughest things for me to do in Spanish because I don't feel like I'm able to express myself very well and it's a time when I really want to. I guess because I'm used to talking openly, honestly, clearly to God. Good thing he knows me heart already! Still, I usually end up switching from Spanish to English in the middle. We spend the morning in the hogar with the older kids and the really little ones. Here, primary school is in the mornings and secondary is in the afternoon. We go back to our house in the middle of the day to have lunch with Maruja, then return to the hogar to be with the younger kids in the afternoon. Most of our time there is spent helping the kids with their homework and playing a bit here and there. I love helping the younger ones because I'm able to learn a lot at the same time. Third or 4th grade is good for my Spanish :) It works out well for them too because no one in Nuevos Pasos, or really anyone I´ve met here so far speaks English. At least I'm somewhat useful! Really, I haven't actually spoken in English since I left the airport, only when I write! Crazy! You'd be shocked at how quiet I am....and how much I write...but probably not by how much I want to improve my Spanish :)

Gratitude

2006-04-06T15:48:00.000-04:00

How many times a day would you say you're really thankful? I'm in this country, I'm surrounded by poverty and yet I've never experienced gratitude like I see here. In the US I, well all of us, have so much and yet we're always thinking about what we lack. In reality, there is nothing material that I really need that I am without. Here, they have next to nothing and yet they are so thankful for the little things. There was a girl here from Barcelona named Karol that left yesterday. She is 22 and also studying to be a nurse much like me and came down here to help out for a bit. Before she left, she bought a stereo for the children's home. (yeah, I figured out hogar means home :)) Anyway, when the kids saw it they were SO excited. And that's like the understatement of the year. Mama Micha, the "mother" of the 25 or so kids that live in the house ( and I have no idea if that's how you spell her name) said a prayer of thanks for the stereo that had all of us volunteers crying by the end. It wasn't anything elaborate, but the beauty was in the simple, humble gratitude. I have so much to learn from these people.

So much to say..

2006-04-04T16:17:00.000-04:00

I hardly know where to begin since I have so much I want to say and really not that much time to write. Well, first off a little bit about the situation I´m staying in and what I´m doing. The apartment/house I'm living in is called "El Aposento" and from what I can gather, I think it means "The Upper Room", in reference to where Jesus ate the Last Supper with the Apostles. I have my own room and it's quite nice...very simple. Honestly though, I feel like I have so much. When I was packing to come here, I thought I did a pretty decent job at keeping it light and not taking too much. I brought one medium sized suitcase and my backpack. After touring around the city a bit yesterday, and visiting some of the places Nuevos Pasos works, I realize that I have more in my one suitcase worth of stuff than many of the people here will ever have. At the same time, I don´t think I have ever encountered such selfless love and hospitalisty as I am experiencing here among los peruanos. Staying with me in el aposento is a young couple from Barcelona and their 3 year old daughter. And though we all come to serve here, we feel like we are the ones constantly being cared for. Maruja, one of the volunteers for Nuevos Pasos is amazing. She comes to our house every morning at 7:30 to make us breakfast and clean everything. Then stays to prepare lunch, and returns later for dinner. It is unreal! And we all thought we were going to lose weight while we are here, but at this rate we'll leave gorditos! We're trying not to feel bad since she says it's her joy to serve us when we are here helping the children, but still!! And the children here are wonderful. They are all blown away by my height (like everyone here) and ask me lots of questions. I am kind of a spectacle. At home I'm tall but here I'm gynormous. I have yet to meet anyone in this country who is my height. I'm going to be spending a lot of time in "El Hogar" the house for kids, helping them with their English and doing whatever else they are of me. The number and organzation of the ministries here is impressive. God is doing amazing things through these people to save the children of this country. If you are looking for an organization to support financially, let me tell you, I've found one for you. Ok, I better get going since we're heading back to the hogar soon. It's been a little tough being the only English speaker because I feel a bit on the outside, but I'm able to communicate ok. I understand most of what is being said if I concentrate, but if I drift or lose my focus, I really have no idea what's going on :) USually that happens toward the end of the day because I get so tired from thinking so much! Ok, tengo que irme! Love and hugs to you all...

En Trujillo!!!

2006-04-02T22:54:00.000-04:00

So I made it. And Í am so happy to be here. It´s pretty funny because I´m in the middle of Peru, but am still hearing Catalan since most of the people I am staying with are from Barcelona! Makes me feel very at home. Yesterday was a long day of traveling, especially since our flight was delayed a few hours, but I spent the time in LAX with three of the peruanos that missed the flight with me the day before and we all became good friends. In fact, we´re hoping to get together in Lima before I leave. Gotta love how circumstances bring us together! I got to tour around Lima a little bit this morning before we caught our bus to Trujillo. This country reminds me so much of Ecuador. I guess that shouldn´t be a surprise since it´s just south of there! Anyway, the bus ride was long, but comfortable (it was like a flight on wheels, but with first class kinda seats). And now I´m here!! I´m staying in a house with others here to help with the missions. Ok, I have to go since we´re heading over there right now. Adios!!

My first adventure!

2006-04-01T12:25:00.000-05:00

Hey all! So I'm sitting at a little internet kiosk in LAX....yup, that's right, right here in the good ole' los estados unidos. I was supposed to go to Lima last night, but apparently God had different plans! When I was on my flight from San Fran to LA, the flight attendant came up to me and asked if I would mind helping another passenger wh was going to Peru an didn't speak any English find the gat. Sure, no problem. enter Manuela Manuela is a sweet elderly peruana who doen't understand a WORD or English, so I thought, hey, great chance to practice my Spanish. When I met her outside the plane, she was in a wheelchair, so they called for the disability van to come and take us to the next terminal. So we waited.....and waited...and waited for about an hour until I finally said if we didn't find someway to get there we would miss our flight. We went down to the bus and I realized at that point, a little too late, that Manuela could walk. We showed up at the gate 40 minutes before our flight and 20 minutes too late to board. Now a little background, I was going on about 2.5 hrs of sleep and those of you who know me well know that stress + lack of sleep very often equals tears....it did. But we figured it out. I helped Mauela get to her hotel, explaining to her that this is LA and someone there ould for sure speak English. Then I went to my own plush room at the Crown Plaza that was only 60 bucks thanks to my discount coupon, took a hot shower and a short nap and realized life was still good, God was still here, and I am still blessed immeasureably. I'm entertained by the fact that I've spoken mre Spanish than English in the past two days even though I'm still in the US and comforted that I'm communicating just fine (albeit with horrible grammar). The people from LAN Peru said I should have just left Manuela and caught my flight, but I know i made the right decision and if you saw the fear she had of being alone in this foreign place you wouldn't have left her either. I came on this trip to help people and find it somewhat amusing that I didn't even get to Peru before God started shwing me how to do that. Answered prayers don't aways look the way I expect. :) Ok, I have a plane to catch, ciao for now!

My Rain Boots

2006-03-29T17:28:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I leave in less than two days, so I should be packing, doing homework, yadda, yadda, yadda, but I really think I need to dedicate this exact moment to my rain boots. It's been a wet couple months here in El Dorado Co. and I don't think I'd be too far off in saying that pretty much everyone is ready for some warm sunny weather. While I'd love to be able to wear a skirt and feel some warm sunshine, I must admit, I have been quite happy to endure the rain. As it is, I am kind of a rain lover. There's nothing like falling asleep with a good downpour going on outside. But part of what I like about rain is when it clears and the sun comes out. Everything smells clean and fresh...ahhh, wonderful. Anyway, back to the boots. This year had been a particiaulrly fun year for me and rain because of an amazing purchase I made last fall. I got these awesome poser Burberry black, cream, and red plaid rainboots from payless on clearance for like 5 dollars. Quite possibly the best five dollars I have ever spent. When was the last time you wore galoshes because I swear it has changed my world. There is something inherently liberating about wearing shoes that allow you to trollop anywhere unscathed! Puddles, muddy grass, even shallow streams! And the fact that they are loud as can be only adds to my joy. I feel like a kid again (as if I ever really stopped). Yeah, maybe I get a lot stares, and some sneaking glances, but I also get tons of compliments. Anyway, who the heck cares, I get to jump in puddles! I seek out especially wet and/or rainy circumstances, and I actually get sad when I realized the rainy season will soon be over. Good thing I just got a twirly skirt.

Goodbyes

2006-03-28T01:42:00.000-05:00

It's funny, for some reason I feel like because someone other than myself might read this it should be some sort of literary masterpiece. You know, something that is just deeply profound, or incredibly witty and charming. But the thing is, I'm not really a literary genius. I have my moments I guess, but really, I spend more of my time on random thoughts like, "mouths are really weird" or "i LOVE my rainboots" (hmmm, I really might have to blog about them) than I do being philsophical. Anyway, I guess the purpose is not to impress anyone, so I'll try to get over it and be content with putting my thoughts down, disjointed and non-life-changing as they might be.

Today I feel like I truly began my leaving. Of course I've been preparing to go for some time, but today it began to be real. In a few days I will open a new book of blank pages and begin to fill in the next chapter, story, volume of my life. And that means that I have to conclude the story I'm in, which is always the hardest part. Goodbyes. I feel like I've said so many of them in the past few years with all my school and country hopping and of course graduating. I'm not a hater of goodbyes. I don't avoid them, or pretend thay aren't happening. I don't view them as definite and forever, but there is always a hint of sadness associated with leaving when you're leaving something good, no matter how exciting the next thing might be. Because you know when you say goodbye that you'll never be able to recreate that time, even if people or places are revisited. Today I started saying my goodbye's to the people I see everyday. And I was struck by how many I've come to care for in the short time I've been home. I came back last July knowing about as many people as I can count with one hand (that's including my family!), and now I feel like I'm leaving tons of friends behind. And while I'm somewhat sad, the more powerful feeling is awe. I have been overwhelmingly blessed. I have met some amazing people in the past few months; people who have taught me things, made me laugh, challenged my way of thinking, and showed me loving kindness. And I am yet again amazed at the way God works. Thank you to all of you who have touched my life in the past months. You are treasures!

2006-03-24T14:30:00.000-05:00

And so it begins. I have joined the world of online journalers. Where we write down our thoughts, dreams, and experiences for the world to see. And somehow this is more confortable to me than putting up a picture and what bands and books I like on the ever-so-popular myspace. I guess it's because I know I'm doing it for me and those who I know really care about me and what's going on in my life rather for a list of 'friends' that I most likely haven't spoken more than a few words to in years. For those of you who don't know me, Hello internet world! You are more than welcome to follow along as I try to look to God and figure out this crazy world we live in...